5 Critical Mistakes You’re Making That Prevent Life Mastery with Mark Collins

Step into a journey of transformation as we uncover the essentials of mastering life with intention and purpose. Pastor and coach Mark joins us to share his personal story of battling insecurities and overcoming the fear of failure, illustrating how faith and life experiences have carved his path to self-discovery. Through Mark's insights and his book, "Life Mastery: Living Life by Design, Not by Default," you'll learn how to align your identity with your true self, breaking free from the shackles of negative thoughts and societal roles.

Imagine living a life where every action and thought is rooted in purpose, guided by a profound understanding of your identity. This episode takes you on a reflective exploration, revealing strategies like crafting an "I am" statement to affirm your God-given identity. Discover how embracing challenges and seeking guidance from mentors can catalyze personal growth, enabling you to lead a more impactful and purposeful life. Mark's experiences serve as a beacon for those ready to step forward as pioneers in their communities, emphasizing the power of self-belief, perseverance, and courage.

Community plays a pivotal role in personal development, and this episode highlights its significance in overcoming life's obstacles. Through the lens of biblical principles and the strength of brotherhood, we explore how men can embrace vulnerability to foster a supportive environment for transformation. Learn about the resources Mark offers through his website, "freedom-for-lifenet," designed to aid individuals on their journey to life mastery. Whether you're seeking to overcome limiting beliefs or striving to fulfill your true potential, this episode provides invaluable insights and tools to help you forge a new destiny.

Key moments in this episode:
03:31 Mark's Personal Hero's Journey
06:58 Overcoming Fear and Failure
11:56 The Importance of Identity
15:38 Living by Design vs. Living by Default
21:52 Understanding God-Level Life and Abundance
23:27 Mastering Thoughts and Celebrating Self
25:49 Creating Accomplishment Lists
28:36 The Power of Thoughts, Words, and Actions
33:25 The Role of Community and Brotherhood
38:37 Final Thoughts and Resources

How to reach Mark:
Website: https://courses.freedom-for-life.net/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreedForLife/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_freedomforlife_/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCw1A7tteCrpLj_d9ejzDWRg
LinkedIn:

Chapters

• 0:00 Embark on Your Hero's Journey
• 9:20 Living Life by Design, Not Default
• 16:42 Overcoming Limiting Beliefs and Living Fully
• 22:34 Transforming Through Identity and Action
• 28:53 Transforming Through Community and Mentorship
• 36:29 Discovering Purpose in Community
• 39:59 Building Authority and Community With Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

All of us are on a hero's journey, a quest to become the best versions of ourselves and to live a life of purpose and fulfillment. But being the hero of our own life isn't easy. It requires overcoming challenges, breaking through barriers and often seeking guidance and support to navigate the path ahead. And in today's episode, we're gonna explore what it means to truly master our life and to live intentionally, not merely by default, to embrace the hero within you. So join us as we uncover the steps and the support needed to embark on a transformative journey.

Speaker 1: 0:34

Before we get into today's episode, let's come to grips about one thing, and that is inevitably. There will come a time in our lives when we will hit that wall, whether it's a marriage that's not working, a career or business that has stagnated, or your personal life is just flatlined. So if you're dealing with any of these, or a combination of them, and you're finally fed up with where your life's at, then allow me to help you get clear about what needs to be done, how to do that so you can get on to living the life that you were meant to live. Just look for today's show notes and book a clarity call, and let's get started on your journey today. And with that, let's get on with today's episode.

Speaker 2: 1:14

The average man today is sleepwalking through life, many never reaching their true potential, let alone ever crossing the finish line to living a purposeful life. Yet the hunger still exists, albeit buried amidst his cluttered mind, misguided beliefs and values that no longer serve him. It's time to align yourself for greatness. It's time to become a revolutionary man. Stay strong, my brother.

Speaker 1: 1:43

Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man Podcast. I'm the founder of the Awakened man movement and your host, alan DeMonso. As you listen to today's episode, reflect on your own hero's journey. What obstacles are holding you back from becoming the hero of your life and what steps can you take to overcome them? Then I'd like you to consider the kind of support and guidance you're going to need. Who are the mentors, the coaches that can help you navigate the path to living life by design and not by default?

Speaker 1: 2:13

Regardless of where we are in our hero journey, obstacles will show up, and if we pay attention and ask questions and set fear aside for just one moment, our mentors will appear. The question is how do we live with purpose, passion and power? That, and so much more, is what my guest and I get into today. So allow me to introduce my guest. Mark is a husband, father, pastor and coach with a passion for seeing Christian men equipped to be the best hero God created them to be. Mark is also the author of Life Mastery Living Life by Design, not by Default and his Life Mastery online course has helped hundreds. And in between everything, mark finds time to speak at conferences throughout Western United States, and so, over the last 15 years, mark has seen hundreds of lives change and callings unleashed.

