Why Surrendering Is The Greatest Tool in Your Arsenal

What if the very thing most men instinctively resist is actually the key to their greatest strength? Surrender – not as defeat, but as a revolutionary act of courage that transforms everything.

I dive deep into why so many of us white-knuckle our way through life, clinging to control, ego, and outdated beliefs at the expense of our relationships, peace, and authentic power. The world has taught us that surrender equals weakness, but what if that's the greatest lie we've been told?

Through real stories like Mark's – an executive who appeared successful but was inwardly crumbling until he learned to let go – I explore how surrender operates in three critical dimensions: releasing our need for control, surrendering to God or something greater than ourselves, and confronting our ego's dominance over our decisions.

This isn't abstract philosophy. I share practical, actionable strategies you can implement today to experience the freedom of strategic surrender: morning rituals that center you before chaos enters, learning to say "I don't know" more often, taking inventory of what you're gripping too tightly, and choosing to apologize first in conflicts.

The most revolutionary men aren't those who dominate everything in their path. They're the ones who know exactly what to release so they can focus on what truly matters – their integrity, purpose, and deepest connections. Your breakthrough isn't in achieving more; it's in surrendering more.

Choose one thing you're clinging to – an outcome, belief, grudge, or expectation – and release it today. See what happens when you stop forcing life and start flowing with it. Ready to transform? Visit membersawakenedman.net for our free Integrity Challenge and discover how to lead from alignment rather than control.

Key moments in this episode:

03:45 Misunderstanding Surrender

05:13 Surrender in Leadership and Personal Life

10:33 Surrendering to God

18:47 Surrendering the Ego

29:11 Practical Tips for Surrender

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Surrender
• 5:13 Redefining Surrender as Strength
• 10:36 Breaking the Control Addiction
• 17:53 Surrendering to God's Guidance
• 25:07 Confronting the Ego
• 30:12 Mark's Story of Transformation
• 34:21 Practical Tips for Daily Surrender
• 39:22 Final Challenge and Closing Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome everyone to the Revolutionary man podcast, the show where we challenge men to redefine success, to lead with integrity and to create a lasting impact. And I'm your host, alan DeMons. And today we're going to talk about a word that most men instinctively want to resist, and that word is surrender. Now, I'm not talking about giving up or backing down. I'm talking about surrendering to something much greater to God, to truth, to the fact that our ego is often the biggest obstacle in our path. You know, the world tells us that surrender is weakness, but if I told you that surrender is actually our greatest tool in our arsenal, wouldn't that be great? And so what men need to learn is to surrender. We need to learn how to surrender our pride, surrender our control and surrender outdated beliefs. When we do that, then we can unlock a power far beyond anything that we could ever comprehend, and so in this episode, I'm going to break down why surrender is not about losing. It's about choosing. It's about choosing growth over stubbornness. It's about connection over isolation, about choosing growth over stubbornness. It's about connection over isolation, about peace over internal chaos, and if we've ever felt that control was vulnerability, with that letting go of this weight that we've been carrying.

Speaker 1: 1:16

I think this episode is going to be for you. So stick around. It's a conversation worth us having and it's going to change everything in our lives if we truly come to understand what it is we're talking about today. So if you've ever wrestled with control, pride or the fear of being vulnerable, I want you to take action right now. I'd let you take a moment and hit like and subscribe to this podcast. Drop a comment telling me what's the hardest thing for you to surrender. When you engage in this, it not only fuels your growth, but it also helps this message reach many more men who really need to hear this. So just takes a couple of seconds. Do us all a favor. Hit like, subscribe and then let's keep this conversation going. With that, let's get on with today's episode.

Speaker 2: 2:04

The average man today is sleepwalking through life, many never reaching their true potential, let alone ever crossing the finish line to living a purposeful life. Yet the hunger still exists, albeit buried amidst his cluttered mind, misguided beliefs and values that no longer serve him. It's time to align yourself for greatness. It's time to become a revolutionary man. Stay strong, my brother.

