What I Wish I Knew About Setting Boundaries with Teens! with Rahz Slaughter

Discover the transformative journey of Rahz Slaughter, a dynamic motivational speaker who overcame physical disability and a challenging upbringing to become a beacon of hope for many. In our latest episode, Roz shares how a pivotal encounter with the book "The Magic of Thinking Big" steered him onto a path of personal growth and mentorship. His story underscores the power of positive role models and a growth mindset for young people, especially during the turbulent teenage years. Rhaz offers insights into how parents can guide and motivate their children to achieve their full potential by connecting with them through understanding and empathy.

Get ready to uncover the secrets of effective communication between parents and teens, with tools like the Color Code and NLP that bridge generational gaps. We explore how self-awareness and a parenting style true to one's identity can strengthen family bonds. Our discussion highlights the impact of social media on teens' self-image and how parents can help reshape these perceptions through affirmations and mental reframing. By creating an environment where both beliefs and identity are respected, families can foster meaningful connections and personal growth.

Join us for this engaging discussion and learn how reflection, growth, and brotherhood can empower us to take actionable steps toward personal and familial transformation.

Key moments in this episode:
04:00 Rahz's Journey: From Struggles to Success 
08:24 Empowering Teens with Color Code and NLP
21:27 Building Confidence Through Physical Fitness
25:36 Building Trust and Momentum
25:57 Introducing the BAS Method
29:39 Empowering Teens and Families
33:32 The Three C's Framework
44:24 The Importance of Goal Setting
45:29 Conclusion and Contact Information

How to reach Rahz:
Website: https://www.unstoppableteenager.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rahz.slaughter/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rahzslaughter/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RahzSlaughterTeenLifeCoach
X: https://twitter.com/RahzSlaughter
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rahzmotivates/
Book:

Rumi.ai
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Chapters

• 0:00 Empowering Parents and Teens
• 9:54 Understanding Teenagers Through Language
• 15:09 Parenting Through Divorce and Body Image
• 16:36 [Ad] Rumi.ai
• 17:25 (Cont.) Parenting Through Divorce and Body Image
• 26:45 Transforming Mindsets for Empowering Families
• 34:14 Building Strong Family Relationships Through Communication
• 40:20 Empowering Families Through Reflection and Growth
• 47:02 Elevating Masculinity Through Brotherhood

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You know, one of the crowning moments in a father's life is the birth of their children and, however, as they grow, the journey of raising them presents its own unique set of challenges, especially when it comes to connecting with teenagers. Teenage years can be turbulent time, filled with the quest for identity and the pressure to succeed and the struggle just to stay motivated. And, as fathers, we strive to guide our children through these formative years, hoping to inspire and motivate them to become the best versions of themselves. So in today's episode, we're going to dive into these very challenges and explore the strategies not to only connect with our teens but help them unlock their full potential, drive them towards their success.

Speaker 1: 0:41

And before we get in today's episode, let's come to grips about one thing, and that inevitably there will come a time in our lives when we will hit a wall. You know whether it's a marriage that's not working, a career or business that's stagnated, or your personal life is just flatlined. So if you're dealing with any of these, or a combination of them, and you're finally fed up with where your life's at, then allow me to help you get clear on what needs to be done, how to do that, and so you can get on to living the life you were meant to live. Just go to the show, today's show notes, and book a clarity call today, and let's get started With that. Let's get on with today's episode.

Speaker 2: 1:21

The average man today is sleepwalking through life, many never reaching their true potential, let alone ever crossing the finish line to living a purposeful life. Yet the hunger still exists, albeit buried amidst his cluttered mind, misguided beliefs and values that no longer serve him. It's time to align yourself for greatness. It's time to become a revolutionary man. Stay strong, my brother.

Speaker 1: 1:51

Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast. I'm the founder of the Awakened man Movement and your host, alan DeMonso. I'd like you to consider something as you're listening to today's episode and reflect on the relationship that you have with your children or your teens in your life. Are you able to connect with them in a meaningful way, and what steps can you take to inspire and motivate them to achieve their fullest potential? Then I want you to think of something else. I want you to consider the pressures teenagers are facing today. How can you, as the parent mentor, provide support and guidance that they need to navigate these critical years successfully? You know, as we get into today's episode, we need to dive into this conversation, and we're going to be guided by a gentleman to help us understand, as fathers of teens, the trials, the tribulations and the celebrations that they go through. And so, to do that, I'm going to introduce my guest today.

Speaker 1: 2:48

Roz is a motivator slaughter and he's a dynamic motivational speaker with 24 years of experience helping parents and teens transform their mindsets to take control of their lives. And Roz is the co-author of the best-selling book Students' Success Secrets. Author of the best-selling book, students' Success Secrets set unlocked the seven secrets of developing inspired, motivated, success-driven teens. And despite being born with a physical disability and raised by a single mother struggling with addiction, roz has defied these expectations and embraced a growth mindset to create a life beyond limitations. And so today he uses his skills as a color-coded interpersonal trainer and an NLP practitioner to equip parents and teenagers with powerful tools to overcome limiting beliefs and unleash their full potential. Welcome to the show today, roz. How are things, brother?

