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The Revolutionary Man Podcast
The Revolutionary Man Podcast is for high-performing husbands and fathers ready to lead with purpose. Hosted by Alain Dumonceaux, this show equips men with the tools to reclaim their masculine identity, master work-life balance, and strengthen mental health. Featuring expert interviews and raw solo episodes, each week brings insights to help men lead their families, grow their businesses, and build a lasting legacy. It’s time to stop settling and start rising.
The Revolutionary Man Podcast
Escaping The Comparison Trap: Discover Your Unique Path to Fulfillment with Byron Morrison
Let me know your thoughts on the show and what topic you would like me to discuss next.
Have you ever found yourself on the brink of success, only to let it slip away by sabotaging your own efforts? Ever wondered why we sometimes stand in our way, hindering our personal growth? This conundrum of self-sabotage and the journey to overcoming it is exactly what we delve into in our conversation with Byron Morrison, author of the inspiring book, Maybe You Should Give Up On Yourself.
In the course of our enlightening discussion, we unravel the subtle art of letting go of short-term comfort for long-term success, the importance of waking up from the sleepwalking of life and understanding the power of choice in shaping our lives. We also delve into the concept of developing through our insecurities, and how the right choice of companions can significantly influence our journey. You'll learn how to navigate mental blocks, break away from the fear inhibiting your decision-making, and steer your life in the direction of your dreams.
Morrison shares his own transformative experience, shedding light on how he navigated his insecurities and mental blocks. He provides compelling insight into the importance of having a solid support structure, particularly for entrepreneurs. He also emphasizes the significance of understanding who we need to become to achieve our goals, and how to become that person. By the end of this conversation, we hope to have equipped you with the tools to overcome your insecurities, embrace change, and take control of your life.
How to reach Byron:
· Web: https://www.byronmorrison.com/
· Book: Maybe You Should Give Up!
· FB: https://www.facebook.com/authorbyronmorrison
· IG: https://www.instagram.com/authorbyronmorrison/
· YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ByronMorrison
Thanks for listening to the Revolutionary Man Podcast. If you want more information about our programs, use the links below to check us out. It could be the step that changes your life.
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So, a lot of the time, the reason why we sabotage our long term success is we make decisions based on what we want in the moment, so we're essentially giving up what we want most for what we want now.
Speaker 1:It's where we're giving it to comfort or pleasure or that in the now satisfaction, whereas regardless of what your goal is, whether it's fitness or business or something else it's going to require sacrifice. You're going to have to give up on things that you may want in the moment, which are then going to lead you to where you want to be, and this is why you always have to start making decisions based on where you want to get to, not on where you are. You've got to filter out everyone else. You've got to just get that tunnel vision of okay, this is what I want to do. I'm going to believe in myself, because the worst case, you try and it doesn't work out, but at least then you can look back and be like do you know what I went for it it wasn't meant to be, which is going to be far better than reaching the end of your days and then, like you said in the introduction, regretting the things that you didn't do.
Speaker 2:I don't know about you, but there have been many times in my life when I wanted to throw in the towel. You know, at one point it was the right thing to do because, listen, my family and my friends, they all told me it was crazy to consider what it is that I was going after, or, worse yet, that's what I was telling myself. You know, giving up is something we do every day and whether or not it's flowing through on a commitment or keeping our word, giving up can creep into our lives until one day we realize our dreams have turned into distant nightmares. Now, before we get into all that, I just want to remind you that if you're interested in raising your standards as a father and a husband and entrepreneur, I want to encourage you to start your hero's quest. You know, in this program you're going to accomplish more, develop more and become more in the next 90 days, and you ever have. And you can get more information at the Awakened man Training Academy at membersawakenmannet. And with that, let's get on with today's episode.
Speaker 2:Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man podcast. I'm the founder of the Awakened man movement and your host, alan D'Amonso. Before we get started, let me ask you a couple of questions. What was the last thing that you gave up on? Was it a relationship, a dream, maybe even yourself? You know? There's it said. There are two pains in life. There's the pain of change and there's the pain of regret. One lasts a short while or the other one leaves a scar that is hard to get over. Having gone through my fair share of regret, I can say that I would rather go through the pain of change. So what does it take for us to stop giving up on ourselves? Well, today's guest is an expert who's written a book about it, and so we're going to dive into this findings and hopefully begin to build a foundation for us to learn how we can stop giving up on life. So allow me to introduce my guest.
