Redefining Masculinity: A Journey of Self-Ownership with Stephen Avent

Have you ever caught yourself blaming life's missteps on everything but your own choices? Stephen Avent, a lifestyle coach with a past life as an elite canine trainer, joins me to unravel the threads of personal accountability and growth. In a candid exchange, he shares his journey from the grips of anger and addiction to a profound transformation rooted in altering core beliefs and values. Our dialogue highlights what it means to step up and redefine masculinity, encouraging a balance of emotional, mental, and physical health that defies archaic stereotypes.

Embark on a holistic exploration of health, wellness, and the relentless pursuit of self-improvement. We dissect the importance of creating a bulletproof mindset, harmonizing it with physical fitness and nutrition to unlock peak performance. Stephen and I dissect the art of morning rituals and the subtleties of gratitude during adversity, offering insights that propel you toward a life of continuous growth. As we navigate through strategies to overcome self-sabotage and the complexities of ADHD, this episode stands as an invitation to join the journey of becoming, arming you with the resilience to face life's inevitable challenges.

Key moments:
03:31 Stephen's Journey: Overcoming Anger and Victimhood
05:30 The Power of Ownership and Facing Limiting Beliefs
06:40 Embracing the Whole Man Concept for Mental Health
07:07 Stephen's Insights on Anxiety, Depression, and Taking Action
09:02 Applying Canine Training Principles to Human Behavior
14:13 The Role of Fitness and Nutrition in Personal Development
20:24 The Importance of Ground Rules and Daily Wins
26:11 Purpose Over Pleasure: A Guiding Principle
27:09 Final Thoughts and How to Connect with Stephen

How to reach Stephen:
Website: http://mybrotherskeepercoaching.com/
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@mybrotherskeepercoaching
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/stephen.avent.509
Instagram: http://instagram.com/mybrotherskeepercoaching
TikTok: http://www.tiktok.com/@stephenavent
LinkedIn: http://linkedin.com/in/stephen-avent-0a2a6b1a8

Chapters

• 0:00 Taking Ownership and Personal Growth
• 14:15 Optimal Health and Wellness Coaching
• 20:11 A Journey to Continuous Improvement

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Have you ever played the victim in your life? You know, blaming someone else, the economy, the current situation in the world today for your lack of success, happiness and fulfillment. I think if we were honest with ourselves, we might be able to. It wouldn't be too much of a stretch, I would say, to say that we've sat on that pity pot more times than we care to remember. Now it's okay, we're humans and we're gonna go there from time to time. But what's not okay is spending your life there.

Speaker 1: 0:25

So today, my guest shares with us how being an elite canine dog trainer led him to owning his shit and, in doing so, faced life head on with amazing success. Now, before we get into all that, we know that being a man today has never been more challenging, and so the pain that we feel, for many of us, is real. It's a pain of loneliness and a pain of unworthiness, and it's masked by our anger and our resentment, and it's all because we're uncertain and afraid to take that next step. So if you're tired and fed up with where your life is at, then I'm going to encourage you to start your hero's quest where you can become more, live more and accomplish more than ever before, Go to memberstheawakenedmannet and start your quest today. Now let's get on with today's episode.

Speaker 2: 1:13

The average man today is sleepwalking through life, many never reaching their true potential, let alone ever crossing the finish line to living a purposeful life. Yet the hunger still exists, albeit buried amidst his cluttered mind, misguided beliefs and values that no longer serve him. It's time to align yourself for greatness. It's time to become a revolutionary man. Stay strong, my brother.

Speaker 1: 1:42

Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man podcast. I'm the founder of the Awakened man Movement and your host, alan DeMonso. When was the last time that you didn't own something that you knew was yours to own? And what about the time when you did? How did both of those instances shape the perspective about who you are and the type of man that you are? You know, listen, all of us are going to have moments in our lives when we do something that later we regret and how we handle. That says a lot about our character and what we're made of, and the same holds true when we don't do something. The point is taking ownership of our lives, and I mean all of it takes guts. And so today we're going to hear from a man who not only has the guts to own his life, but also has the fortitude to live fully and completely. So allow me to introduce my guest.