Speaker 3: 3:40

Alan, thank you, things are great, fantastic. I'm excited to be here on the Revolutionary man podcast. Thank you so much, my friend.

Speaker 1: 3:47

You know, brother, I was just so excited when we got an opportunity to connect. I really liked your story and the journey you've been through, and so as well I've, you know, enlightened us on a little bit of stuff. Our opening question for all the guests is talk about their hero's quest. So tell us about that journey from your 1.62 GPA to a successful entrepreneur. How did that journey shape you into the man you are today and the work that you're doing?

Speaker 3: 4:13

Wow. It's been a long road, but it all goes back to one book that I was gifted. One afternoon, while sitting at a diner on Long Island, new York, and a gentleman sat next to me and changed my life. He gave me a book called the Magic of Thinking Big by Brian Schwartz, and I had not read a book yet at that point. I got through school by skimming, taking notes, cliffsnotes, all of those things, because I struggled with reading as a disabled child and just struggled with that.

Speaker 3: 4:44

But when he gave me this book, what it did is it opened my mind to the possibilities that I could become more. It changed my paradigm at that moment, because I didn't have a father, I didn't have a mentor, I didn't have anyone in my life to kind of give me that North Star and say this is how you be a man, this is the things you need to do, this is how you show up. And this book was the catalyst of that story. That's led on to a life of personal growth, a life of being a learner, a life of someone who wants to give back and inspire those who aren't fortunate enough to have a man in their lives, because it's my belief that every young boy deserves and needs a man, a role model, one that is actually taking a path of growth, not of descending into another plane.

Speaker 1: 5:33

Man, I just love that. And boy, I totally had. I have this, I have this book and I can remember picking it up years ago and I totally forgot about it. So what a great book and what a great way to get started in our conversation today, because you're absolutely, absolutely right we need to find ways to when we may not have that, that immediate mentor, that person to help guide us. How and where are we going to search? And you found yourself in a situation where somebody was there to reach out to you. Tell us a little bit more about how that relationship came to be, and are you still connected today?

Speaker 3: 6:08

We're not connected any longer, but the gentleman was a network marketing professional and he was working for a company at that time and he just sat down and piqued my interest and shared.

Speaker 3: 6:21

And I never became a distributor of that company, but what I did was that book changed my life and I later actually had the opportunity to share that story with him many years later.

Speaker 3: 6:32

And it was amazing because you know, I can tell you that I would not have been able to think the way I think today had that not planted a seed of something I could be. And we don't know, you know a lot of us don't have, like we're saying you know a father or a mentor. So that seed allowed me to go on to other opportunities to meet the great Jim Rohn, les Brown, brian Tracy, zig Ziglar, like all of these different people that I went on my journey to, just to get around, so that I could take in their knowledge, their wisdom, and now I get to impart that to the students that I work with in the families that I work with every day. And that personal development foundation has helped me. Like in your intro, we're all going to have some setbacks, right, whether it's with your wife, whether it's with your business, whether it's with just the pandemic, and having the bedrock of a growth mindset has allowed me to persevere and be resilient through all those episodes in my life.

Speaker 1: 7:33

Yeah, absolutely, my friend, absolutely, and it's the catalyst. Interestingly, you're telling your story there and it was in. How I was introduced to personal development was a similar way was through a network marketing company that I never ultimately ended up by doing anything with, but the idea of personal development had never crossed my mind up until that point and really started me on the journey, because I was at the lowest point of my life and so I really appreciate that you know you were looking for. You know maybe you weren't looking directly for this, this as a chance to grow and to change, but it was put in front of you and you took action and started doing your own development. Now you talked about or I talk about in the intro. You have this, this, some, this color code interpersonal skills, and I'm a fellow NLP practitioner as well. Personal skills, and I'm a fellow NLP practitioner as well. But tell us how you're using these tools to empower parents and teenagers to overcome limiting beliefs?

Speaker 3: 8:30

Absolutely Great question, alan. Well, the color code was something that my son and I have two amazing step boys, now 20 and 24. But when I came into their lives they were 10 and 13. And I was an entrepreneur, very busy, and I was an instant father and I didn't have the knowledge base I needed. So I do what I always did I went to books, I hired a mentor and I was like you know what I'm this energetic, motivated, focused individual.

Speaker 3: 9:03

My youngest was laid back and relaxed, but he wanted to play basketball and that was that thing that lit us both up. It's a passion of mine. So I'm like, okay, let's play basketball. You got to get up early, you got to train, you got to work out, you got to do all these things because that's my personality, that's not his personality. He's laid back, relaxed, and so I needed to figure out how can I connect with my son, and I found Dr Hartman and this color code that he uses as an assessment that allows us to break down into four specific colors Red you're visionary. Blue you're intimate. White you're peace loving. Yellow you're all about fun.