Speaker 2:Byron Morrison is the author of three bestselling books, and over the last decade, he's worked with CEOs, entrepreneurs and leaders in 15 different countries to help take them back, take back control of their lives and their businesses, so they can start living the life that they want. Life hasn't always been this way for him, though. Most of his life as he was, he found out he was his own worst enemy, sabotaging everything from his health and to his relationships, even his personal success, and it was after his dad's cancer that his dad's cancer that he went on this journey of total transformation. It's where he lost 50 pounds. During this turnaround, he also set out on a mission to help others take control of his life, and ever since then, everything he's done is built upon up to this new book. Maybe you should give up on yourself. Seven ways to get out of your own way and take control of your life. So welcome to the show, byron. How are things today, friend?
Speaker 1:Hey, thanks for having me on today. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2:Right on. Yeah, I was so excited about when you reached out and wanted to get together and talk about today. I thought your subject is so important, and in my men's work we always talk about all of us being on our own hero's quest, and so the first question I have for you today is tell us a little bit more about what inspires you to pursue the life you're living today and how that experience shaped you into the man you are and the work that you're doing.
Speaker 1:Yes, you touched on this briefly in the introduction, but the big kind of catalyst and turning point in my own life was after my dad had cancer. During his treatment, he had most of his bowel surgically removed. He spent 25 days in ICU most of that life support and breathing through a tracheostomy and luckily pulled through. It's something that I'm eternally grateful for. But that, for me, was just a wake up call that life had to change. Like at the time, I was overweight, I was stuck in a job that was killing me, I was burnt out and I was just deeply unhappy. And I wish I could say that that experience was just the turning point, that everything, overnight, suddenly turned around.
Speaker 1:But, truth be told, for the next couple of years I was just going around in circles. I knew what I needed to do to change my life. I take one step forward and two steps back. I was my own worst enemy, sabotaging everything from my health to my relationships, my professional success, and I really reached a point where I needed to figure out, like, what's actually going on here? Like, why am I not following through, taking the actions I need to take? And that's really what took me on a journey of learning about mindset and psychology and why we think and behave the way that we do, and that's pretty much been the foundation of my books and the work I've done over the last decade of helping other people get out their own way so they can take control of their life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just love that and I think it's so true. And what I really like about what you're saying there is that it isn't going to necessarily be that one piece or that one moment in life that's going to switch everything, although it does give us that opportunity to wake up and get out of our sleepwalking. But we still have to go through that period of time and that's true for any heroes quest where we're still finding that our way in getting through it, before we get to an opportunity where we can truly start to embody and take on the change in our life. So how did you find that time period? Was it just, was it really challenging for you, and did you lean on any mentors or what was the things that allowed you to get through that short period?
Speaker 1:For me at that period. I was just mentally in a really dark place. I was in a job where, like so many other young people was at the beginning of my career, I was like had to take something to get experience and pay my dues and work my way up. But it was in a very toxic culture. I was in an environment I didn't want to be in, so every single day just became a challenge to get through, and that was for me. I just reached this breaking point, was like do you know what? I can't live like this anymore. Like I need to figure out how do I actually get out of here.
Speaker 1:And that was really where I started turning to learning about self help and minds and like I very much just fell into it. Like personal development was not something I was massively into in the past and it was just through this, the kind of pain of the situation, I was in the way to get out because, like other people had done it, I'd seen other people like living the life they wanted. So I was like it has to be possible. But I needed to go to the foundational level of what was actually holding me back, which, looking back, was myself. It was my doubts, my fears, that sabotaging voice in my head that was stopping me from reaching my potential.
Speaker 2:And that makes total sense and that really leads us into leads into the next piece. Here I really want to start to dive into your book and and maybe you should give up was a great way, a great title. Really liked how that just kind of slaps you right then, wow, maybe I should give up. And because what you're really saying and you've really breaking this broke the book down into three sections. I noticed he started with these boulders and rocks and then pebbles and wonder if you could tell us what the how you came up with this concept, what they're all about and how these ideas fit into our day to day lives.
Speaker 1:Over the last like 10 years of doing what I'm doing, I've been very involved in the self help and personal development world and one thing I've seen repeatedly is all the motivation messages are never quit, keep pushing, just keep trying. And I see so many people, myself included, who the reason why they were stuck is because I'm trying the same thing over and over again, hoping for different results. There Hang on to things that are weighing them down and not actually giving them the life that they want. So maybe you should give up. Isn't about giving up on your goals and dreams and accept your life of mediocrity. Instead, it's about you giving up on everything that's weighing you down and stopping you from actually living the life that you want.