Speaker 1: 2:29

With almost two decades of elite canine training focusing on obedience, aggression control, behavioral modification and protection training, turning potentially killer dogs into loyal family members, stephen Avant stepped away from the dog world and found his passion in mind lifestyle coaching, striving to be the best person that he can be Now by implementing his deep understanding of core behavioral practices. Stephen helps people develop their lives to be the best that they can be, while simultaneously guiding them to giving them many, to helping them give up many of the vices that so often play with our members of society. Teaching a purpose over pleasure of lifestyle that brings true fulfillment instead of fleeting momentary pleasure. Welcome to the show, steven. How are things, brother?

Speaker 3: 3:15

Fantastic, thank you, and I don't think you could have encapsulated that better. I appreciate the introduction and, yeah, that is really what it's all about. Is, you know, finding what it is in your life that you need to own and just leveling up at every opportunity possible?

Speaker 1: 3:28

Yeah, absolutely, and you know, and that can be a challenge for many of us. And so, as you know, we start off with for all my guests here at the Revolutionary man, I always want to talk about your journey, your hero's quest, and so tell us about that time when you faced you know that maybe it was a crisis in faith or a challenge that you faced that how did that shape you, how that experience shape you into the man you are today and the work that you're doing?

Speaker 3: 3:51

Yeah, of course. So I'd say that my biggest struggles in life really showed up through anger, drug use and alcohol use, but they came from a place inside me where I had to recognize that it was, you know, a negative mindset, that victim. Find out what it was in my life that I needed to change and take accountability for all of the influences and you know, basically, the role that I've had in it, so that I could figure out where it was I need to level up and how I could do that to develop myself to be the man that I could look in the mirror and fully admire.

Speaker 1: 4:48

And I love that. I know that is a tough, tough thing for us to do, right when we look in that mirror and we look and we truly face the challenge that that we may not always agree. And you talked about limiting beliefs. You know, and I think you know, in the work that we do here with the awakened man, especially in our group program, is we really challenge each other to look at those opportunities where we are short changing ourselves. We have this limiting belief and sometimes that comes from a set of values at one point in our life maybe served us, but no longer. So tell me a little bit about that situation for yourself. Were there, were there things that you were holding to be true for you and then we would call those values that were actually holding you back from really living the life that you wished.

Speaker 3: 5:30

Ultimately, I think just from the exposure that I had being raised, I came to accept that a man was supposed to be a certain thing, that in hindsight I feel that that perspective was very flawed. I was raised to think that a man was aggressive, you know, drank, did drugs, sold. Drugs basically came with an image of strength that was only represented by a physical ability, you know, almost a gangster type perspective, rather than an all around solidlyly developed, emotionally, mentally and physically balanced male. That I now perceive is what we really need to be. And so through that it left me stuck thinking that what I saw around me was really what was deserved for the average male to have. And when I sort of saw past that and recognize what a male could actually be, I saw that once we can develop ourselves to be that pinnacle male figure, we can be so much more to society, to our families and even just to ourselves as a whole.

Speaker 1: 6:40

Absolutely when we come in and then you know when I talked about you, really you're really living a life that's really full and complete, and what I mean by that is that it looks like that you're really have taken embrace the idea of the whole man concept, as you're just as you were just describing. I think that's really crucial for today, because there's so much depression and anxiety right now and and it's challenging for it, as I was talking about with the our hero's quest, the part piece that we do here so tell me a little bit about why you think that there's so much struggle with, with with anxiety and depression.

Speaker 3: 7:14

So I think often when we're looking at anxiety and depression, people are trying to control their past and future, opposed to really trying to focus on their present and I think, even in the present moment.