Speaker 3: 9:44

Now, we're all born with a personality, and when we understand our personality, that provides clarity into who we are, what are our strengths, what are our limitations. And I was able to figure out the language. My son needed me to speak to him, to connect with him on a different level than just words. And then I started to speak to him because he was a blue. I'm a red. Reds are all about just vision and goals. Blues they're passionate, like in NLP. We know they're connected to their kinesthetic feelings, right.

Speaker 3: 10:16

So when I learned how to use this tool, our relationship skyrocketed because I was no longer speaking through Roz's mind, I was speaking through Nicholas's mind. And then I said, wow, if this works with my son, what if this works with other teens? What if other families? And I understood, because of coaching and mentoring, that a lot of parents, when those kids get to that 12, 13, 14 year old, that confusing adolescence I'm looking for freedom and independence it causes conflict with certain parents. I said, how can I help bridge the gap? And that's when I reached out to the Color Code family and I said, hey, I want to use this tool as a resource to help bridge the gap between that confusing time and that's. It was the start and it's been a great tool, and now I put it into my system, because when you understand your kids language, you can speak to them the way they need to be spoken to and they will feel heard and not just talk at absolutely.

Speaker 1: 11:15

What a great way to you know to really summarize these two things, and that's what I found as well in my training. My nlp training was once I the language part of it really resonated with me and once I started to understand and pay attention to cues and clues of when, having conversations, you can start to, you know, ask better questions. We can start to, you know, have better conversations because now I'm talking from their perspective, you know I'm I'm in in order to bring them along. I remember some of the NLP training was you need to step into their shoes to bring them to forward. But if I sit there and just have it as a straight pull, people are really reluctant to do that.

Speaker 1: 11:58

And you know I have two children as well. They're in their late 20s and early 30s now and, geez, I wish I would have learned this stuff that you're teaching when I was, you know, 25 years ago, when I was still still starting to be a father. So through this we also talk about, you know, the as teenagers were also challenged with, you know, having and figuring out their, their self-image and their, their identity and some self-esteem can. You can definitely some self-esteem issues in that. So what do you do to help kids and parents go through that, that part of their lives?

Speaker 3: 12:33

so the first thing I do is, when I'm working with a family, I have the parents also take the color code assessment, because a lot of parents, if we have not done this self-reflection, this deep work on ourselves, we're just bringing our adverse childhood experiences right through that generational trauma and handing it down to our young ones. So I have them get real clarity on who they are as a parent and help the parents design their parenting style. Once you design your parenting style, then now you're going to be able to feel comfortable and confident in that style. You're not modeling everyone else's style. Once you design your parenting style, then now you're going to be able to feel comfortable and confident in that style. You're not modeling everyone else's style. What this kid is a 4.0 GPA and this kid's an athlete. You're just being you, right, and then we can talk to your child and talk about you know their belief systems and that's where it starts.

Speaker 3: 13:22

You know, like when you're working with a teenager teenager they don't know where their belief systems have. Their belief systems come from their phone who's on instagram, who's on snapchat, how many likes, how many followers. So if they don't have, they're not measuring up to the best athlete I know for me, alan, I don't know about you in canada, but like the star athletes, right, if I wasn't a quarterback or I wasn't a star basketball player, I wasn't popular and then my self-image was decreased. So when I'm working with a family, my first thing and this goes back to Carl Rogers a little bit, but I help them understand their self-image. And we have to reform or reframe their self-image through a lot of the things that I'm sure you use, right, positive affirmations, mental reframing, shifting, so that we can really start to feel good about who we are from the inside out, because we can't resonate energy. That's positive if we don't like ourselves. So that's the step one, really, the belief systems.

Speaker 1: 14:21

I completely agree, and that's some of the work that I continue to do today in my men's work. Is that helping you know, one of the very first tasks I have guys go through is developing and crafting a personal mission statement or their purpose statement, beliefs and their values and and are they theirs or are they borrowed? And I think in life we have that issue. So what are your thoughts on the relationship between you, know, with the kids coming up and getting their values and their limiting beliefs, and are they borrowed or are they not?

Speaker 3: 14:58

great question. I mean, I mean I I was looking before we got on like a little, through some of the different guests you've had on the podcast and I knew that we were going to resonate with this type of topics. It's so important that I think that it always goes back to the parents, right? I mean we are at where you have boys, right? I have adult kids now. They learn from our needs and I would tell my wife this all the time Honey, we do not show disconnect in front of the children. That is because I came from a dysfunctional family. They were yelling, they were always fighting. I said, if we have a problem, let's get in a car, let's go for a ride, because I don't want them to learn this patterns, this patterns get neurologically embedded in. And even when they're unconscious because we know most of that is happening unconscious they're playing their games. They hear us Tears talking their games. They hear us Tears talking about money. They hear us talking about problems, so I don't want, so it is borrowed. And then we need to empower our children to understand that they can reframe these beliefs right.