Speaker 1: 2:33

Welcome back to the Revolutionary man Podcast. I have a few questions for you today as we get started in this episode. What belief or mindset are you still holding on that's no longer serving the man you want to become? Another question is what was the last time, or when was the last time you chose control over connection, and what did that cost you? My final question for you is if you could surrender your ego today, what kind of freedom might you have on that other side?

Speaker 1: 3:07

You know these are pretty powerful and challenging questions, and we've called them out. We're asking these tough ones now because we want to go deeper. We want to go deeper into our lives and deeper to truly understanding what it means to be a man in today's world. And so to unpack what surrender really means, we need to really look at it as a gateway to gaining strength versus weakness for us, and how we apply this in practical terms is going to make a big difference in our faith, in our relationships and in how we lead ourselves and lead others, and so if you've ever felt like you're carrying on just too much, then this is going to be a great opportunity for you to lighten the load. So the first thing I want to touch on today in this conversation is really the misunderstanding of what surrendering is all about. See, surrender is one of those most misunderstood words in our vocabulary, isn't it? And it's often because it brings up images of waving the white flag or admitting that we're defeated, or even giving away our own power. But when we stop to think about this, surrender is not about losing it all. It's about letting go of illusions that are keeping us trapped in fear, in pride and in ego. And for a revolutionary man, understanding what surrender truly means is going to be the gateway to peace, to clarity, to unstoppable strength. And so surrender has been wrongly framed as a submission or this deceit idea. And so think about it.

Speaker 1: 4:34

In today's society, especially for men, it's equated to surrender being weakness. Many of us are conditioned to win at all costs and never to show pain, to push through adversity without even asking for help, and while that mindset might serve in some instances, it does form the background of this lone wolf syndrome that I see so often in doing this menswear, and it's truly its own archetype. But while independence can be a virtue, isolation can also become a prison. So the truth is that constantly clinging to control creates stress, breakdowns and emotional numbness. So how do we want? How could we apply this in today's world?

Speaker 1: 5:17

I just want you to consider that, regardless of what level of leadership you're, on that, you're a high-level executive who always needs to have the last word in a meeting. Maybe that's not the great way to go. Maybe that happens in your personal life as well, but when it comes if that is happening, it's our refusals to let others lead, offer other ideas We'll start to build resentment and disengagement, not just in our teams around us, but also within our families. And so, over time, we're going to struggle as leaders. Our leadership is going to start to erode. It's not because we lack skill, but it's because we have an inability to surrender control. And so, once we learn to trust others and release, the need to dominate, collaborations is going to really start to increase and we're going to expand our abilities to really move the needle forward in our lives.

Speaker 1: 6:07

And so why do we have this? Why does this have this misconception about surrender, and how is it keeping us stuck today? When you think that surrender is like failure, then our fight battles. When we start to get into fighting our battles, it's where we're never going to begin with us ourselves, right? See, we try to control everything else around us. We try to control our spouse, our coworkers, our outcomes, and really what we're doing is we're creating a lot of unnecessary tension. And so, if you ignore this feedback, you're going to suppress vulnerability, being vulnerable, and then, before long, what we're going to find is that there's going to be walls built so high that not going to let anyone in, including God, and so this addiction to control can truly lead us to burnout, to disconnection, to emotional chaos, and so I think of it as being a father, when we're refusing to admit that we're overwhelmed, trying to balance business and family life.

Speaker 1: 7:10

Instead of admitting that and trying to work through it, instead of communicating this to our spouse and asking for help, we start to look at work. We'll maybe work longer hours that was definitely me, especially in my younger years it becoming extremely emotionally distant, and when we do that, guess what ends up happening? Our family starts to be neglected, then our health starts declining because we're not taking care of ourselves, and the moment that we surrender to the idea that we have to do it all alone, then we can admit that we need support. Then we can begin to rebuild the very relationships that we are so afraid of losing. And so the shift begins when we start to redefine what the world looks like around us.