Speaker 3: 7:26

You know, I dropped a bar of soap today and as it was falling, I instinctively reached out to grab it and it fell and I recognized in the moment that I put no effort into grabbing it, I just went through the motions of it and as I reflected on this, I recognized that most people that I talked to, whether it was in dog training and coaching or in just everyday life, they compare it what it is that needs to be said that they're doing to make it appear as though they're doing what they need to be doing in their life.

Speaker 3: 7:58

But if they are really honest with themselves or if somebody is to watch it from an outside perspective, so often people are just going through the motion but there's no effort, there's no intention, there's no passion. They're doing what they feel they need to do, but they're not doing what they have to do, and so through this, I feel, you know, they end up just falling into a trap of feeling bad for themselves, going back to that victim mentality, opposed to really leveling up, recognizing what it is that they have to do and what it is they have to change to get.

Speaker 1: 8:32

I think that's so true and that's why we talk a lot also about really taking whole all responsibility for for who you are, for where you are and whom you aspire to become. Because when we look at that, that is looking at future and present, but it's it's grounded in the present, and so I like how you frame that, because it makes complete sense, it really resonates with the work we're doing here and and I'm really grateful that you know that you brought that forward now. I did talk a little bit about your in your bio there, about being, you know, turning potentially killer dogs into loyal family family members. So how do you apply, how are you applying those principles of behavior modification to helping individuals overcome their personal challenges and developing a disciplined mindset?

Speaker 3: 9:19

I think the biggest thing is that when a dog recognizes that their main advantage to life comes from following the path that brings the biggest reward, that true, healthy balance path. Once they acknowledge that and they start behaving in the manner that we ideally want them to, they start getting all of the praise and the love and the freedoms that they actually desire. They get that balanced structure. It's the same thing with people. So often we think that we want one thing, but when we start really applying ourselves in the path that is most fulfilling and rewarding and we do the right things in life instead of the things we think we want to do and this could be diet, exercise, you know, just overall lifestyle and the way that we interact with people and behave as a whole we start to really recognize the true value that comes back to us instead of the momentary beneficial experiences that we're applying so much value to in the present.

Speaker 1: 10:18

It's so true, right? Because really, what you're talking about there is really about having, you know, a deeper purpose and meaning for doing things right. And when you talk about having that healthy balance, it's interesting because I wouldn't have made that connection, which is why I was curious to see how that behavior modification you're absolutely right, it's very it sounds very stoic to me in terms of how you're looking at life. Right, like life's going to throw us, as we talked about earlier, like life's always going to throw us a curveball. We're going to be in a position where we're not going to be thrilled with the cards are being dealt, but how we react to that and finding that that deeper meaning, I think, is really the key to it. And so let me ask you then is that why you feel that pain is our friend?

Speaker 3: 11:02

100%, I mean. The phrase that I like most is that every negative in your life provides you with the equivalent opportunity for growth, and so we develop and grow through the pain periods. You know you don't have all of the growth come from the beautiful moments in life. Now these do help. They give us the desire to continue pushing forward through the rough times. But all of the real growth and opportunity for it come through our struggles, and so when you learn to embrace that and even recognize it as it's coming, that this is going to be an opportunity for my further growth, and you truly embrace that concept as a whole, you almost look forward to these things and you know that you're going to make it through. And not only are you going to make it through, you're going to come out the other side better than you were when you went in.

Speaker 1: 11:57

I really liked that last point that you made there about that future, that future pacing, the idea of coming, cause I think of what came to my mind was sometimes, when I have to have a challenging conversation with somebody, it hasn't occurred, I'm already under, I already have a feeling there, a sense that it's it could be challenging, and so it gives me opportunities to prepare, to set the stage in order to so I can show up to the best that I can and have the outcome most desired outcome, not just for me, but especially for for the both of us. And so thanks for for pointing that out, that really it's also about looking at future, what's happening, cause I to your point, we can, we can sense or know when things might be more challenging, based on scenarios that have been going around, that. So that's a really, really good point, and it ends up spiraling that you know the potential conversation into a direction that may not have even had to have gone.