Speaker 3: 16:02

Your beliefs are not something that you and this the great Jim Rohn would say this, you might've heard this. You know we can change our beliefs because we're not a tree. A tree can't change, but we as humans can. Right, and that is such a powerful statement when it comes to understanding our own beliefs. And we have to be as parents, men, specifically because we've had so many things. Men, don't cry. We can't be vulnerable with another man. Hey, you know what, alan, if I need to tell you I'm not feeling great, I'm going to tell you I'm not feeling great and I'm going to tell you why. And I'm not going to pretend that everything's great, because I understand that feelings are power.

Speaker 1: 17:18

They sure are, and I think, the more that we can and I like that we're talking about modeling now as well, because I think it is important to that we pay attention to the modeling that's been happening. And you know my experience well, you know my I had what I would consider, you know, an intact family. What I watched, the dynamic is my father would not say anything against my mother, mother, no matter how much she would berate him. He would just be silent. And it took me years to really understand what he, where he was, what he was doing, because he as well, much like you were talking about, he didn't want to have that relationship and model the relationship for us to see that that mom and dad were fighting. But my initial takeaway from that was that he and dad were fighting. But my initial takeaway from that was that he just didn't stand up for himself.

Speaker 1: 18:09

And then it was years after and him and I got a little bit closer and talk about stuff and and you know, and he just wanted to make sure that we were being raised in the right type of environment, in what he thought was right, and that when we weren't around, there were those challenging conversations, those harder conversations and I think that's so important about what we pick up and modeling just doesn't happen at home either. Right, and I know you're talking about? We're talking about developing teens, but how about you brought up the idea of sports and that those are also areas where they start to develop their self-image and their self-esteem? Talk about how your work with parents and that maybe their kids are active in sports and maybe they're not, but how that's influencing their development.

Speaker 3: 18:56

Yeah, I mean, if you're listening and you have your kids into AAU or sports or hockey or soccer, it's so important. And I know this because I was a coach for basketball and what I told my son is hey, I want you to be respectful, but you don't have to buy your coach's beliefs because those are his. It's so because sometimes these coaches, they're not trained to work with adolescents through this developmental process that these young athletes are going through. So you, as a parent, need to be proactive in equipping your children when they go out into the wild to protect themselves. You are their advocate. You have to be their number one person that's doing the educating.

Speaker 3: 19:35

You can't put that responsibility on a teacher, a principal, someone else outside of your home, because that's why we're parents. We take that obligation, that oath. We're parents. We take that obligation, that oath, when you become a parent, that you are going to protect your child by any means necessary. So how? What does that mean? You got to have make sure you they can guard their ear and you have to be willing to help them go what to listen for you know, when someone's trying to embed some other type of belief system in your child, they can be respectful, but reject that belief because it doesn't have to be your core values from your family.

Speaker 1: 20:12

Yeah, I completely agree with that, that idea, because we need to be more involved and continue to stay involved with our, with our, with our children. Do you do any work? Just wondering do you do any work with, with parents that are separated? Yeah, and if you do, how does that work and how is that coming along with helping them work with their teenage children?

Speaker 3: 20:33

Absolutely. I work with a lot of parents who are in the process of divorce or separated, because this is a strain. This is where our parenting styles will come to be conflicting, right. And then, and one of the first things that I try to share with parents is hey, remember who's important here in this relationship? It's not about you. It's important here in this relationship. It's not about you, it's not about the other person, it's the children.

Speaker 3: 20:56

Right, and you need to have a united front in this position. You can't be dividing and conquering. You can't try to create creation. You want to really make sure that you're really understanding what the goal is and, like you were saying, you have to have that kind, that kind of like. I say your why? Okay, we can have our division, but we also have to have the why of why we're going to what's going to happen after Cause. And then, when I'm working with teens, my first thing to let the teen know is hey, it's not your fault, it's not your fault. You, your parents love you, but they just couldn't love each other anymore at this moment. Your parents love you, but they just couldn't love each other anymore.

Speaker 1: 21:33

At this moment, yeah, that's such a critical message for children to pick up, and whether they're able to really, you know, embody that and understand it is one thing, but the consistency from the parents and how they're showing up and really understanding their style and trying to, you know, and practicing some mirroring and some other skills, I'm sure that you work with them on to help them really stay connected, especially through those turbulent times, and so I know you also used to own some or maybe you still do some private studios, and so you also incorporate some of the physical aspect of it, of of your work as well. How is that working, meshing with all the work that you're doing?

Speaker 3: 22:10

so it's doing. It's great because a lot of the the young you know, pre-teens and teens that I get to work with, like you were sharing are having body image challenges. See, if, and what is the first thing? That when we want to take control, we can take control of our bodies. We can't control other people, what they think, what they say, how they feel, but you can control how you feel about who you are. So when I'm working with a teen boy, the first thing to do is to try to get them to really start to get some gains in the fastest way. If you can't do five pushups on Monday but by two weeks later you can do 10, you feel good.