Speaker 1:And in the last decade of working with people in 15 countries, I've seen that there's seven different mental blocks that every single one of us struggles within one way or another that keeps us stuck in our own head. So that was why, when I was putting the book together, I really mapped out like, okay, which of these do we need to knock over, almost like a domino, and it's like which ones really have the biggest impact. That was where the whole concept of the rocks, pebbles and boulders came in because it's very much the way I envisioned it and I described in the book. It's like trying to hike up a mountain, but you've got a bag of boulders on your in a backpack and it's just like every single mental block that you take one of them out and becomes lighter until you finally reach the peak and you set yourself free. So it's like you've got released the heavier ones first in order to get to the rest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and I and I like that, and I just made it quick notice. It's not about giving up on your goals, it was giving up on the, on other things. But what did you? How did you put that? Again, I really liked how you, how you said that.
Speaker 1:So it's giving up on all the things you're holding on to that are stopping you from living the life that you want. So it's to give you a quick summary of that like. Seven things in the book are firstly, being reactive to the world around you. The next one is being controlled by fear. Then it's prioritizing short term thinking at the expense of what you want. Then it's worrying about problems that haven't happened yet. Then it's comparing yourself to others, beating yourself up and being too hard on yourself and then finally, once you've overcome those six areas, it's putting off your happiness. So the book is ultimately about empowerment. It's about getting you to a point in your life where you can stop with all the negativity and the things weighing you down and finally live a life on your terms. That's so true.
Speaker 2:I just really, I really like that, especially how you've laid that out, and it is we do tend to, you know, we do tend to be very reactive and it's and that's that first initial Experience it will have with things and when we can start to recognize and take a moment to step, step back and really understand how we're, how our triggers are. We talk about that in my work, about how we can be triggered, and having a bit, having and growing emotional intelligence really gives us an opportunity to set Settle in. The other thing this this month, particularly in our, in our group mentorship program, we're talking about how we define success Right, and one of the concepts we talk about is being able to have an understanding of where our locus of control and and I think you have you can't you touch that on a little bit in your book, where you talk about the concept of effects, whether they're, whether we, whether we choose to give up on them or whether we don't? We want to talk a little bit more about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just going back to that reactiveness, because what anyone listening to this needs to realize is that in life, when you're busy and you're stressed and all of these things are going on, it's easy to get stuck in a situation where life is constantly happening to you, and that's why a problem happens or challenge comes up, you react to it and, at the end of the day, there's no way, when you're in that reactor state, that you can make the right decisions, will show up at your best, and that's why you really need to understand there's a huge difference between a reaction and a response.
Speaker 1:A reaction is driven by emotion and it's impulsive, whereas a response is controlled and granted. And that's why, if you actually want to feel in control of your life, you have to master the ability that, when something goes wrong, rather than you diving straight in reacting, you mentally step back and you stop. You take a deep breath, you process what's happening, you understand why you feel the way that you do and then you change your response. It's all about helping you really slow down and become aware of what's happening throughout the day and the way that you're showing up in it, because when you can really start actually coming from a state of response. That's when you can see that you're never going to be in complete control of what's going on around you, but the way that you handle it and deal with it is completely within your control. That's why that's the first thing we have to get right, because until you master that or really start making some gains in that, everything else is an uphill battle.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, because it is totally about having that, reclaiming that control in our lives so that we have a better way to respond as opposed to reacting. Because how many times do we do that? Just just because it's our own coping mechanisms in life and we don't take the opportunity to to recognize when that's showing up. Now you work with a lot of CEOs and what is the one thing that seems to be that seems to reappear with each of them and it comes to giving up and maybe not giving up. What are your findings showing?
Speaker 1:From a business standpoint, I find that a lot of CEOs and business leaders, the one thing that they struggle giving up on is control, because when you first begin growing a business, you have to get pulled into everything.
Speaker 1:It's normal, but that's the business scales, your team grows and your responsibilities that go up, and a lot of people then get pulled into this whole thing of wanting to hold on to everything. Where's actually, if you want to get that next level of success, you have to give up on what you actually put your attention into. That means really giving people the ability to step up, delegating effectively, trusting those around you. If you try and do everything on your own, that's when you become the bottleneck in the business, and it's something that I see repeatedly in the client side work with, where they try and hang on to everything so they spend most of their days and reactive problems and putting up fires and demands that don't actually need to growth. So it's all about figuring out okay, where does your time of the greatest impact, what can only be done by you and how do you let go of everything else? Because that's so essential if you want to actually get to that next level of success.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I just made it, made it out here on giving up, on give up on the other things that other people can do, and you know how I was envisioning. That is about what level of the organization are you working in? Are you working at a level below or two levels below? And if we are, then we are truly, are we're focused on the wrong things, and I think it's, it's challenging, as, as entrepreneurs, you know, we start our business because we're good at something and that's where our energy and our juice comes from. But, as our, as your, as you're, you know, as you're working to, as the business grows, we have to recognize that our, our relationship to the business needs to be evolved and change as well. So how does it? We take that idea in a in a business environment? How does that look then, with some of your personal clients, clients that are the dealing with wanting to make changes in their life? How does how does that work?