Speaker 3: 13:05

You know and that is one thing I feel that we do often bring an energy to something that, if it hadn't been present, could have brought a different outcome in the first place. So, although there is advantage of bringing the past forward in order to learn from it, too often we end up dredging it forward and reliving it because we really put too much value in it.

Speaker 1: 13:27

Yeah, absolutely Completely agree with that, and I think what's the key part there? You can use the word energy and I think that's another really great nuance to what we're talking about here, because you could future play that with negative energy, and you talked about that. Negative energy really is an opportunity for us to have the opportunity to grow, and so having the right energy put into place for that makes it, it will make that outcome much more desirable. So it's a really nice nuance and thanks for bringing that forward, because those are the types of things that, to your point, there are. There are times that we'll bring, we'll dredge forward the past and all. All what we're doing is reinforcing the negative habit, behavior or whatever it is that it is, is it's really been holding us back, and so I know you're really you're. You're do a lot of work also with fitness and health and that. So tell me a little bit about how, how that's working with your coaching clients and how have you been using that to help them break through some of their limiting beliefs?

Speaker 3: 14:25

yeah, I mean ultimately the. The coaching that I do is so focused on mindset, but the lifestyle is equally as important. So in order for it to all function at its maximum capacity, we need to develop the mindset to be 100% bulletproof. And we need the fitness component to have you in the physical shape and getting your energies once again lifted to be where they need to be free to be your best person every day. And then the nutrition component is just as important, because if you're not eating what you're supposed to be eating, you're going to see it physically and you're going to feel it in your mentality as well. So by getting all three of these in unison and working together, we can really develop a core foundation that the person can function at their ideal capacity every day, project that into absolutely everything in their life where they're ready and prepared physically, mentally and emotionally to conquer and really do their maximum ability in everything that they have to embrace in their day.

Speaker 1: 15:30

Yeah, I like that. It's really a synergistic approach, right, and it's so true, because we can't just focus on health, you know fitness. We can't just focus on the nutrition aspect of it. Those are key pieces of it. But if we don't just focus on on health you know fitness we can't just focus on on the nutrition aspect of it. Those are key pieces of it. But if we don't have the right mindset, that's really the glue that holds it together. And that's where I think it's important that we have coaches such as yourself.

Speaker 1: 15:50

The work that we're doing here at the awakened man is to help our clients move through that piece, to get through, and we also talk a lot about the self-sabotage. Right, it's the. It's the self-sabotaging behaviors that they don't necessarily recognize that's occurring for them. It'll be the. It'll be the guy that you know wants to be the business owner and then, just before it's time to launch, you know he blows it up some way. And so do you have in your work? Are you finding that experience as well, that there tends to be this? Yeah, I mean, you see that throughout life.

Speaker 3: 16:26

I mean, you see the businessman that's preparing for something huge and then all of a sudden they're halfway through a bottle of rum and you know late for their flight and it's just sabotages the whole thing.

Speaker 3: 16:39

You got people that are preparing for something physical and all of a sudden you know they're crushing a pizza and donuts the night before.

Speaker 3: 16:46

And these go back to those limiting self-beliefs. We often believe that we are worth less than we actually are. And so I think, number one, seeing people succeed in places that you want to be, knowing that they are not a super person, but rather that we all are, and then being told that you are worth it, you can do this, you deserve this, and I think that's where often having a coach is very important, because they can see the potential in you that you may not see yourself, they can hold you to the accountability that you may be lacking at times and they can support you when you need it to be uplifted. And they can also correct you and basically add that compression factor when you're getting a little bit too boisterous. And so this ties right back into the dog training too. Except with the dogs it was correction and praise, and with the humans. It's compassion and compression, but it's the same process of knowing when to apply which to get the maximum and most ideal result for your client.

Speaker 1: 17:51

Oh, that's really interesting. I like that, that analogy, for sure. You know you also mentioned to talk a little bit about, and I was doing some research and getting ready. You've mentioned something about ADD as being a scapegoat for some of us. Now, is that something that you had to overcome or is that something that you're just finding with, with with your clients and in society in general?