Speaker 3: 22:46

And then we have it stacked and we start to stack those habits of success. They start to believe in themselves, that self-image starts to change and then we start to embed some oh, can you imagine what you're gonna look like in 90 days, 180 days? Let's draw a picture about that, let's really visualize it and encompass it and feel it. And I've had kids go who are the kind of the quote and quote scrawny kid, the not the athletic kid and start to feel good about themselves and go. You know what? I'm going to join a sport, I'm going to play it intramural, I'm going to do something. That. And that's where we turn fear into power, because they get a little bit of momentum and the next thing you know, they keep believing in themselves and their grades change, the communication changes, their peer groups change and everything changes because they did something physical first.

Speaker 1: 23:37

Yeah, absolutely, and it's really one of the key foundations of building confidence. Right, they come in, they're apprehensive, they're nervous, they're not sure where they sit in life and, like you said, maybe they can only do five pushups on the first day, and that's okay. They have at least. They have a waterline, they have a measuring stick. You know, I had had not taken care of my body very well for a number of years and started going back to the, back to the gym, and I was, I was surprised at what I used to be able to lift. I'm not even anywhere near that Then. Then I realized, okay, it's not going to happen overnight, it's about consistency and effort and just to continue to apply that. And so I like that you're working with the, with kids, that way and helping them really develop their confidence, cause I don't know if you what would you think about that but I really think it's probably one of the key foundation to them really shifting and making changes in their life.

Speaker 3: 24:34

I mean, I think the confidence is everything right. I believe that confidence can eradicate bullying, because if we believe in ourselves and we truly love ourselves, then we won't allow someone from the outside to affect how we think, how we feel and the actions that we do. So when, when we talk about confidence, I mean that is the, I mean my, that's my jam bro, like when I, when I think about taking a kid, who is what people say? Oh, he's shy and introverted. He could still be who he is. I don't want to change his personality, but what I want to do is instill his own inner self view of who he is and who he can aspire to become through confidence. And, like you were saying, when I start to work with someone and I've worked with a lot of young girls, boys, but specifically specializing in boys because I have boys, I'm a man I know that process, I know the developmental thoughts. When you change that, it's amazing to see how their tone changes, how the energy change. Everything changes when we like ourselves right and you and I I know we jam with this. This is why we probably went on our own journey to find our confidence right and you're like, you're back in the gym.

Speaker 3: 25:44

One of the frameworks that I teach teens is called the gain and the gap. You know like so we always think about, oh, what I need to gain, and but you never realize that where you are the gate and where you want to go, let's start focusing on all you've already accomplished already, and that is really going to give you the momentum you need to get to that next checkpoint, that next goal. Right, and so many of the kids don't. They come in and we work in 90 days and they're like you know what, russ, you know, day one I was this or they're quiet, or they don't even want to share and I have to build that trust. But I tell them, and I remind them that where we started and where you want to go now, when you reframe a new goal, just remember you've already traveled so many miles and you just got to keep doing the things you did to get to where you are today and you can find that moment yeah, absolutely completely agree with that.

Speaker 1: 26:37

So you started talking a little bit about some of your methods, and you know one of them that that I discovered that you're working on and you call this bas method and use it for creating, like, really powerful mindsets. So tell us how you're using this method with parents Then again. Then how are you using it with, with their teens?

Speaker 3: 26:55

Yeah, I. The BAS method came up about five, six years ago and I've been using it forever, you know, and if I'm a student of Tony Robbins, so I love to give back to where I've learned, you know, he taught me that if you have frameworks, people can remember things, they can learn, adapt and evolve into who they need to be. And so the BAS method stands for beliefs, attitude, self-talk. And if you want to shape your mindset and I call it an unstoppable mindset it's going to start with your own belief systems. So when I meet with a teen, I help them uncover where their belief systems came from and which ones they want to create. That's going to serve them, because we have disempowering beliefs and we have empowering ones, and sometimes we're unconsciously accepting the disempowering ones and we repeat them daily like a record. And the more you have disempowering beliefs set in that you start believing it I'm not enough, I'm not short, I'm not short, I'm not tall, I'm not skilled, I'm not good at math, whatever that embedded belief is you manifest? So my first thing is hey, we need to figure out what they are. We don't make them wrong. Then we go. Where do you want to go? Or what do you want to become, we create some new ones and we replace those old ones with new ones, because so often, when people are working, whether it's traditional therapists, they go oh, just think positive. Okay, what's the action, what's the how am I? If you don't, you can get rid of something, but if you get rid of something, you got to replace it. If you don't replace it with something better, the old will come back. The second thing is the A. We're talking about that attitude back. The second thing is the A. We're talking about that attitude Like when we and you and I are in this world of modeling, right, I said hey, who do you want? Who do you think that's really something that you really aspire to be? Who do you like, Whether it's a soccer player, a baseball player, an actor.