Speaker 1:And there's a lot of clarity on what the actual changes you want to make out, because a lot of people get stuck in a point of life and they get frustrated, and the reason why they're stuck is because they stop growing. And this is why, if you're unhappy in this situation you're in, you've got to figure out, okay, what actually needs to change, because what you tolerate you'll never change and if you keep just going through the motions and putting up with things, you never get to move forward. It's also really understanding what's holding you back, because I found over the last few years that the biggest reason why most people don't achieve their goals is they focus too much on what they want and they don't figure out who they need to become in order to make it happen. And the reason why this is so important is every new level of success requires a new level of you, and that's why your current habits, your behaviors, your way of doing things that got you the way you are isn't going to get you to the next level. If anything, that's the very thing holding you back and that's why the first place I start with, all new clients and anyone listening to this right now can do exactly the same thing. Like you need to figure out okay, that's your vision of what you want to achieve.
Speaker 1:Who is the version of you that's made that happen? Get that mentor image in your mind and then reverse engineer the journey. Really ask yourself like, what is that person done to get them to where they are? What habits did they develop? What processes to that in place? What non negotiables did they follow through with every day? That's going to give you a clear plan of this is what you need to start doing to get you to where you are.
Speaker 1:But then knowing that alone is not enough. You then need to start holding yourself to the standard that you push yourself to show up as that person in everything that you do, because on the anyone can take action on the days they feel like it. It's on the days that you're on mode of edge or tired. You don't want to do it. What you do in those moments are going to determine your results. So, rather than relying on who you currently are and hoping you feel motivated or get the discipline or willpower, you've got to ask yourself like what is the person I want to become? What would they do right now? Would he make excuses when he put it off for the stay in bed or he push himself to take action even though he doesn't feel like it, like when you start showing up as the person you want to become. That's how you'll build momentum, you'll build your confidence and, internally, you'll change the way to think and feel about yourself.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I just and I really like what you were saying and I just made a note there what would what would the person that I want to become do right now? What a great question to ask ourselves. And and I think you know the Tony Robbins always says you know what's about at the quality of our questions determine the quality of our lives, and we can think about the changing the direction of our questions, things.
Speaker 1:we get totally different answers and we can show up in a much, in a much better way, and you've done an obviously I'd love to add into this because I guess it's super valuable for anyone listening is the reason why I love that question is you can use it and everything that you're doing.
Speaker 1:So let's say you need to have a difficult conversation, or let's say you need to start working on a report, or you need to hit the gym, like regardless of what the barriers in front of you, if you're just hoping you're going to feel like it, you're never going to get results. And that's why it's all about, in that moment, asking yourself, like what would the person I want to become do right now? Like would they face that conversation with they get started on that project, with they do whatever needs to get done? And then you're just pushing yourself out of the equation. Your feelings, what you want to do, is irrelevant, it's no longer part of the situation. It's all about, okay, that person I want to be. What would they have done? And you hold yourself to that standard.