Speaker 3: 3:05

I'm doing well. Thanks for having me here. Welcome to the show, my friend. How are things? I'm excited for the conversation.

Speaker 1: 3:09

Yeah, thanks a lot for reaching out and wanting to participate in the show and, as here at the Awakened man and at our podcast Revolutionary man, we always talk about everyone being on their hero's quest, and so my opening question for you is to tell us about a time in your life when you knew things had to change. What did you do about that and how did you how that journey shape? Great question, I appreciate you asking.

Speaker 3: 3:32

I think for me, my hero's journey has been lifelong. As you understand, in your own life, I'm sure in a lot of your, your listeners, in your community I grew up with the things that I had to overcome in my own life, for me, growing up in a household with a strong father and certain things that I could lay out. We all have the details of our lives that take us to a place, but for me, the outcome of that was a young man growing up with two things. The first was a feeling of insecurity and a fear of failure, me being a person who felt like there was more for my life and that I could succeed, whether it's educationally or vocationally or in relationship. But seeing the other person show up, the one that was afraid to try, wouldn't step in places where he could maybe succeed. And so growing up into that and also growing up as an adult who had this again sense inside that said that there was more than the life I was living, that I could be the person I thought I could be, the one I wanted to be, versus the one who showed up in my life so fast forward into adulthood and, believe it or not, the fear of failure didn't leave itself behind in childhood.

Speaker 3: 4:34

It also didn't stop because I did succeed Getting my degree from college, or my wife and I starting and succeeding at a business and then being able to sell it for a mid six figure income, or really any of the things that I did that allowed me to succeed in those places where you feel like now I matter, now I have value. That came alongside that feeling of every time there was a mistake, oh, it's going to end in disaster. Or anytime we get into a disagreement in our relationship, oh, this is going to lead to divorce, right. Or anytime we get into a disagreement in our relationship, oh, this is going to lead to divorce, right, it's those thought processes that really minimize the joy of life in your life. So, as a Christian, no, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1: 5:12

Thank you as a.

Speaker 3: 5:13

Christian, I knew that there was more for my life.

Speaker 3: 5:18

I had already tried personal development and while they had value and there were tools that they could give you, the challenge with them is most of them really were see how great I am. If you do the things I do, you can become like me. There was this voice again inside that let me know that I wasn't them and it was the truth. So not that their products or their tools or their ideas didn't have value, but they didn't have transformation for me and as a Christian diving into the word of God, getting a passion for God, really trying to find instruction in the Bible and finding those instructions that I felt could change and transform my life, I started to live them out and that's what brought me to today. The things that you've highlighted my book, life Mastery, living Life by Design, or my course Life Mastery all comes from not a great idea that I thought other guys needed, other people needed, but things that I lived in my own life, that I needed to become the man that I was called to be.

Speaker 1: 6:08

I really the inner story really resonates with me, Mark, because I'm similar to you and same idea. I had a strong father figure at home and I always struggled through life with this idea of the not good enough piece and it was that. And while I also went on a journey of self-discovery through the self-help genres and that, and while there was some help there, for sure it did have a missing piece. It had this missing connection to God. There's something greater than I and it became that.

Speaker 1: 6:36

I find that genre is very much me centered instead of and so everything happens by me, and so everything happens by me versus God acting through me. And it took me until my 50s, unfortunately, to figure it out. I'm grateful I have, but it took a while to figure. So your story totally resonates with me and you're talking about fear, and right now in our men's group with the Band of Brothers, we're actually doing a summer series through through the book of from.

Speaker 2: 7:04

Dennis.

Speaker 1: 7:05

Merritt Jones called when fear speaks, listen and he talks about seven different messengers.

Speaker 3: 7:09

And because I think a lot of us men have fear as this piece that prevents us from really living life fully, so can we talk a little bit more about about fear and how that has resonated with you and your fear is an honest emotion is what I tell the guys I work with in my Life Mastery course, meaning, like you and I, if we were on the edge of a cliff, right, if we were on the top of a very high building and we were to look down at least for me, that's where you get those butterflies and that queasiness. There's a fear or an understanding that there's danger ahead, and that makes sense. The challenges in most of our lives, most of the things that we experience fear from, have no reason to be that way, and what I tell the guys that I talk about, talk to about it, is that there's an identity piece to what you're fearing. Right.

Speaker 3: 7:55

For me, fear of failure in my business or failure of a breakup or what have you, isn't just about the experience or the event.