Speaker 3: 28:45

And then I said let's break down their attitude. What do you see in their attitude? What are some of the characteristics that you see? Oh, he smiles. Oh, he speaks this way. Oh, his tonality is that way great. Can we role model that? Can we role play that? And I want you to start to write down those characters. So then they start to change their attitude.

Speaker 3: 29:04

Oh, an attitude of gratitude, positivity, outgoing growth, mindset, all of these things that we know are important and having oh oh. How do you speak to your parents? I teach them something called my tonality meter. Right, I said that's part of your attitude. If you raise your voice above a six to your parents, you're borderline disrespectful. If you disrespect your parents, you're going to disrespect people in the outside, your teachers, your coaches. Right?

Speaker 3: 29:28

Then we set that, that A, and now we move to the S. What are you saying to yourself? Right, Because if you don't, when things are bad, you get a bad grade. I'm stupid. No, you say that to yourself enough, you start believing it, right? So we need to know.

Speaker 3: 29:46

I have them take a piece of paper out for full 24 hours and every day, I want you to write every negative thing you say to yourself, and if you forget to do it, you got to start over. And then we bring it to our coaching session and we go over it and one by one, alan, what we'll do is we will reframe that negative self-talk into something positive, and then that new positive statement goes on their wall. We have five of them and they have to read them in the morning so that they can start to reprogram that thinking that got them to where they felt before meeting me. And when you take the BAS system and you put it into working with a kid the parents it's very easy because they can start to see these changes happening and then they become the catalyst for the entire family's change. That's why, when I say that I'm educating parents, empowering teens and elevating families, it changes the entire dynamic of what's working, because we're working with the mind, not just trying to give them a tactic or strategy.

Speaker 1: 30:49

Absolutely, and the framework makes complete sense and really gives something for both the parents and and the teenager to really latch on to. And this kind of work that you're doing and it rouse could be done for anybody, but you've chosen this niche of doing, focusing with parents and teenagers. So why did you decide? Is that that was the space that you wanted to spend time in developing folks?

Speaker 3: 31:13

Wow, that's a great question. Thank you for asking. Well, I didn't always. I've traditionally worked with actors, athletes, you know that's where you all go in the beginning. And then you know, we hit the pandemic and I had time to really reflect. I hit that wall that you said a lot of men do. Right, I had four gyms at the time, had to shut them all down and I went through a little state of little dark and I was like you know, if I'm not this, my identity would change. If I'm not this gym owner and this motivator, who am I? And I said to myself I don't want to go into that again.

Speaker 3: 31:50

That was a business that was driven by profit and bottom line. I want to do something that's going to be driven by passion and a mission. And it led me to myself at 12 and 13, feeling lost, confused and having no direction. And I said, if I'm going to stay up late, get up early, learn and do these things. Who am I going to do it for?

Speaker 3: 32:10

And it started out with the teens. I just wanted to work and I started mentoring big brothers. I was going everywhere doing this thing, just getting my hands dirty, and then I realized that I was empowering and inspiring and motivating teens and sending them home to broken homes where their parents had no growth process, they had no development, they weren't investing in themselves at all. And I said I need to create a system, a system that brought families together so that they could become a unit again, like my family is today. And it's not because we're better than anyone else, it's because I consistently believe in Kaizen constantly and always improving Right, and we imparted that. And that's where this came about. And the passion that you can probably obviously hear in my voice is because every day, I get to talk to teens and parents and see that come to fruition. And it's now my mission, it's what I do and I'm just excited about it.

Speaker 1: 33:05

That's a great. I really liked how you made that shift, that distinction. You talked about, you know, profit and as the original goal right, or the original work. You're in business, you have gyms to run, so you're definitely running for working towards profit. Then you wanted to shift towards passion and mission and it didn't take that to mean that profit wasn't important Like you do those things, but it wasn't the driving motivating force. You shifted your mindset about how it is to have more purpose and meaning in your life and I think that is really, really key, as we're folks are listening to this, this episode that we can still have all the things we want in life. It's just where's our mindset and focus at, and are we focused on the things that are truly going to fill us at the end of the day, at the end of the week, at the end of the month and ultimately, at the end of the lives, or is it on, you know, scratching out a living? And I think that's such a great shift that you made there. Thank you Listen.

Speaker 1: 34:06

You also talk about you know getting some. You know really about helping. You know children, especially yourself and your journey. You talk a bit about really getting rid of these labels and challenges that we have, and you came up with this idea of these three Cs. That helped you do that and you're using it now to help in bullying in school. So let's talk a little bit about what your three Cs are and how you're implementing that.