Speaker 1: 7:53

Surrender again isn't about submission, it's about strategic release. It's like saying I'm choosing to let go of what no longer serves me. I'm going to let go of my pride, my fear, my need to be right, so I can make room for clarity, for growth and maybe even a little divine guidance or inspiration. Wouldn't that be great? So when we start to redefine surrender, it helps us shift from being this ego-driven troll to being more God-aligned. We have a different type of leadership, and surrender then becomes less about weakness. It's about wisdom, with strength that's attached to it. And so just think about how you're going to buy this in your life.

Speaker 1: 8:37

As entrepreneurs facing business, we need to be prepared to pivot, and if we spent years building a company and our identity is going to be tied to that, and then the company just isn't working any longer, then we're going to need to force to either do one of two things continue down this path, or we may need to surrender the truth that it's time for myself to evolve so the company can evolve. And when we can do that, then we can let go of our ego and we can embrace that change is okay. Then we can create space for innovation. We can create space for growth. Now let's think about that in our family life. Same thing happens in our family life. If we choose to look at and be honest with ourselves about how well we are showing up as fathers and as husbands and as brothers, then we can start to look at how we can evolve and change. And when we do that, then things in our life work out much better.

Speaker 1: 9:31

And so surrender is truly misunderstood, I think, and because we've seen it through this lens of defeat. But when we think about it in reality, it isn't. It's a deliberate, courageous act, isn't it, gentlemen, of us letting go. And when we do that, if we're going to be that man who's going to decide to cling, to control, then we're going to stay stuck in our cycles. We're going to stay stuck in the areas of our life that we're looking to evolve in. But the man who chooses to redefine surrender as a strength, now he can take this and become what more, what, who he's truly trying to evolve into, so we can let go of the things that no longer service, we can get back on mission, and when we just do that, we can step into our power and then we can really truly be self-made and God-given. So that's really the heart of where true leadership resides, and I like this quote surrender is the intersection where the divine takes over what the eagle cannot handle.

Speaker 1: 10:33

So let's talk about what surrender means in terms of faith. When we say to surrender to God, this isn't a retreat either. It's truly a return to power, and for many of us as men, especially those who carry the weight of being a provider and a leader and a protector, faith can become a backup plan rather than the foundation. But when we choose to surrender to God, it isn't about a passive dependence. It's the ultimate act of trust. It's a power in getting something greater than us to guide us and we let go of trying to take control of every outcome. Then we can begin to live and lead from a place of spiritual strength rather than from emotional strain, and this is a really hard lesson for me to learn, and I continue to evolve and grow in this particular aspect, for sure.

Speaker 1: 11:23

And so, when you think about it, as men and people in general, we crave certainty, so we want to map out the plan, we want to execute it flawlessly and protect those that we love along the way. But in real life it doesn't play out like that, and not in our timelines anyways. So plans are going to fall apart and people are going to disappoint us and guess what. The goals in life are going to fall apart, and people are going to disappoint us and guess what. The goals in life are going to shift as well. That's where when we choose to surrender comes in. Then we can look at making changes to our lives, but it's really about making a declaration that we are not god, and that's okay.

Speaker 1: 12:02

Surrendering to God means that we're stopping to try to shoulder the world alone and invite a divine wisdom that exists in us to guide us through, to allowing God to act through us and, as us, think about the last time that you've navigated a crisis and maybe it was for financial or relationship wise, or maybe even with your health. And if we keep trying to fix it on our own, then things can send us to struggle, can't it? And so we're praying, but like more, like a checklist. We're not truly doing it as a deep spiritual connection. And so then, one day when we finally end up by being broken and man, I got to tell you. This happened to me so many years ago when my first marriage failed and I'm just out of answers, truly on my knees and wanting to get direction and guidance. I needed to surrender, and finally it really became a statement of God I don't have this and I need you. That's a powerful statement.