Speaker 3: 8:03

It's about what it says about you, because anybody who's been highly successful in their lives I'm not bragging on my own life, but you look at people of great success they always tell you that failure was a part of the process, that it really was experimenting with their solutions until they found the one that actually worked. So it's not a failure issue, it's a fear issue, and what the fear is is an identity statement that says I'm not good enough. And for me I specifically work with men mostly right. There's a mentor I have who said that if your message is for everybody, your message is for nobody. And so in working with men, I find that this is a common theme and it's not a fault or an issue with men. It's an understanding that we want to be people of value, and when things aren't going well, there's this stigma that says you're a failure, you're not measuring up as a man, and that couldn't be farther from the truth.

Speaker 1: 8:50

Yeah, absolutely, because I think what ends up by happening is it paralyzes us, right, and so we don't take the necessary action. And so, instead of understanding that through it is through our fear and our failures that we we've really truly figured out who we are and I am.

Speaker 1: 9:07

I always say that character is revealed that's really good, not necessarily developed, and I think it gets revealed first, and then we can start to recognize and make the change if we want to. And I think this leads me to talk. I want to talk a little bit about your book life mastery living life by design, not by default, and in there you talk a lot you talk about intentional living, so can you share just maybe one specific strategy or practice? Absolutely, this helps to live more intentionally overarching goals in.

Speaker 3: 9:37

In all that I do, whether it's in my course, life mastery, or the book that I wrote, which was a kind of a quick start guide from the course itself, it was trying to give guys tools to be able to live it out this week, this day, versus walking through a whole course, although there's breakthroughs that happen almost immediately in the course. Sometimes you need that quick start to get it going. But the question is really good because Life Mastery by Design versus Default. As I was studying the word of God and seeing his plan and purpose for people's lives, what I found was that he didn't have us react to the life that was happening. There was no person that he called to a calling in their life that was reacting to it. He would come in and he would do two things.

Speaker 3: 10:18

One of my favorite men of the Bible is Gideon, because he reminds me a lot of myself and a lot of the guys that I'm working with, because he was a hero in hiding and I think that's how men are in a lot of cases. So two things happened with Gideon and with Jesus at the start of his ministry, and with multitude of Noah and Moses and Paul and Peter. Two things happened God would come and tell them who they were identity and he would tell them the call, the impact, the purpose on their life. Identity, we say in our course, is everything. If you understand who you are, you'll live from that place. If you don't know who you are, then you'll let the world, your hurts, your pains, the past, the lies that you believe, tell you who you are. So this design versus default comes down to understanding that we're not built, grown, created by God to have the world impact us, to have life and hurts and pains and issues and struggles and challenges happen and us respond to it, although we do. But that's the standard practice, right? I have my favorite scripture in my pocket and when fear happens I pull it out, or anxiety or loss or lack or whatever. But the truth is he created us as the solution to the challenges we're walking into. He never equipped somebody after they were in the battle. He let them know they were equipped before the battle even started. And then, as they believed it, gideon, it took a little while and some of us, like myself, that takes a little while sometimes, but when you understand, you're already equipped for the things you're walking into. Now you're living by design. And so the overarching theme is we can have an impact. And if we are living by design, using the tools that we have, we can actually have the impact in the world that we're supposed to have, instead of the world impacting us.

Speaker 3: 11:56

So if I could give you one quick strategy, I tell them it's all about identity, and so we first start with that, yes, and I tell them the men that I work with in my Life Mastery course, create an I am statement. And so we first start with that, and I tell them the men that I work with in my Life Mastery course, create an I am statement. And so, first off, there's a paradigm shift in it, because what I tell them is it's not your title, it's not your role, it's not your position, it's not your income, it's not your attributes, it's not really even your gifts. Who did God create you to be as a man, apart from the things that you use to identify yourself? Because unfortunately, again, if you don't know who you are, then the world has to tell you. And typically it's those things that we use the power of the position, the role, those things that we use in our lives.

Speaker 3: 12:32

So we create an I am statement, and if I could give you a second tool from that. The reason we do is because you want to be equipped for the battle before you go into it. And one of the biggest challenges in any man's life is their thought life right, I was being successful in business and in education, and I know a multitude of men out there and women who you are listening to, your community, have the same issue. It's not that I don't succeed, it's that all the joy is sucked out of it, because along with it is this voice that says you're going to fail, it's horrible, you're going to be let down, you're going to ruin this right those things that we play over in our head. When I create a statement that tells me who I am and I remind myself daily of that repetition, build skill. Then, when those things come up now, all of a sudden, I have ammunition for the battle. No, that's not who I am. This is who I am, and the more you understand it, the more you'll live it.