Speaker 3: 34:31

Yeah, the three Cs is so. It was profound because it comes with that clarity right. Like when you lack clarity, anything is OK. So when you don't know who you are, oh, that guy smoking cigarettes, that guy is doing drugs, drinking, skipping school, or that lady is beating his you know, beaten on her husband and abusive, or that husband is not paying attention and doing things that's not conducive to a great marriage. You know, it's because they have lost clarity in who they are. What are their strengths? You know, like Alan, you probably have done this reflecting work. You know your strengths, right, but it's important If you know your strengths, you should also know your limitations.

Speaker 3: 35:11

What are the things that we need to be working on? What are the things that we need to bring from our bind eye? Bring it out here and go. Ok, you know what? I have a trigger when this happens, Because if we are not aware, we're unaware and if you're not self-aware, what happens is it becomes that thing that you can just go and make an excuse. So with kids and families, I get clear. I have them really do some homework and when I'm working with a family, I go. If you're not going to roll up your sleeves, get your hands dirty. I'm not the coach for you, I'm not a fixer, I'm a collaborator. And then when you work with that, you get that clarity part. Now we can move to the communication. We can't skip this. All has to be succinctly put in place because if you try to just give me the meat, Roz, just give me the rules, give me the journey, no, you have to understand the foundation and then we can work on communication.

Speaker 3: 36:01

And that communication is understanding. That communication is not just words. We say See and you and I we started this podcast off earlier talking about that People have to think that it's words. Communication is listening, it's reading body language, it's understanding. Sometimes, when a kid comes in and they have a really bad face on, you can't just run and grab and touch them. They need time, right. So you got to be able to read between those lines and go hey, you know what little, Alan, if you need five minutes, I understand, Take five minutes, Don't do your homework, Relax a little bit, because you can break routine. I'm about structure, but sometimes you need to be able to read.

Speaker 3: 36:42

And that communication is listening, saying the right things when need to be said, not saying things, and that is so important and a lot of parents struggle with that. You know, they get a call from the school Soon as little Johnny walks in, rah, you know. And then now little Johnny's already he had the walk home, the ride home on the bus. He's already in a state of fight or flight and now you just embedded more trauma. So now he lies and then you get mad because he lies. See, this is communication and we need to master it.

Speaker 3: 37:12

And I work with parents on understanding how they communicate, what their communication style is and the child. And I empower the children to be able to speak from their heart, from the gut right, Not just from their head, not out of fear. And when you empower a child to say you know what? I didn't do my homework because I didn't understand it, and I was embarrassed to tell you that because we worked two hours on it and I still didn't get it. Okay, little Johnny. Now you ask how do you know this? Because I struggled with school. I remember not having anybody to help me with my homework. I remember not having note-taking skills and study skills in a place to study that was conducive to getting good grades. So when I went back and reflected, I had to put all of these pieces into a process that people could understand and then implement.

Speaker 3: 38:06

And then that final piece for parents it's consistency, For children it's it's confidence. See, as a parent, we have to be consistent with our expectations and our consequences and our core values. If we lack them, we lack structure. We lack structure anything, and we remember that. You know that old adage of like where are you going? The wizard of laws right, you can go anywhere if you don't know where you're going. And so, as a parent, we need to have clarity, direction. Where are we taking our family? And by doing that you will instill that structure, that accountability, that confidence in your children. By using the three C's framework kind of clarity, communication and confidence, you build that. You're going to have a powerful family, and I'm not going to say it's going to be easy because it's work, Alan. But what it is is that when you do that work, you start to be able to be resilient, and that's what a lot of kids are lacking today that ability to bounce back from a setback and come back.

Speaker 1: 39:08

For sure, absolutely. Because when they start to get the feeling that things aren't working for themselves and then they start having the not enough syndrome going on, then it's, then they struggle. And I really appreciate that, the framework that you're putting forward here, because it isn't all about the parent or the teenager, it's about both parties doing the work. And, as you were describing your system and the three C's, I kept reflecting back on how I use emotional intelligence training as well in that piece, because we need to have the intelligence number one. You mentioned the word triggers Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 39:49

If little Johnny comes in and does something and that sets me off, that's about me. Yeah, that isn't about him, that's about me. So why, why? What is the limiting belief that I have? Do I think that I'm not a good enough parent? So my child's failing? So so you know I'm. So now I'm embarrassed. Whatever the story is that we're telling ourselves. The point is is that what you're asking your, your clients, to do here is to work together as a family unit and to understand their part, that the role that they play, so that everybody grows? Because I can't. I can't envision a scenario where the teenager is growing and the parents are not, and vice versa.

Speaker 3: 40:32

Absolutely. It's so important. As a parent and a lot of parents we're busy. Right, we got things going on. There's challenges, but one of the beliefs that I try to share with anyone and that doesn't matter if they're a client I'm on a podcast like this, a platform is just to start somewhere. Five minutes of that self-reflection time, that time that you get to think and you're not in fight or flight and freeze and you're running around putting out fires. You just five minutes, make a cup of coffee, sit down, breathe, be grateful, wow, I'm alive, this is a great moment. And then go about your day. I see so many people just jut out the house or they, and I'm like wow, I can see why. I get on the phone with people and their tone of voice is so high and they go. Why are you not speaking? And I'm like because I'm letting you breathe.