Speaker 2:Absolutely completely, because it's a different level of different level of mindset, it's different, different level of commitment. And then, but the other thing that you know that comes to my mind is that if you're aspiring to, to have a certain goal or achieve a certain outcome in your life and you recognize, as you do this, this bit of work that we're asking folks to do, that maybe it's not, maybe maybe you're just not going to be that committed to it because of the work, and so maybe that goal, that perspective, needs to change a little bit, put it in a position of that it is more motivating to move forward. And this isn't the focus on the ultimate goal. It's really about what am I going to do today and in each moment to help us move, help me move forward, because truly, it isn't about achieving the goal, it's about, it's about the results that we get within ourselves. And now you've done a lot of great. I love that. Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Byron. No, I love that framing that you just said, and I talk about this quite a bit in the book, and one of the final chapters is talking about the fact that, as cheesy as it sounds, happiness doesn't come from somewhere off in the future and achieving some goal, and instead it comes from the journey. And the journey takes place in the present, and that's why a lot of people, the reason why they struggle with finding fulfillment or joy in their life, is they keep telling themselves that I'll be happy once I achieve X, and it's like the thing is that you're never going to get to where you want to be, because that goal line is always going to move. As soon as you get close, you're going to want new things and new aspirations, and that's where you have to learn to balance your goals and ambitions with the process that you're going through. So I absolutely loved how you framed it there. That's such a powerful thing of just recognizing where you're going and what you've been through and really just allowing yourself to be in the moment.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and that's why, for us, we always do and we talk about, you know, and then in the intro here, talking about this hero's question, because to me there's our life, our, our, the totality of our life is a hero's journey, a hero's quest, but within that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of smaller little heroes quest. Every time that we're faced with a challenge, we go through the same piece. We go through the trials of tribulations. We reach out, we find mentors, we find coaches, such as yourself, to help us learn and adapt a new skill, and then ultimately embodying that and going through some extra, some more challenges to actually embody and practice it, and then ultimately bringing it home and raising the level and the standards we are, and then we just start the cycle over again. We there's another part of our life we're always growing, we're always changing, and I think that's why I really like about the framing that you're doing with your work is that it's not a one and done idea. This happens consistently in our lives and when we can recognize, when we can really truly focus on what's important in our for us, then we can have a more fulfilling life.
Speaker 2:Question I wanted to ask is that, as you've been doing your work. Obviously, you've had some insecurities in the beginning. Right, this is what started you on this journey to do this work. What's your biggest insecurity today?
Speaker 1:So one thing that I've become very good at over the last years is just tunnel, visuallying it out, because I think big part of the problem why I was so like stuck in the beginning was I'd so much self doubt and so many things like the fear am I going to be good enough, am I going to be able to do this? And that's why one of the big things over the last few years that I've really worked on is just filtering out whatever else things there's so much of that is just projection. We're taking on thoughts and beliefs about what's actually going on in other people's minds and then take it on ourselves. And that's why I've actively worked on all of my insecurities and I also now recognize that when they do come in, they're actually a positive, because a lot of people I get caught up thinking like they're self doubt or imposter syndrome and all of these things are a bad thing, whereas for me it goes back to recognizing that where's that fear coming from? Because what I said before about that, every new level of success needs a new level of view and the growth that comes along the way. So if you don't have a small element, am I going to be able to do this and all of these things. That means that you're thinking too small and your goals aren't big enough.
Speaker 1:So for me, like, the big thing that I'm looking to do next with my business has launched the speaking side of my career and it's one thing that, massively, is terrifying to me. So, going back to your question of body weight insecurities, like I'm like I've done this on a small scale in the past but like for the level I want to get to, it's such a step up. So I do like at times have those thoughts of what am I going to be able to do this and stuff, but at the same time I also recognize that's part of the journey. Like it's not something that I'm allowing to hold me back. I'm still pushing through it because I see that you know that means I'm growing and moving in the right direction, because if I was completely confident about you know, I can go knock that at the park. It wouldn't be challenging. So that's why they get anyone listening to us right now. You need to understand where those securities are coming from, because they are actually a good thing. They're a sign you're growing.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Thank you so much for saying that. And it's really we're talking a lot today about reframing the message and the stories that we have about things in our lives, and so I really appreciate you about how you, how you've placed this about our insecurity maybe in the beginning of the message and the story is that it's a it's, it's that fear and it's what's holding us back, because ultimately, our ego wants to keep our safe, wants to keep itself safe. But when we can recognize that this could be, as we do, growth and we can, we get and we become more in tune with who we are, that that insecurity or that peace really is giving us the, the signal that, hey, you're on the right step, you're doing your on the right path and just to take that next step. So that kind of leads me into the next, to the next question I want to have that you talk also in your book about why that we say we sabotage ourselves. So why do we sabotage our long term success?
Speaker 1:A lot of the time, the reason why we sabotage our long term success is we make decisions based on what we want in the moment, so we're essentially giving up what we want most for what we want now. It's where we're giving it to comfort or pleasure or that in the now satisfaction where as regardless of what your goal is whether it's business or business or something else it's going to require sacrifice. You're going to have to give up on things that you may want in the moment, which are then going to lead you to where you want to be. And this is why you always have to start making decisions based on where you want to get to, not on where, because it could be a perfect example of, let's say, you want to stop building a business and one thing you want to do is start putting out building an audience. So a lot of the time, you can actually be in a situation where you're like oh, I don't want to hit record and do that video because I don't feel like it today, or what if people like leave negative comments? So you just prioritize what you want in the moment. You keep putting it off. So you're going to have to give up on those fears and get uncomfortable and stop making traction.