Speaker 3: 13:22

There's a scripture, 23, seven and I'll stop with this Says as a man thinks of his heart, so is he. It's talking about a rich young ruler who is pretending he's one thing, but he's another. He's being generous on the outside, but on the inside he's a different person. But there's an instruction that God has in that and how he created us to be. So, for myself, if I am who I am right now because of my thoughts, primarily, it's one of the three transformational strategies we have mastering your thoughts, your words and your actions. If who I am today is a some product of the thoughts I believe who I believe God made me to be versus who he actually did, then I'll be that person. So if I want to change to become who he created me to be, then I align my thoughts with who he says I am, not with what my past, my pain, the lies that I believed have told me I am man, that your whole message mark just resonates so much with me, because that's it.

Speaker 1: 14:13

I had completely agree and believe exactly the work that you're doing there, because we talk a lot, and in our work as well, about having a personal mission statement what is it that you're willing to stand for and what is it that that you're willing to become. And so it's one of the first things that we, that I asked guys to go through and, similarly to your I am statement, it ultimately is crafting a mission and mission and vision statement for themselves, and the idea that was for them to connect to something greater than themselves. It's out of the idea that was for them to connect to something greater than themselves. It's out of the idea, out of what we would see in the self-help genre, but really the goal of it is to see themselves bigger.

Speaker 1: 14:52

We first have to get rid of the junk that keeps us trapped, release that and then start to look at how we connect to something much greater, and only at that point can we start to live, have god live through us. It's and you know you also talked about and why when you made the comment about all the joy gets sucked out of it. And I think of so many times in my life when you know I've accomplished some pretty amazing things and there was no joy in it because of all, all of the worry and the fear wrapped around it. And yet you know, when I tell the story, tell my story, the people are just blown away and I've allowed myself to have all that joy sucked out of it, and so it just can be really painful. So now we know what it looks like to live by design. So what are some signs when you're working with men, that you can see that someone's living more by default?

Speaker 3: 15:44

That's a great question and, if I can backtrack to what you just said, I love what you're talking about in creating that mission statement and so for myself and probably for you but I can't speak for your own program it always starts with God, and so, because I'm primarily work with Christians first off, let's be honest, the principles of God, the truth of God, will work with anybody because they're universal right.

Speaker 3: 16:06

He says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust, the righteous and the unrighteous, but there's a difference between the two in that I get to have a conversation with God and one of the first things I ask them is since we have a source God, our creator the first thing I ask them is can we at least start the conversation with him and say God, who did you? We can see the evidence in our lives. But yeah, I love what you said in that about a mission statement and a higher power, a source which for us, is God. We know God through Jesus Christ, and so the conversation should always start there. So I love what you said with that. That was awesome. I'm sorry I got so caught up in loving what you said.

Speaker 1: 16:42

Your question again was yes, so we know what it looks like to live by design. So how do you work with someone or how do you identify when someone's living more by?

Speaker 3: 16:52

default what I tell, and I'm sure it's the same with your program as well, with the men you work with. If you don't know a difference, you use the same tools that everybody else does and unfortunately you also get the same results. But most of our life is like that and unfortunately, in Christianity. I'm a pastor, so I'm not throwing stones at the faith, but we typically teach that when Satan attacks, things happen. Challenge comes up, something is making you live less than the life that God has for you. You attack it with Scripture, not realizing that you can actually focus on the world or focus on yourself, but you can't focus on both. So what is God doing in this situation versus what is the world trying to do in this situation? If I focus on his plan and purpose and how he's using me for that, all of a sudden the challenges fall away, because now I'm finding solutions instead of issues. Right, I'm working offensively in investing in that circumstance, that situation, versus waiting for something to happen and then me trying to duck and dodge and dive to get away from it. So really, the honest truth is I don't know anybody who doesn't live by default, naturally not just in Christianity, but in the world right. The answer to everything is then you want to feel successful, then buy something expensive or have a position or get some income or have those relationships the world is looking for the world to change and to tell you who you are. It's only an understanding that God says he's first and we're second that you start to understand that it's not the world telling me who I am, it's me telling the world who I am. So everybody lives by default and so we all start in that place and that's where these tools come in. That's where the paradigm shift of what's your I am statement comes in. It's not the world telling you who you are. What I tell my guys is if you don't understand who you are, then everything around you has to make up the difference.

Speaker 3: 18:41

So in my life with my wife, if I don't understand that I'm a man of value and worth and merit, then she has to make up the difference for my insecurity. I'm speaking from personal example, not from theory. Right when I was struggling with those things fear of failure, insecurity and the struggles that I was living with really identity statements that were false she had to make up the difference. You couldn't be too harsh or you couldn't give me a criticism or we couldn't get in a disagreement because all of those started to bring up those conversations on the inside.

