Part 2 - Navigating the Shadows of Anxiety and Depression in Men

Feeling like you're constantly battling a storm inside your mind? Discover how to navigate the turbulent waters of anxiety and depression in our latest episode of the Revolutionary Man Podcast. Host Alain Dumonceaux takes a hard look at the silent struggles many men face but seldom discuss. From identifying the insidious signs of anxiety to understanding the crippling weight of depression, this episode is packed with insights aimed at helping you break free from the chains of mental health stigma.

Alan invites you to reflect deeply on your own experiences, challenging the outdated notion that men must always be tough and self-reliant. Through candid discussion and practical advice, learn to recognize the physical and emotional symptoms that often go unnoticed. Whether you find yourself grappling with a racing heart, insomnia, or a looming sense of dread, this episode offers strategies to manage these conditions effectively. Join us for a transformative conversation that aims to empower you to lead a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Key moments in this episode:
04:13 Recognizing Emotional and Physical Signs of Anxiety
07:38 Exploring Depression in Men
17:10 Practical Tips for Managing Anxiety and Depression
23:10 Conclusion and Next Steps

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome back to part two, as we continue exploring our special four-part series on men's mental health. In our last episode, we discussed the stigma surrounding men's mental health, shared a couple of practical tips for recognizing and addressing those issues, but today we're going to focus on something that affects many men. It doesn't matter whether you're in a position of a high-pressure role or just an everyday father looking to lead their family. We're going to talk about recognizing and managing anxiety and depression. Anxiety and depression are two of the most common mental health issues that men can face today, and they have a profound impact on our lives that are left unaddressed, and so many men experience these conditions, but we tend to struggle to identify the symptoms or we're just too ashamed to seek help, and so in this episode, I'm going to break down the signs of anxiety and depression, we're going to explore how they manifest in men, and we're going to provide some practical strategies for managing these challenges, and so understanding anxiety and depression is going to be crucial for us in maintaining our mental well-being and ensuring we can thrive in both our personal and our professional lives.

Speaker 1: 1:13

Now, before we get into a lot, we know that being a man today has never been more challenging, and so the pain we feel is real. It's a pain of loneliness and it's a pain of unworthiness. It's all masked because of our anger and our resentment, and it's all because we are uncertain, we're afraid to take that next step. And so if you're tired and fed up with where you're at, then I'm going to ask you to start your hero's quest. It's where you can become more, accomplish more and live more than ever before. Just go to membersawakenmannet and start your request today. With that. Let's get on with today's episode.

Speaker 2: 1:53

The average man today is sleepwalking through life, many never reaching their true potential, let alone ever crossing the finish line to living a purposeful life. Yet the hunger still exists, albeit buried amidst his cluttered mind, misguided beliefs and values that no longer serve him. It's time to align yourself for greatness. It's time to become a revolutionary man. Stay strong, my brother.

Speaker 1: 2:22

Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast. I'm the founder of the Awakened man Movement and your host, alan DeMonso. I'm going to start today's conversation with asking you to think about your own mental health. Have you ever felt persistently worried or on edge, without knowing why, and how do you usually handle those feelings? Second question I'd like you to consider is have you ever experienced periods of intense sadness or loneliness, maybe helplessness, hopelessness? What strategies do you use to cope with these emotions? You know it's really important that we dive into this information here today, as we recognize that managing our anxiety and depression is key to us living healthy and fulfilling lives, and so men can tend to be put off this kind of support. It's because we think that we're supposed to be tough and self-reliant and able to manage a pain and take charge of situations, but the fact of the matter is that's not always the case. So this can make it really hard for us to acknowledge that we have any health issues, let alone mental health issues, and let alone that any of this affect not only our social and our emotional well-being. And just so you know, the stats today are saying that one in five men will experience anxiety at some stage in their life, and so anxiety is really a lot more than just having sweaty palms or butterflies in our stomach. Symptoms of this can have anxiety really include ongoing feelings of worry and fear and thinking about impending doom. You know that project you need to get done and thinking that it's just not going to work out, and these can be really severe if they interfere with our ability to work, maintain our relationships, even get a good night's sleep. So how do we know exactly when anxiety is kicking in? And while I've given you a couple of ideas, here's some other things for you to consider.

Speaker 1: 4:18

For many men, anxiety is going to manifest physically in our bodies. It'll be things like our pounding or a racing heart, as I mentioned earlier, excessive sweating, muscle tension, restlessness or agitation. You can even become dizzy and have a bit of vertical. There's also a bit of shortness of breath or choking sensations, insomnia, panic attacks. Let's stop and think about that for a second. I know for me, when anxiety starts to creep up, for sure it's shortness of breath. It's almost like the feeling of hyperventilating. And, yes, sometimes it's maybe not the excessive sweating for me, but it will be excessive saliva and I'll feel like I'm choking and I can't get those words out. So it's important that we recognize that this is starting to happen for us.