Speaker 1:Or it could be a case of, let's say, you've got a fitness goal and you're trying to lose some weight, or you're going to have to give up the short term, thinking of prioritizing having that burger or that ice cream or bar of chocolate, because, even though it'll give you that momentary satisfaction, it means you're going to be further away from your goals. So it's always thinking like what are the consequences of these decisions? What is the outcome that this is going to take me away from? Because everything that you want in life is going to require making those short term sacrifices with. But most people don't think like this. They've always prioritized what they see immediately in front of them or what they want now, and that's why they actually get in their own way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. They come know, what I made, that wrote down here, was consequences of our decisions and I think, when we recognize that, that and we look at it from that perspective, that we can change the habits that we're currently, that we currently building into different habits. That allows us to continue with that growth. What has been the best piece of advice anyone has ever given you?
Speaker 1:Probably just to believe it in yourself and go after what you want. Because if I go back to the start of my journey, when I want to try to book and I want to start business and do all these things, I had so many people telling me it wasn't possible. I remember there's a friend I used to have who's not someone I have in my circle anymore, but he when I told him about he was like that's not going to work, no one's ever going to pay for that. I could be an idiot like, and if I had taken that face value we wouldn't be talking today. So for me it was just like all about figuring out what you want and staying true to yourself, because that when people tell you it's not possible or it can't be done, you have to recognize that that's because they don't believe it's possible for them.
Speaker 1:Where's no one who's ever done anything worthwhile has been listening to other people and what they say is actually something that can happen. Look at Elon Musk as a prime example. People always like all these things like limitations of humans, all these things where he's like no, screw that, I'm going to put people on Mars. But if you just listen to like everyone else and be like God still can't be done. He would not be doing what he's doing. It's the same to anyone listening to us right now, like you've got to filter out everyone else. You've got to just get that tunnel vision of okay, this is what I want to do. I'm going to believe in myself. This worst case you try and it doesn't work out. But at least then you can look back and be like do you know what? I went for it it wasn't meant to be which is going to be far better than reaching the end of your days and then, like you said in the introduction, regretting the things that you didn't do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and I think it comes back to exactly what you're saying, to two notes I wrote down here. One is really being mindful of the circle of friends that we have around us, because there's going to be those naysayers and they're there. Because they're there, they're really trying to protect themselves. They're seeing you change and grow and evolve and they're worried about being left behind. But if we continue to focus on what other people think and say about us, then we don't change. We don't end up by growing. So I think what putting that frame around our discussion today really makes a lot of sense for folks, because we spend far too much time worrying about what someone else might say and bowing their opinion and it may mean that we do need to change our circle of friends. And that doesn't mean that doesn't you won't be able to fill it with others. Just means that for this journey, at this particular time, they'll have, they'll have a different place in in your in in your life, as opposed to the one they're having today.
Speaker 1:One thing I'd love to add into this, because you see this a lot in the personal development and motivational world, where people like your friends don't think and believe the same stuff, cut them out. And I like to look at from a different angle. Like I'm more of an advocate of just being a little bit more selective of what you choose to share with different people, if I use. I've got some friends who when we were 18, fantastic guys, but they're still doing the same things now, 18 years later, that we did back then. Some of them are still in the same jobs, haven't really advanced in the careers and all that things, but they're happy with what they're doing and that's okay. But that doesn't mean that I have to then stop spending time with those people, even though I see them a lot less now that we've got older. But when I do spend time with them I just don't really talk about what I'm doing Because at the end of the day, like we're not on the same page with goals and aspirations, but that's okay. It's like this different things that you can connect with people. And one thing I just really dislike about the like all these gurus like cut these people out, only surround yourself with people who think like you do, and 100% yes, you want to surround yourself with people who push you to grow and develop, but that doesn't mean in social situations you can't be around others.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of people, especially young people, are hearing this message and they're putting themselves in a box and it's really causing a lot of unhappiness because they're severing relationships that don't need to be cut, but it just means you have to be a little bit more selective of okay, what do you want to open up about, what do you want to go into detail, who do you want to share your goals and what you're working with around, and who just do you want to have socially.