Speaker 3: 19:11

But now, as I've walked through my own freedom journey and become more and more of the person I'm created to be, it's a journey and there's more to come, but I am so much different than I used to be in that place. Now she's a benefit, not a necessity. She's a benefit to my life but she's not a necessity to make me sure that I have value. She's a benefit because God's given her to me and in that place. She has a proper position in my life and our marriage is astoundingly better because of it.

Speaker 1: 19:41

And you put some drop so many truth bombs there. Mark, I just come back and just tidy up on a couple of things for myself. When you talked about I really like to tell you when you were talking about scripture there, and for me scripture comes alive when and I keep saying that using this term.

Speaker 1: 19:57

That's really good it works through us and it comes alive. It's one thing to you talked about using scripture as that, that attack mode, I think, is what the words you were using and the immediately what I thought was, and then you went into but we have to really take action. So it's not just about faith, but it's faith and works together that brings this, that makes us. And then you started to talk about. You started to talk about how your wife was filling in those gaps. And then I don't know what, for whatever reason it's early here in Winnipeg this morning, but I was thinking of yeah instead of, because my journey was similar with my wife as well is that today our relationship is more and while I still have those insecurities and those fears and those doubts, it's more drywall mud. She's just patching some cracks. It's not like there's a gaping hole and she's trying to fix this thing for me gaping hole, and she's trying to figure, fix this thing for me.

Speaker 1: 20:54

And I really like how you you described your evolution, because I think for many of us, while we have one, one part of our life fixed, there's another part of it and that's another piece of some of our work that we do is have I have the guys look at. I call it an integrity challenge and it's it's an assessment in six different areas of their life, because we may have one aspect of our life that's working really well, but there's probably some that we're just not paying attention to and that are causing us the most angst. And so in that work and I know you do some of the some of this work here with your guys as well in your program is that sometimes we identify with our limiting beliefs and we don't really recognize that. And so tell me and describe to us how you work with men on their limiting beliefs?

Speaker 3: 21:33

Yeah, absolutely. First off, I love that integrity work and, in the language of my course, what I tell them is that you should live at the level God has for you. You should have the impact that God has for you in every area of life. So it's not from a place of failure, it's from a place of possibility, which sounds exactly like what you're doing. It's saying that, okay, there's a God level life, that there's the abundance, there's the things that he has, there's the impact that our lives are supposed to have in the world, but it's not just in our job or business or vocation, it's not just in our marriage, but it's in all of these aspects. So I love what you're doing there, and but it's in all of these aspects. So I love what you're doing there and, just like before, I forgot your question because I got so enamored by the great truths that you're giving there.

Speaker 1: 22:13

Yeah, I was just talking about. I was thinking about that because you mentioned a little bit earlier about how men can identify and some, and I'm making the correlation we identify with our limiting beliefs. At least that's the connection that I make in my life and in my work. And so what are some of the things that you're doing to help men first recognize that there's this limit Absolutely?

Speaker 3: 22:34

And again, we always start with identity, and identity is who did God create me to be? Two overarching goals in our program are understanding who you're created to be so you can have the life you're created for, and one of the things we do is to not really attack an unbelief, but to give you truth instead. So, in a lot of cases right so I'm not bashing on personal development programs, but a lot of them are in a place where you're trying to manage your emotions, right, manage your anger or your insecurity or those things that you're doing. But I believe that God's given us the ability to not just overcome, but be victorious over them. It's because it's in his word, right, when he says that do not be anxious for anything. He isn't trying to give you hyperbole that you can't measure up to, but he's giving you truth that you can live in, and so what we do is we give them tools to live it out.

Speaker 3: 23:23

And so the identity piece, the I am statement, is part of it. The next one is really mastering your thoughts. What are you saying about you? Because there's either living from who you are or living from who you were your past, your pain, your issues, right. The more I understand who I am. I live from that place, and the more I live from that place, the less my life is limited by those previous fears and beliefs and things and challenges, right. Limited by those previous fears and beliefs and things and challenges, right, those fears or those failures I say in air quotes that I've had before and now all of a sudden just become part of an experience of me learning what didn't work so I can find out what did, versus a identity statement that says that I guess I'm not that guy, I can't start that business, I can't have that success, I won't have those successful relationships. So, the more we focus on identity and mastering our thoughts and mastering our thoughts isn't just oh well, that sounds great. Yeah, I should do that. It's a daily practice of who am I today, who has God said that I am? And, by the way, there's a couple of other things. If I could unpack them super quickly.