Speaker 1: 5:11

What about emotionally? What signs can we consider that maybe anxiety is starting to creep up for us emotionally? Well, for men it's much different than it is for women, and for us, when we start to worry too much about things that could go wrong, we get these feelings of dread. You know we have challenges concentrating, concentrating on what the task is sitting at hand, and so we'll become avoidant. We'll have this catastrophic thinking that you know the world is going to end. We can also become irritable or get edgy on what's happening and this is very common for men and how it will show up, and then we can become overly vigilant towards danger, so we become even more cautious.

Speaker 1: 5:53

If you're a risk averse person to begin with and you had started, getting into a, bouts of anxiety can make it even more challenging to take that next step. And on the other side of the coin, there is the absent mindedness as well. Other side of the coin, there's the absent-mindedness as well, the fear of losing control, thinking about what's happening in your life. Now, of course, there's many other things that can show up, but here are some basics, some ideas, some things that you can pay attention to that might be happening for you, to help understand when anxiety is starting to creep into your life. So it's important to recognize these signs and understand that anxiety is not just going to be a mental state, but it is going to have a tangible effect on how it shows up in our bodies. And so the American Psychological Association, the APA, says that chronic work-related stress can be a leading cause to anxiety disorders, which are among the most common mental health issues affecting men today.

Speaker 1: 6:49

And I'm not surprised to hear that, especially in a society where everything is about doing more and being and accomplishing more. How is that different than what I'm talking about in our hero's quest? In the hero's quest, when we talk about becoming more, living more and being more, it's about an internal, about living a fulfilled life. It's not about the external drive, the external accoutrements of life society would like you to have. Let's face it we can have all the riches in our world that we would ever desire, but it doesn't necessarily make us happy, and so being able to balance and understanding where we're sitting, where we reside in that and what meaning brings to our lives, is the key to us unlocking a fulfilling life. So let's talk a little bit about depression Now.

Speaker 1: 7:41

While depression is normally going to be associated with sadness and hopelessness, it also manifests itself also as being irritable and having anger in it, and so unnecessary risk-taking will also occur for us, and it's an increased alcohol and drug use in men, and one of the things that I recognize in doing research on men's work is that we tend to lean to do those when depression comes in. We'll fall into some pretty dangerous and severe vices, whether that be drugs or alcohol or pornography or anything that takes our mind away. That distraction, and not in a healthy way, can cause us to be in a position of depression. So we don't have to necessarily be sad all the time or have any feelings of hopelessness. They may be subtle, but how we are becoming allowing ourselves to be distracted can be a huge indication that something else is going on for us, and so, like anxiety, there's going to be some physical signs of depression in men, and it's going to show up in lots of different ways, and so one of the ways is a loss of energy. You know, we become really lethargic or we get exhausted early, and this is a different type of exhaustion. It's not like if you decided to start working out.

Speaker 1: 9:00

Then one of the things that's been a challenge for me is maintaining a consistent regimen of physical health and physical fitness. Sure, I'm tired and exhausted after, but this is a type of exhaustion that we're talking about here. Is that really draining feeling, that feeling of barely being able to get out of bed? It's a little bit different type of feeling. We'll have changes in our appetite, maybe we choose to not eat as much or we overindulge, changes in our sleep pattern. So, again, this is where maybe some insomnia starts to show up, become very restless in our sleep.

Speaker 1: 9:37

Another big thing for men would be a loss of sex life, of a sex life and or sex drive, especially if you're having issues or encountering anything to do with erectile dysfunction, and for many men this is something, as we age can become quite challenging for us. We no longer have that ability to be able to be as intimate as we'd like to be, and so how we frame our lives around the bedroom can really have a negative impact in how we show up and cause some depression. And so there's lots of information and work on that, and maybe I'll need to do a podcast specifically on that aspect, and, of course, watching and paying attention to how we're incorporating drugs and alcohol into our lives. And if you're the type of person that enjoys to have a drink now and then or on a weekend, and now it's becoming more of a daily occurrence, and it's not just one, it's multiple might be an indication there's things that you need to address and you just haven't done that just yet, and so, emotionally, the signs are going to show up, for depression is going to be somewhat similar to what we've seen with anxiety, just in a different scale, and so we're going to have this feeling of sad or we're nervous. We'll also lose interest in things that we used to enjoy, things that brought us pleasure, and again we talked about earlier about feeling irritable or angry, and when it gets to an extreme, it can even turn into violence, and so if it's showing up that way for us and we're becoming very, very physically violent, then we need to really take a moment to really address what's happening there.