Speaker 1:But then, at the other side of that, if you do have someone who's really negative and weighing you down, don't be afraid to walk away, like the same example that I used of the friend who was just telling me like that would never happen, like that was one person in my life who was just not a good fit for who I wanted to become, what I was doing, and that's a relationship that I walked away from. So it's just finding that balance of like. Why do you want to change full circle? Is it because you're telling yourself some story of these people on the right fit, whereas actually it doesn't make them bad people and it's just? I think it's a message of positivity. More people need to really embrace.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, yes, I totally appreciate what, how you're putting this together, and that's exactly what was the point, and thanks for clarifying that with me. It isn't about about not spending time with anybody and cutting out all these people. It is about placing them in a different, in a different part of your life, and I know I have. I have a group of friends as well, different individuals, where there are certain things that we just don't talk about. Right, we're on different, we're on different perspectives when it comes to these topics, and so why? Why bring it? Why bring it up? And so, if it does happen to creep into the conversation, we just we both recognize it now and we just move on to something else, because there's so much more that a positivity from that relationship than this one aspect.
Speaker 2:And so it's really about, as you're saying, it's really about filtering and understanding what's the you know what? What is that? What's the value of the relationship? How can you maintain that? Because, in the end, being an entrepreneur, if that's your goal in life and you want to go and start a business, do things can be very lonely and you do need to support a friend, you do need to support a family, and so it's about being selective and understanding how to how to step into that, into that new role, and helping them understand how they can support you in that role. And if they're willing to do that, then you sure want to have that, that support in as you're moving along.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think we need. Really interesting thing you touched on this it's actually very lonely, and people who haven't run a business are never going to understand the challenges that you're going through. And their intentions might be the right place whether it's your partner or your friends or your family but they never really going to understand your drive. And this is why you need to be really careful who you take advice from, because if you're going to people who've never been through what you've done or who don't have the same mentality and goals, their advice is always going to be skewed, and that's why you need to be very careful of okay, what you actually let into your headspace and mindset, because a lot of the time, that can be damaging, especially when you're starting out. You weren't affirmation for what you do. You want to feel like you're on the right path or you want to talk about the things you're going through, but if someone can't comprehend, you just need to like really be aware of where any input they give you is from, because, even though it might be coming from the right place, it might actually be what holds you back, and this is why I'm a big believer in the idea of a business. This is why I'm a big believer that you need someone in your corner.
Speaker 1:Whether you get a coach, you get a mentor, you find a network of other people who are doing what you do. Find some like-minded people who are open to talking about what you're doing, because I've lost count of how many people I've spoken to on application calls, who I've looked at their LinkedIn and it's all smiles. They're winning awards, they're doing these big businesses, all these incredible things. And then they go on the phone with me and they just break down and they're just like all these things are going wrong. I'm so stressed I keep having to pretend everything's okay and everyone puts them up on a pedestal. So they feel like they have to keep up with facade because they don't want other people to see that their internal state doesn't match their external success. So they internalize and bottle it all up, which is so massively unhealthy, not just for your physical health but for your mental and emotional health. So it's just recognizing that. Do you know what? If you're going to do something like really push yourself to build a business, you need the right support network.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely, and I find that so, so true, especially for men, and it's like I focus on the men's fear of helping men understand and reclaim who they are, because they do.
Speaker 2:We do have this image and people will have this image of who we are, and we have this, this idea.
Speaker 2:Many of us will have this idea that we always have to be on you know, and on top of everything, and there are many days that and moments in the in those days when we're where, it's a challenge to be there and it's a challenge to be at that, and it's that it's okay to reach out and get mentorship for the work that you're doing and the work that we're doing or anywhere, but to find that piece that helps keep you centered, that helps bring you back into a place of confidence and security that you can take that next step forward, because obviously you had that, otherwise you wouldn't get, you wouldn't be where you are today.
Speaker 2:But it doesn't mean that it's always at the same level and that things happen in our lives and then we don't have that resource to be able to go to and turn to. It can be extremely draining. So it's so grateful for, for this work that you're doing as you think about your life and as things are going on by and now. If you were to pass forward 20 years and look back to today, what would that, what would that legacy, look like for you?
Speaker 1:So the big thing for me is, when I set out on all of this, it's like how can I help as many people as possible take control of their lives? Because if I go back to the guy I was in my early 20s when I was stuck and unhappy, like the big driving force is how can I help other people who are struggling? Like I was turned around and so that's really the impact I want to leave. It's just like how can I help people really create a life on their terms? But then, on a personal level, my, my perception of success has changed a lot over the last few years. Like growing up. Well, not even growing up, but even when I the first few years in my business, like I always view it as okay to be successful I need to earn X amount of money. I need to achieve all of these things. But now for me, well, I still want those goals. Like don't get me wrong, I haven't lowered my ambitions, but for me, the testament of success is can I go to bed at night feeling like the work I did was something I wanted to do with people I wanted to do it with, and I was excited by how I spent my time, Because one big lesson I've learned from working with CEOs and business leaders in 15 countries now is a lot of them aren't happy.