Speaker 3: 24:25

In the identity package, so to speak, of our course, there's identity, and then there's two other things I tell them to do. The second one is to create a celebration list. And the celebration isn't what do I love about the things I've done, but what do I love about me. One of the things that I find, with guys specifically, and women as well, is that I see my faults more than my giftings. I see the things I've not done well versus the things I have, and so I give them a celebration list of 10 things I've written 100, but I don't make them do that. And what I tell them is this the more I see those things I love about me, the more I see God in me, because everything that is in me all of my likes, my dislikes, my gifts, my talents, my abilities, even the things that I'm horrible at we're all a forethought of God, and so, as I see the package of who I am, first off, I innately give myself value because I see that's who God made me to be. There's a reason why I'm great at language but I'm horrible at math. It's not because I'm a failure in an area of my life. It's because there was an intent on my life that needed those things and he knew it before I did. There's a reason why I like things and I'm passionate about things and other things I couldn't care less about, because he knew that the investment of my heart was going to be in a specific area. So the more I see those things about me, the more I see God in me. And, by the way, that automatically starts to unleash me from the limiting beliefs I would have.

Speaker 3: 25:49

And the third one, really quickly, is an accomplishment list. I tell them to write 20. Again, I've written 100. And it gets down to the. I've paid my bills on time. I show up to work every day.

Speaker 3: 26:02

I graduated in the US as junior high school or middle school, right, it's these minor things that we have in our life that we discount in our life.

Speaker 3: 26:10

So this fear of failure, this belief that I'm limited to this and no more, what you start to find out is you've got a track record of accomplishment in your life. The problem is you're waiting for the huge thing, you're waiting for the World Cup championship, before you give yourself credit for the things you're doing of value. And so when I see that no, I've got a track record, it's the things that you're ordinary again, air quotes that aren't ordinary because not everybody is doing all of those things, and it's not a slam on them, but it's an understanding of. I've got a track record of accomplishment in my life. This is just one more thing I'm striving to be my best in so, with the celebration, with the accomplishment, with the identity and reminding yourself on a daily basis who you are, because for you and me, alan, life shows up every day and challenge shows up many times in the day. Now, all of a sudden, I know who I am, so you're naturally living from who you are, so limiting beliefs have no place to land.

Speaker 1: 27:07

Yes, yeah, I really appreciate that framework that you've put together with identity, the celebration list and the accomplishment list. And when you were also talking about working with men and about love is one of our 12 virtues that we work through here, and it was quite interesting that, as we were doing that virtue last month and getting guys to understand that one of the things that we're not necessarily great at is receiving and accepting love and being that, and and for many men, love is a physical thing versus some something different, and so I, we, I challenged the guys to look at like you were just talking about what do you love about your body. Lots of us will have shame wrapped around that and that's really why I'd like to. I like that practice of look that you're talking about with love, because it helps to really shatter those types of those other types of challenges that will have shame and the guilt because we carry that and we. It's unnecessary for us to live that way.

Speaker 1: 28:09

And you've been sent you've mentioned a few times working on thoughts, words and actions, and that's the other thing that your work really resonates with me, because that, to me, is the progression right, get our thinking straight, understand that they're, that we're guided and driven by something much greater than ours. What's the language that we're using to wrap around that? How are we really expressing ourselves? And then the action part is really comes into, to things like our habits and our routines, and so let's talk a little bit about that part of the of your equation. How are you developing habits and routines?

Speaker 3: 28:43

Yeah, and it does come through the like you'd said, the three step transformational process of mastering your thoughts, words and actions, and it's really a habit to a destination.

Speaker 3: 28:53

I feel like I'm beating up on personal development courses, but one of the challenges I had with them as well is the habit you have going into. It is the habit you have to maintain in it, and so, for a lot of them, anger is a great one right when you're managing your anger right, instead of investing in the deeper work that needs to be done so that anger isn't your response any longer. Anger is never an issue. Anger is just a symptom of an insecurity that's on the inside that expresses itself. I need to have this work out the way I want to. It's not, so I'm going to use anger to get my way. It's a natural reaction to an insecurity in your life, and so for us, it is the three-step transformational process mastering your thoughts, words and actions, and it's habitual in that I remind myself who I am. Every day, I have an I am statement that I listen to. I remind myself of the celebrations and those things. So the repetitive habits for a time, but come to find out the more I show up as a person I was created to be, rather than what my past told me, the less I have to remind myself and that's one of the great celebrations that I let the guys know is that, as you're walking in this journey, sometimes we can feel like we're not getting there fast enough, but every time I make a decision or a direction or use an emotion that is coming from a place of I call it empowerment versus disempowerment, right, not from a place of insecurity, but confidence that no, god's got me in this, he's got me here for a purpose and I actually am going to be successful in this. The more I show up as that guy instead of the one I used to be, and the more I celebrate that guy, the more it snowballs, the more it increases in my life. I don't have to remind myself who I am. If I'm actually showing up as that person every day. Who I am.