Speaker 1: 11:18

You can also be the other side of the coin. Maybe you're not that type of person where you're leaning towards more of the violent. You can become very withdrawn, and, as someone like myself, who is an introvert and I enjoy my alone time, being too alone or the next piece is being isolated, and isolating ourselves can really be detrimental to our mental health and mental well-being, and so that's why it's important to recognize the nuances and the shifts that's happening for you Not that it's something that you consistently do, but are you really? Is it starting to be elevated and expanded to a large, much larger degree? There's also the feelings of worthless, being worthless or guilty and hopelessness, taking, and even be taking, some unnecessary risks, you know. So we the two ends of the spectrums for guys, and so I really believe that depression starts to exacerbate the ends, those spectrums of how we are.

Speaker 1: 12:17

If you're that type of gregarious person, maybe it's being more gregarious, it's being more of that risk taker, it's really expanding and showing out itself to the world, whereas if you're more of an introvert, like I am, maybe you're becoming more reclusive, taking less and less time. You don't want to spend time with people, and so really pay attention to how that's showing up for you, because it is an indication that you might be battling through something. And of course, ultimately, you know, with depression is to be thinking about death and suicide, and there's lots of statistics out there, and the latest ones that I recognize is that men are four times more likely to commit suicide than women, and the reason for that is because we're going to take a much more dramatic stance on that, or a much more dramatic action towards it, and so when we do that, it can be very impactful for ourselves, obviously, but also the ones that we leave behind, and so depression can present itself in us, in men, very differently, and so we already talked about how it looks like with anger and aggression, risk-taking, and it's really helping us to understand that these differences are really crucial in how we recognize what's happening for ourselves, and so you may see this behavior in other people, friends that you are close to that. They're just slightly different than what they've been showing up before. It could be an indication of the things that they're struggling, and so, again, when we look at the National Institute on Mental Health, they indicate that men are less likely to recognize our symptoms and less likely to seek help, and so it's often leading to untreated depression, and it's a severe consequences. And so it's really important, gentlemen, that we pay attention to how we're showing up in life and to listen to those that care for us, as they can help steer us in a better direction.