Speaker 1:Like people get massively driven by I want to earn money, I want to do all these things, and they just resent what they're doing and they just become burnt out and miserable. And that's why I don't think there's anything wrong with chasing money and wanting all of those fancy things in life, but you have to do it for the right reasons. Because for me, like, if you've got all the money in the bank but you're miserable, then what's the point If it's coming to the expense of your family and your health, like, was it really worth it? And that's why you've really got to go back to what I spoke about before. Instead of just living in the future, focusing on what you want to achieve, it's balancing, that being in the moment. There's being like you know what? Are you living on your terms? Are you finding that balance in your life where you are actually doing things for yourself? That's how, for me, is what success actually is.
Speaker 2:Uh, just really appreciate how you put that together there, byron, because I think I was saying earlier on in this month, we're talking about how we, how we define success as men, and I think so many of us focus on just as you're saying. It's about career and our fight and the financial perspective. But when we stop and look at our lives, our lives are so much greater than that. What does emotional success look like for us? What does physical and spiritual and in relationships? How does that, how do all, how does all that look like?
Speaker 2:And and I and it just takes me back to, you know, stephen Covey's work for many years ago, and, and with the seven habits, and I just feel that you know, as we look and evolve and grow as men, that, as we can expand our idea of who we are and give up on the and give up on the things that are holding us back, that we can produce so much greatness in this world, and so that we just and the world is starving looking for this, looking for good, on a solid man to step in and into roles to help lead their families and communities, and, and they're going to do that, uh, by with the help of your work. You know of everything that we spoke about today at Byron, and maybe there's something we didn't get a chance to touch on. If there was one takeaway you'd want our listeners to have, what would that be?
Speaker 1:One thing I'd love to expand on is what you started actually saying in the beginning, before we dived in, and one of the big realizations I made after my dad's cancer and I looked at how much time I'd waste in my life is that the harsh reality is far too many people are going to wake up at 65, they're going to look back at the life that they could have lived and the chances they didn't take, and they're going to be thinking what if? And that's why, do you know what, how? It's far more than rejection, then failure, then not getting a right right. It's regret. And this is why, for me, it's so important to start recognizing that you're going to regret the things that you don't do far more than the things that you do do. And I know that you've got fears. I know you've got things that you're worried about, but at the end of your days, if you can make a decision of, ok, I know that this is terrifying, but I'm going to go for it, because if I don't, I know that one day I'm going to look back and I'm not going to be able to get that time back.
Speaker 1:So it's all about really pushing yourself to go after the life that you want, because those fears are part of the journey, and if you allow them to hold you back, you're never going to reach your potential, and that's why, for me, the biggest driving force in my life is that fear of regret. It's being at the end of my days and not being able to change the choices I made, and this is why one way I love to frame it is if you could fast forward to your deathbed and you're looking back on how you lived your life, would you still be so worried about what other people think? Would you still worry going off to what you wanted out of fear? Would you still waste so much time worrying about problems that don't even matter? And if the answers no, why are you allowing yourself to do it today? And it's just all about making a decision of okay, where is your focus and energy going to go, and then allowing yourself to go forward with that? Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2:What a great way to wrap everything up for us. I just want to say thanks so much, byron, for being on the show today and spending time with us, and you know, we've started to lay some groundwork for people to remove the remove some some excuses, but also, more importantly, to give up on the things that have been holding us back and to truly step into who we are as men and individuals and really take, take life and live life and live it to the fullest. So if men are interested in getting ahold of you and participating in your programs, what would be the best way for them to reach you?
Speaker 1:So you can find out more about what I do and all of my books and coaching courses at Byron Morrisoncom. My new book, maybe you should give up seven ways to get out of your own way and take control of your life is available to order anywhere that you can get books, and I'm also active on most social media platforms, everything from LinkedIn to Instagram, facebook and TikTok. I do daily videos and guides and thought leadership pieces on how to get out of your own head and take control of your life, so just search for author Byron Morrison on any of those platforms and I'll come up Right on.
Speaker 2:I'll make sure all that information is in the show notes so people can get an opportunity to reach out and participate in your work. You're doing some phenomenal work out there. I really appreciate having you on the show today and just want to say once again, thank you so much. Thank you for listening to the revolutionary man podcast.
Speaker 3:Are you ready to own your destiny, to become more the man you're destined to be? Join the brotherhood that is the Awakened man at theawakendmannet and start forging a new destiny today.