Speaker 1: 13:03

If you can get there when that ship alone is performing, it's so much different than just performing a prayer. It's really the beginning of a new path, and this doesn't mean that my problems disappear or that your problems are going to disappear, but it does mean that you're no longer going to walk that path alone. And so, when we think about how surrender can also build trust and spiritual clarity, to consider that surrender doesn't mean silence, it means stillness. We're so busy trying to figure things out that we never get an opportunity to stop, to just take a moment. And so when we surrender to God, we're really reacting to everything and start by responding from this place of a deeper sense of trust. Isn't it Because we're slowing down now? And so we stop trying to force an outcome and instead we begin to follow a greater vision, one that's not going to be driven by fear and ego. Instead, it's because we've chosen to surrender.

Speaker 1: 14:09

Surrender redefines. It helps us to really become much more discerning in the next steps that we're going to take in our lives. If we're quiet enough, still enough, we may even start to hear God's voice over our own loud chatter. And so maybe it's like whether to leave a job or pursue a dream or forgive someone who's hurt you. But if our mind braces making the pros and cons list and you're seeking advice, just starting to spin your reels, but if we take a moment now and pray in silence and we just feel a peace settle over us, then we can start to align with our values, we can start to bring spiritual clarity into our decision-making, then we can make steps and move forward.

Speaker 1: 14:57

That follows more one of peace and contentment. We're going to find the answers that we're looking for by slowing down rather than speeding up, and so how can faith then also strengthen our relationships? So I think it makes sense when we consider that when a man surrenders his pride, seeks God's guidance, his heart's going to soften, isn't it? I know mine does, and he becomes. When we become less reactive, we'll become more present, we're less guarded and we're far more compassionate. Relationships that change our marriage, our parenting relationships change, our friendships change, our work relationships change. Everything changes because we're surrendering something much greater.

Speaker 1: 15:48

And think about it this way A surrendered man is a centered man. He's going to listen more, he's going to defend less, he's going to lead with peaks instead of with pressure, and so many of us are husbands and fathers, and so think about this a time when you're constantly clashing with a son maybe their teenage son, maybe they're in their twenties, but you're constantly clashing with a son, maybe their teenage son, maybe they're in their twenties, but you're having clashes with your son. It's a typical piece that we will go through in our lives. Every conversation in that with your son turns into a power struggle. But what if, instead of trying to control his own behavior, we said we start to pray specifically for the tools that we need to help get us through, tools like patience and wisdom and understanding, and, instead of forcing rules, we can start to build trust? It's not going to be perfect and it's not going to all change all at once, but over time, that relationship is going to start to shift. It's not because the son had changed first, it's because we, as fathers, surrendered to the need to be right and have embraced the call to be present. That's a really big piece for us to look to do.

Speaker 1: 17:06

It's something I continue to work on with my children, and I find myself going back and always reminding myself to slow down. And what is this? What are the skills that I want to bring into this conversation? Sometimes it works out really great, and other times I need more practice, and that's okay. That's what it is about being men today, isn't it? It's about getting in the game and getting off the bench, getting on the ice, stickhandling our way through some of the most difficult challenges.

Speaker 1: 17:36

And so, when I think about the second point, it's about surrendering to God. It's not just a one-time event. Truly, it's about a daily discipline. It's waking up each morning and saying I trust you more than I trust my plan. Faith doesn't remove responsibility for us, right, we still have to take responsibility and take action, but it does redefine it, doesn't it? And so it teaches us to lead more, for lead not from pressure, but from purpose, and all the work we do here is about how to lead with more purpose. And so when we do that, it's going to strengthen not only our relationship with God, but it's going to strengthen our relationship in all of our aspects of our life. So a man who surrenders to God doesn't really lose control. What he gains is alignment, and I love this quote as well the moment of surrender is not when life is over, but it's when it begins. That's Marianne Williamson. It's true in so many ways, isn't it? So let's look at a third point here. Let's talk about surrendering, and surrendering the ego man. This is one that I'm constantly working on.

Speaker 1: 18:50

I'm sure, if you're listening to this episode, you've struggled with this from time to time as well. For most of us, ego is our default operating system, isn't it? It's the internal voice that says I got this, even when we know we don't, and it tells us to go figure it out on our own and never to show weakness and to defend our worth at all costs, because the ego is really protective. It's trying to save us and keep us safe, but it's also very much limiting us, and surrendering the ego doesn't strip us of our strength. It just strips all the illusions that we have about life and how we can live a more authentic and grounded self room. Stop to think about that.