Speaker 3: 30:27

If I'm actually showing up as that person every day, there's a scientific basis for it, if there's a neuroscience that that shows that the more I repetitively tell myself who I am in my thoughts, the things I think about, the more I speak those things out, which, by the way, yeah, science shows what God already knows, right? That's why he says this let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight. If my words aren't in alignment with what he says, even about myself, then how my heart be pleasing in your sight? If my words aren't in alignment with what he says, even about myself, then how could they be pleasing to him? But, as I speak, the truth of me and my circumstance and who I am in it, that actually does two things that confirms who I believe I am and that gives instructions for me to live it out.

Speaker 3: 31:05

And the third is obviously mastering your actions. Because I tell people this one of my life scriptures that I use in our course is John 8, 36, where it says he who the Son sets free is free. Indeed, that is absolutely a salvation message of Jesus Christ right Dying for our sins so that we wouldn't have to. But there's an understanding of salvation but not an understanding of lifestyle. And I tell them this Freedom looks like something lived out. It looks like something lived out in every area of your life. It's not just a salvation message, it's a lifestyle message. So, as I have actions, that's the freedom looks like something lived out.

Speaker 3: 31:44

So one of the exercises we use is saying okay, so the person you're created to be, this belief and, limited as it may be, understanding of who God made me to be, what does that guy look like, lived out Going into a circumstance where I'm in a job and there's a disagreement or a challenging work episode that I need to deal with? Okay, well, the person you're created to be, what would his response be? And do that thing. And so it's these repetitive understandings of habits. But the more you live from identity and who you're created to be life mastery, I call it the less you have to use tools to remind yourself to be there. So there's not a habit that I need for the rest of my life. There's habits that form proper beliefs, starting with God, that are lived out for a life that's beyond amazing.

Speaker 1: 32:27

Absolutely, because it's a part of becoming right. We live through an as versus sitting here and trying to. I have to. To me, it's the difference between you know, one of the parts that I have to that I struggle with in my life is consistently going to the gym. So it hasn't, I haven't embodied the idea of that physical fitness is truly important in my, for my life. I go to the gym, but I'm not as committed to it, say as I'm what we're doing today. I'll put much more effort in preparing for a podcast, making sure that my guests are comfortable and for whatever reason. That other aspect of my life tends to struggle a little bit. I really appreciate what you're saying. There is that it's really about becoming that part, that identity and understanding that everything starts with God, and the other thing I was thinking of.

Speaker 1: 33:18

As you're talking, you reference the men that you work with. We have our men's group. We call it the Band of Brothers. It's our brotherhood. So how is community important in your work? That's a great question. Thank you for asking that.

Speaker 3: 33:31

So for us, just for men in general, I don't want to generalize, but it is pretty easy to see that a lot of men love to be siloed, love to be siloed from the aspect of I don't want to show too much of who I am. If that again thought life, if you knew who I was, if they knew what I was struggling with. Or you're in a group I was speaking at a conference yesterday. Actually I'll be back there today you go into circumstances believing you're the only one, I'm the only one struggling, I'm the only one of issue. They've got it all together and we don't.

Speaker 3: 34:00

But there is a great power when you find out that, oh, I'm not the only one dealing with this thing. And the great thing about it and I'm sure it's exactly the same with your band of brothers is it's not us all coming together so that we can all mourn the fact that we're dealing with stuff in our lives, but it's coming together knowing that, hey, there's a greater purpose. And there's this man right beside me who's walking his journey, right, who's co-laboring for the kingdom, if you want to use spiritual language. It's this other guy who's doing his thing and maybe I'm learning from him because he's farther along, or maybe he can learn from me because I'm a little bit farther along. But what we see is, first off, we're not alone, which is a lie of Satan to separate you so he can destroy you. But secondly, there's other guys doing this thing, so I can do it right.

Speaker 3: 34:46

There's an innate encouragement in seeing there's other men who are going through things or they're facing their challenges. They're walking through the things, the tough stuff of their life, and they're doing it anyway. I think there's great encouragement. So for us, we have a private Facebook group that we use for this, because it's more regional, national than local. But in either case, if you can get around other guys who are doing your same thing, who are there for you, you can learn from or they can learn from you. There's a profound power in that. There's a movement and I'm sure Band of Brothers is a movement that you guys have created that is expanding yeah, absolutely, and it's in.

Speaker 1: 35:24

And it is so important for men to really break free from this silo mentality and this the term that I use is lone wolf and this idea that I can, I need to do this on my own, and again forgetting that we can. If you want to go, if you want to go fast, go by yourself, but if you want to go far, you got to go with others and we have to bring people, and people need to come together, men need to come together so that we can move ourselves forward and there's more that connects us than divides us. If we just recognize that's the that's an inherent truth, then I think our lives in this world becomes much better. I'm sure over your career, you must have had a mentor or two. We've talked a little bit about mentors here. And but if you must have had a mentor or two We've talked a little bit about mentors here but if you think back of a mentor that you've had in the past, what was one piece of advice that they gave you and how is it serving you today?