Speaker 1: 14:14

So let me tell you a story about Mike. He's a successful executive who went through a profound mental health journey. See, mike was always a pillar of strength among his peers, and he had a high-powered job, loving family, and seemingly it was a perfect life. However, mike was struggling. The constant demands of his job and the pressure to provide for his family left him feeling drained and anxious, and he started experiencing panic attacks, which he initially dismissed as minor stress. And as time went on, mike's anxiety worsened. He began to feel a deep sense of sadness, hopelessness, and so he lost interest in the activities that he used to enjoy, and his performance and work, of course, began to suffer. So Mike isolated himself because he felt ashamed of his feelings and believing that, hey, if I admit that I'm struggling, that it would make him appear that he's weak. And so then, one day, after a particular intense attack, mike realized he couldn't continue ignoring his mental health anymore. And so then, one day after a particular intense attack, mike realized he couldn't continue ignoring his mental health anymore, and so he decided to confide in his wife and that's pretty powerful to do that and who not only was incredibly supportive but encouraged him to seek professional help. So Mike reached out, and he found a therapist who helped him understand his anxiety and his depression, taught him a few coping strategies. The therapist also recommended that Mike join a men's group where his journey could be shared with others so he'd give him a sense of community and understanding. And so, as the Hindu proverb goes, help thy brother's boat across and lo thine own has reached the shore. And so, through therapy and the men's group, mike learned importance of self-care, about setting boundaries and the power in brotherhood. And so, over time, mike's mental health improved significantly. He became more open about his journey and started to advocate for mental health and awareness, not only in his workplace, but with his brothers as well in his workplace, but with his brothers as well. And so his transparency inspired many of his colleagues to prioritize their mental health and to seek help whenever needed. So Mike's story is a powerful one and reminder that all of us that it's okay for us that we're going to struggle in life, and it's okay if we need to ask for help, and that taking care of our own mental health doesn't make us less capable. It makes us stronger and much more resilient. That's what I appreciate about the story of Mike's story is that really he took ownership and responsibility for where his life was, at encouragement of a spouse to help him do that, as well as with a group of men, and so it's a key point in what helped Mike on his transformational journey. And so there's lots of things that we can do to look after our health and our well-being, so we're going to find an approach that really suits best for you, and so here are a few practical tips for managing anxiety and depression, and one of the things that I've become more and more a fan of is deep breathing exercises, and, matter of fact, today I was working with John Eldredge's app of pause is an opportunity, a reminder, twice a day to take a breath, to slow down, and so practicing deep breathing can calm our nervous system. So one thing that I really personally enjoy and even using John Eldred's work, there's stuff like Wim Hof's breathing method is also a great opportunity to help you get centered. The point here is to do some form of deep breathing exercise, mindfulness and meditation. You know these are great practices to help us stay present and will help us reduce our anxiety. Physical activity, of course. The more active we can get, the more of this energy we can expend and we can move and shift in our bodies, and so regular exercise does boost our mood and it helps us reduce stress. And then there's this other exercise that I came across most recently that I really enjoyed and has started to also implement, and I'm going to call it the trips. It's another quick exercise and I think that for most of us that we can do just about anywhere. So it starts with we have this feelings of anxiety is starting to come up for us. Just look around us and we can name three things that we see in our environment and then name three sounds that we hear in our environment, and then finally move. Three of your body parts Could be wiggling your toes, your fingers, ankles and arm. See, whenever we feel our brain is just going a million miles an hour. This little mental trick will help center ourselves and bring us back into the present moment, because if you ever notice that when you're dealing with anxiety or depression, we'll stay with anxiety at this moment, is that we're always in a different time and space. It's either in the past or way off in the future, and neither of those we have much control over, but we do have control with what's happening right in front of us. And so what can we do about coping, and some strategy of coping with depression? We're going to talk about creating a toolness wellness toolbox here, but before that I just want to read this quote from Marcus Aurelius, who was a great Stoic Roman emperor, and here's what he says about nature and depression. Nature did not blend things so inextricably that you can't draw your own boundaries. Place your own well-being in your own hands. It's quite possible to be a good man without anyone realizing it. Remember that, and this too you don't need much to live happily. And just because you've abandoned your hopes of becoming a great thinker or a scientist, don't give up on attaining freedom, achieving humility, serving others and obeying God. I think what a great way for us to really center ourselves and understand what our definition of being a man is today. And so what are other things that we can do to help us cope and manage our depression? You know, keeping a regular schedule can help us provide some sense of normalcy, and it also gives us an opportunity to truly keep the main thing, the main thing, what is truly important in your life. And then connecting with others. I've talked already so far today about joining a men's group and participating in something around with other folks. It gives you an opportunity to really combat the isolation aspect that we tend to put ourselves into as men, to get out there and be around men who have similar mindsets and then seek of course, seek professional help. I won't sit here and advocate and say that joining a men's group will be the be-all and end-all. I think there are moments, and there are times when a combination thereof, with therapy and men's work, can help you move through the darkest points of your life, and so self-care is really important, and so we want to set some really realistic goals, and so being able to pride ourselves on self-care activities will bring us not only joy but also relaxation, and so consider just reading a good book, listening to music, doing something that's spontaneous, spending time in nature. These are all great ideas for us to combat those issues of having dealing with anxiety or depression. And then I'd also like you to really review your goals and your mission. I want to ask yourself are you focused on the result or the activity? Because when we focus on the result, it can cause us stress, and to elevate the past would be a helpful stage in our lives, and so we want to move through what is happening for us. If we consider that we're just focused on the results, then it's outside of our total scope of control. But if we stay in the present and focus on what we can do now, it's going to help us avoid this feeling of being overwhelmed, this feeling of not being good enough, this feeling of not being worthy enough, and so, when we stay present, we have an opportunity to move ourselves forward. Now I've indicated there's lots of different resources out there to help you on this journey from therapy and support groups, there's online resources, and there's even our group mentoring program. Group program is the Band of Brothers, and so we're a group of ordinary guys working towards living extraordinary lives. So just go to memberstheawakenedmannet, take the free questionnaire and see if Bob that's what we like to call it, band of Brothers is a good fit for you. It's an important first step that you can take in really understanding on where you're at in life and helping getting yourself set on get on track. And so, as we wrap up today's episode, I want you to remember that recognizing and managing anxiety and depression is crucial for our mental well-being. It's a continuous process that requires attention and effort, but the benefits, I'm telling you, are immeasurable. So I don't want you to hesitate and reach out for support. You know whether you're going to ask a friend, talk to a friend, or seek professional help or using tools like our band of brothers, it's your mental health that impacts every aspect of your life, from your work to your relationships. So remember, brothers, you're not alone. We're all in this. Together. We're striving to be the best versions of ourselves, and so I want to say thank you for tuning in to the Revolutionary man podcast. Hope you found our today's discussion to be insightful and empowering. Just join us next week, because we're going to go into part three of this mental men's mental health series. We're going to explore building resilience, developing healthy coping mechanisms. Don't forget to hit subscribe, leave a review and share this podcast so others might get the opportunity to benefit from what you're hearing today. Until next time, take care of yourself, my friends, stay strong.

Speaker 2: 24:27

Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary man podcast. Are you ready to own your destiny, to become more the man you are destined to be? Are you ready to own your destiny, to become more the man you are destined to be? Join the brotherhood that is the Awakened man at theawakendmannet and start forging a new destiny today.