Speaker 1: 41:30

Man, I love that idea of just letting you breathe, and I think the better that we can become really good listeners, active listeners, and listening for what's being said behind the words. I think we become better, not just better parents, but become better fathers and husbands and leaders. And so you know you talked about at the start of this episode about how the magic of thinking big was such a profound book for you and I and I and I'm going to take a wild guess here that you're probably still an avid reader so what are you reading today and how is that impacting your life?

Speaker 3: 42:07

Yeah, I am absolutely a avid reader and I think that so much so that I decided I'm going back. I went back to college and this is this is a whole. Originally it was business, now it's psychology, right, and I just wanted to go back and just learn from some of the greats, like you know, carl Rogers or Albert it just there's so many. But I'm currently rereading A Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, nice. And the reason that I'm rereading that book is that when I read it the first time, the filters that I was reading it through did not actually absorb the knowledge that was in those pages and because I wasn't the man that could actually accept and understand that message at the time. So now I'm rereading it so that I can take that message in differently and I mean, and it's just an amazing read. So that's where I'm at right now.

Speaker 1: 43:01

That's an outstanding book, for sure, you know. You also talked about it earlier on in the episode about this mentor that came across in your life, and so a question I have for you is that what was it been the best piece of advice that you've been given? Maybe it was from that individual, or maybe it was someone else, but what's the best piece of advice that?

Speaker 3: 43:22

you've been given in your life that you're still using today and that comes. The best piece comes from my wrestling coach in high school, who I butted head with all the time because I had a little bit of an ego, I didn't have the clarity, I didn't know my blind spots, but he always told me that you know what, roz, you have greatness within you and as long as you believe that, you can achieve anything. And he was telling that to a little boy who was broken inside, who didn't believe in himself. And when I hit a wall today, I simply have to recall who I am and I go back to that moment in the wrestling room and go. You know what. You have greatness in you, and those words sound very kind of you know foo-foo or motivational greatness in you.

Speaker 3: 44:07

What does that mean? All it means is that we all are unique and special and we all can. We can persevere through our challenges and do something great, and it doesn't have to be on a stage, it could just be in your town, because if you're a man listening to this, you could just mentor one boy, if you could just go out and reach and find someone that you can impart a little bit of wisdom and you don't have to have the answers because I don't have them. I know you don't. I'm willing to do learn in that process, and when someone asked me a question I don't know, I said you know what? That's a great question. I don't know it, but if you give me a little bit of time, I'll do some research and see if I can come back with something and we can figure it out together.

Speaker 1: 44:49

So that was the best piece of information, you know, you know tips or information that I've ever received from a mentor. That's great. That's great advice as well, and can definitely still serve all of us today and ross of everything that we talk about today, maybe there was something that we didn't get a chance to touch on. What would be the one takeaway you'd want our audience to have?

Speaker 3: 45:05

well, I definitely. I think this one is is important, and I know as a coach yourself and someone who assists people, it's goal setting, and you know I was. I think that so often we are just aimlessly walking around this world kind of hoping, wishing and praying that something's going to happen for us, someone's going to send us a boat, someone's going to do something, it's the government, it's the president, it's whatever and you are the only one that can change. And if you don't change, then nothing's going to change. And it starts with setting goals when do you want to be? And then taking some new actions in order to get closer finding a mentor, hiring a coach, if you're a man out there struggling internally. Find a therapist, find someone who can help you that has the tools and information to help you formulate the person that you want to become.

Speaker 1: 46:01

And it starts with setting a goal. It sure does. It starts with that, and then we continue to build our lives on it. Roz, I just want to say, man, we could have talked for a couple hours here today. Thank you so much for spending time with us on this episode and helping fathers and parents and teenagers really learn how we can engage in our relationships so that our teenage children can really evolve into amazing adults that we just know that they will be. And so if men are interested in getting a hold of you and participating in your work, what would be the best way for them to do that?

Speaker 3: 46:31

The best way. I mean, you know we're all social, so you can check me out as Roz Slaughter on all channels Facebook, instagram, twitter, and the website that you can find out more information is theunstoppableteenagercom, and that website is dedicated to. We have free content, courses, everything on there that can assist you in developing an empowered family.

Speaker 1: 46:54

Outstanding. Well, I'll make sure all that information is in today's show notes so folks can get a chance to get out there and reach out to you. Thank you for doing the amazing work that you're doing today, roz. I really appreciate having you on the show.

Speaker 3: 47:04

Thank you brother, I appreciate you having me.

Speaker 2: 47:13

Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary man podcast. Are you ready to own your destiny, to become more the man you are destined to be? Join the brotherhood that is the Awakened man at theawakenedmannet and start forging a new destiny today.