Speaker 3: 36:12

Yeah, I think and it comes alongside the question we just had and the conversation we just had, and I don't want to contradict what I just said. But there's an interesting thing in community and community can really expand you and grow you and nurture you and be a part of what you like, and there's definitely those things. And but the other piece of advice is, even if you're going alone, go. And it's an understanding of I'm not sure about your community, alan, but in mine not everybody is passionate about, in my case, life mastery, that's the language we use for it living life by design. And specifically I want to say this to the men there that there's always somebody who's doing it first, and so there's a duality of my social group, my family group, my community, and sometimes we wait for somebody else to come alongside. Right, I'll do it as long as my neighbor, my wife, my friend is doing it as well. And that's where there's a power in that community that you're talking about is, even if you're going alone, go. There's always somebody who needs to be first. And honestly, I'm not trying to throw stones at any group, but I believe that there's an innateness to that in men's lives. So we confuse it when we think that, ok, that means all of my life should be alone. I can't share my feelings, I can't be vulnerable, I can't do those things in my life because it's just me doing my thing. So there's a duality of that forerunner spirit that God's given men, that says that, yes, I can be the person out front, but there's also that community of seeing other men who are so.

Speaker 3: 37:38

To me it was that one thing of not waiting for everybody around me or my friends, right, there was. It happens in so many different aspects of our life, even in our business, where people were going to come alongside and partner with you, and then you start, you take the leap and nobody's there, and that's fine. That's where they're at in their journey in their life. So that's where it makes such a difference, when you understand that this isn't me trying to do something. This isn't me trying to do something. This isn't me trying to prove who I am. This is me refusing to be less than who God created me to be. So it's fine if I don't have that camaraderie in that group. It's fine if the friends and the people around me don't understand why I'm passionate about doing these things.

Speaker 1: 38:13

I'm still going, and then there's that community that comes alongside of those other men in those other regions, that band of brothers that helps you to do it as well yeah, I want to completely agree with that and and thank you so much for really bringing that together and really putting it to our conversation together, mark of everything that we spoke about today, and maybe there was something we didn't get a chance to touch on. If there was one takeaway to summarize everything, what would you want our listeners? The overarching?

Speaker 3: 38:39

hope and and desire that I have is that men and and again, women I'm not sure how many women are in your community, but the message is universal and it really is this. My desire is that they would understand that they can do this. For myself, creating Life Mastery, using the Bible as instruction wasn't the first thing I did. It was just the only one that actually had value for transformation. But there were so many times I tried personal. It was just the only one that actually had value for transformation, but there were so many times I tried personal development or speaking the same thing right, those mantras that we say, those affirmations that we get right.

Speaker 3: 39:11

There's a multitude of things I did before, the thing that actually gave me a breakthrough in my life. And if you're in that place, wherever you're at, my desire is that you would believe in yourself just one more time, whether it's your tools, which sound profound, or doing great things, or the things I'm doing, that there's this belief that I haven't succeeded yet, but I'm not going to stop, that I'm done with being done with this and I'm going to do whatever it takes to become the man or woman that I'm created to be. If you can start at that place if you can believe one more time. I believe that this is a season for a breakthrough.

Speaker 1: 39:46

What a great way to summarize everything today. Mark, I want to say thank you so much for spending time with us today and really guiding us towards finding meaning and purpose in our life, and all of us can do this as we travel on our own hero's journey. So men are interested in getting a hold of you and participating in your program.

Speaker 3: 40:03

Absolutely, I try and be what I call a one-stop shop, so I have all of my resources on my website, which is freedom-for-lifenet. It's freedom-for-lifenet, so my course is out there. The book that I have Life Mastery, living Life by Design. I actually also have a free diagnostic tool. It's basically a 40-question survey that they can take and it's 40 quick questions. You summarize it at the end and it gives you two things the understanding of, oh, where I'm at in my life mastery journey and what's the next step I can take to be greater. The email is out there as well. Mark at freedom-for-lifenet. Those are the resources I try and give, to try and invest in the community I have.

Speaker 1: 40:44

Love it. I'll make sure all that information, as well as, wherever you are on social media, make sure there's lots of different ways that folks can get ahold of you. I want to say once again, mark, thank you so much.

Speaker 3: 40:53

I'd love to hear it about your band of brothers and the things you're doing.

Speaker 2: 41:13

It was my honor to be join the brotherhood that is the awakened man at theawakendmannet and start forging a new destiny today.