Speaker 3: 18:09

So I mean, I have very good friends that I've grown up with. My partner has basically self-diagnosed herself as having ADHD and myself, I 100 percent have this too. I'm not sure that anybody in our society who's raised with the media that we have doesn't have to deal with this to some degree or another. But as soon as you attribute that you have a deficit in any area of your life, whether it's ADHD or any other you know cause of you not being your absolute best, to me that's just giving you a note as to where you need to level up, where do you need to put your focus.

Speaker 3: 18:54

And then the question is if you have something like AD, what have you done to eliminate it? You know, this is where I read every day, I meditate daily, I exercise daily, so I am burning out my energies, I'm focusing for extended period of times, I'm developing my mental capability to keep me on track with things that I otherwise might not want to stay on track with. And if I just use the excuse of, oh, I have ADD, I could easily just walk away from whatever it is that I'm doing, but that doesn't do me justice and it could be very rude in the situation, depending on. You know who you're talking to.

Speaker 1: 19:32

Yeah, for sure, for sure. I know I have friends and family members that struggle with that as well and you're absolutely right, it is about. You know, it's that signpost that says, okay, now you've been able to name it. So I interviewed one John he talked about. He said name it to tame it and then feel it to re, to reveal it, right. And so you start to do that process as just as you described, right. So you, you understand it now and you can take purposeful action towards, towards working with it, as opposed to having it work against you. They're actually working with it and I think that was really really awesome to do that. You know, your journey also talks about being the best that you can be, and how did you personally grow, continue to grow and evolve, and what practices or habits are you prioritizing in your own life to maintain that mindset of continuous improvement?

Speaker 3: 20:25

So I was blessed to come across a coach that I signed up with, and he helped me to establish certain ground rules and much.

Speaker 3: 20:32

Once again, like in my dog training practice, I worked with him for an extended period of time to basically download his voice into my head, and then, once I worked with it for long enough, it evolved back into my own, to my own, and so, through these routines, I've been able to establish ground rules as how to build enough wins every day to raise my internal value and ensure that I can continuously conquer any failures that I come into and continue to push forward to stack more and more wins on a daily basis. And so this comes down to I have a set wake up time of 5am that I'm up at every day, and this is 365 days a year. Regardless of how I feel, regardless of what time I go to bed, I wake up, I have a structured morning that I do, which includes fitness, eating properly, reading, journaling and basically structuring my day so that, by the time everybody else's day is starting, I've already already elevated myself in every manner so that I am that best person that I need to be, so I can offer it to all.

Speaker 1: 21:39

Love that, love that I just made a couple notes are the ground rules for building your, your, your daily wins, and I think that is so key about and you talked earlier about being in the present, and that's a great tidbit there that hopefully our listeners picked up about setting it, setting yourself up with some ground rules that allows you to have those wins so that at the end of the day, when, if you do have a journaling practice whether that's physically journaling, writing, or you take that time for reflection what a great way to keep yourself motivated and keep moving the needle forward.

Speaker 1: 22:10

Because I think at times we get this idea that you know we've arrived, you know I lost the 20 pounds that I wanted to leave to lose, and then we tend to to go back to bad habits, especially if we haven't worked with a coach who's been able to keep us on track, and so I really liked that. And I liked how you also talked about setting a structured morning routine, because I think that too is so key to our success in life how we, how we start our day, really determines how that day is going to going to go, and so thanks for two awesome tidbits there.

Speaker 3: 22:40

Yeah, and so on that note number one starting your day in a way that you're structuring it ensures that I'm not waking up and leaving my day subject to how I woke up Today. I'm in a bad mood, Today's going to be terrible, and this is how I sort of left my life and for much of my life. And then, secondly, that point that you just brought up, I think is huge. Too often we are focused on an end goal and once that goal is achieved or if we fail, worst case, what happens after that? We typically go back to the previous negative, unwanted behaviors, Whereas when you fall in love with the practice and you put all of the value in the one step that you have to do next, there is no ultimate goal. We're not winning some you know award. We're just constantly stacking wins in our life, and I think that that is one of the biggest mental shifts that people need to make.

Speaker 1: 23:38

Ah, that's a great way to frame that right. It's really about the. The goal is about becoming, not the, not a, not a complete end state, because a becoming is always, is always evolving, it's always changing and growing, right? I'm not that I don't have the same values and beliefs that I had in my 20s or in my 30s and I'm in my 50s now. It's changes. Why does it change? Because we have experiences and lessons, life lessons learned, and we've had coaches along the way, we've had mentors, and all of that impacts who we are, and that's a great, that's a great nuance to add as well to this to our conversation. So, listen, when the chips are down, what advice would you give someone to really help them pull through a challenging time that they may be having?

Speaker 3: 24:23

I mean, the bottom line is is that know that the good times will always come back if you push forward. Find the gratitude for everything that you do have in your life and find the gratitude for all of the challenges that are coming your way. Like we already touched on, reach out to people that are on the path that you want to be on, you know. Find the people that are highly successful at whatever it is that you want to be successful at. Don't necessarily put all your energy into sharing things with the people around you that might be inherently negative, because when an idea is fresh or when you're struggling with something, you are in a vulnerable state that, if you get the wrong feedback from the wrong person, it is going to be catastrophic. So being select with your energy as a whole and making sure that you're constantly striving to perpetually push yourself forward is key.

Speaker 1: 25:19

Oh yeah, absolutely, and I like that. That piece is really about being careful about who we're surrounding ourselves, who we share our goals and our dreams and our aspirations with, and when we treat them with the respect that they deserve. And finding that mentor, that person that's a little bit further down the line than we are to help guide us, really gives us that energy to keep moving forward, as opposed to maybe telling a family member or a friend what it is that you're trying to do and they may just not understand it. Member or a friend, what it is that you're trying to do, and they may just not understand it, and, out of out of kindness from themselves, it may be it may come across much, much worse than what we had hoped to get from them, and so that's a great piece of advice. So, speaking of advice, along your journey you must have had a mentor or two that has probably given you a piece of advice that's really served you more than anything else. Can you tell us what that advice was and how it served you?

Speaker 3: 26:11

Purpose over pleasure. That phrase right there, if you really break it down, is everything, and if you highly focus on living a life based on purpose over pleasure, it will straighten every decision that you're contemplating making.

Speaker 1: 26:29

Outstanding. I love that. You know, Stephen, of everything we spoke about today, and maybe there was something we didn't get a chance to touch on. What would be the one thing you'd like our listeners to take away from our conversation?

Speaker 3: 26:37

I mean, just know that you're worth it. Nobody out there is ever in a position that they're in because they are magical in any way other than the way that you are. So it's about just embracing your strengths and growing through your weaknesses and you can be where you want to be. The day you decide that you're worth more and you want it is the day that your life can change. You then just have to stay on the path to get the actual result.

Speaker 1: 27:07

I love that. That's outstanding. Once again, stephen, thank you so much for spending time with us today, and you know you were able to give us some breadcrumbs and a path here to help us really own our stuff. Own our shit and then take responsibility for the consequences, no matter how challenging they may be. And so if men are interested in getting a hold of you participating in your work, what would be the best way for them to do that? So?

Speaker 3: 27:30

Instagram is definitely the easiest way to reach me. I answer all my messages directly. My Brother's Keeper Coaching is my handle. If you're not on social media. I do also have a website that's wwwmybrotherskeepercoachingcom, and so either one of those options works very well. And yeah, thank you very much for having me.

Speaker 1: 27:52

Outstanding Well. I want to make sure all that information's in the show notes for today's episode. Once again, thank you for being on the show. I loved our conversation today.

Speaker 3: 27:59

Likewise, it's been a pleasure.

Speaker 2: 28:08

Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary man podcast. Are you ready to own your destiny, to become more the man you are destined to be? Join the brotherhood that is the Awakened man at theawakendmannet and start forging a new destiny today.