Speaker 1: 19:35

Ego is going to be the loudest liar in that room. Ego is going to whisper things like this Don't ask for help Makes you look weak. Don't say you're sorry, you're going to lose power. You already know enough. No need to listen. These are lies. These lies are subtle, but they also drive isolation, resistance and stagnation. The ego is always going to be fueled by fear the fear of being seen, the fear of being wrong, the fear of not being enough.

Speaker 1: 20:11

I'm going to tell you this is one guy that I struggle with and we go to battle on a regular basis, and while the ego may pretend to protect us, it's actually keeping us disconnected from real growth and real intimacy. So think about it. You've probably had the experience that you're consistently being defensive. Maybe certain feedback is coming to you, whether that comes from work or it's from your spouse at home. The knee-jerk reaction is to justify, to deflect and to criticize. But when we surrender our ego, we're going to start to listen. We're going to listen, maybe with some curiosity. We're going to listen instead of judgment and we're going to begin to ask what is the truth within this feedback? Maybe how can I grow from this? Just that little ship alone really helped us transform our leadership and our relationships. And so how can the ego, or how does it, truly block our growth?

Speaker 1: 21:13

Ego thrives on identity and image, doesn't it? It will cling to outdated beliefs, it's going to stay with unhealed pain, and it has these self-protective patterns that are just going to help you keep you feeling safe. But safe isn't the same as strong, is it? See, a man who refuses to surrender his ego stays stuck in performance mode doing more, proving more, but feeling less fulfilled. The ego makes us feel reactive instead of reflective, combative instead of collaborative. And so when we think about when ego starts to show up, or think about my life, right when my career and career start to change, even though I might be miserable because my identity is so tied to, maybe, a job title that I'll be afraid of what people are going to think if I walk away from that title or I walk away from something else, or if I fail trying at something new.

Speaker 1: 22:15

But when we can surrender our ego, then we can let go of this needing to impress people or maintain some idea or some image. If we do that, then we're going to find out that it's not really again of a loss, but we get more connected to our purpose. And so there's freedom in us letting go. There's a distinct power in our ability to say I was wrong or I didn't have it all figured out. Man, that took me a long time to figure that out as well.

Speaker 1: 22:48

But humility isn't a sign of weakness either. It's truly a sign of emotional maturity. See, when you let go of ego, instead of needing to try to be right all the time or always needing to be in charge or wanting to appear strong, we're actually becoming more grounded and more respected when we commit, when we're wrong, when we can admit there's things that we can change about ourselves and when we can admit there's things that we can change about ourselves. And so surrendering the ego opens the door to real connection to God, with others and especially with ourself. And so always being mindful of when the ego is shoring up, and think about opportunities where maybe you've always kept your emotions all bottled up and so you become emotionally distanced from your wife, maybe from your kids, and you get this really deep inner sense of discontentment. But then, if you start to push, you stop pushing your own feelings down, you start becoming more honest with yourself. Then you can say that maybe you're feeling scared in this moment or you feel like you're failing or you're not.

Speaker 1: 23:54

That little bit of surrender and vulnerability helps us become much more connected to the people that we care about the most, and it's really a breakthrough moment. It can be a breakthrough moment for your marriage, for modeling strength to your kids. So when I think about how loud and boisterous our ego can be, the truth is it can be quietened down. Then, when we finally choose to quiet the noise of the ego and we begin to hear the voice of truth, voice of wisdom, voice of God, surrendering the ego isn't just an identity crisis and identity clarifier. Think about that. We drop the idea of the ego. We can get much more clear and truly who we are deep inside, and I like this quote from Confucius as well. He says who conquers themselves is the mightiest of warriors, and isn't that so true?

Speaker 1: 24:53

So I want to talk about a little story about a gentleman. His name is Mark and on the outside he looked like he had it all together. He's 45, he's married, father of two, executive VP of a fast-scaling company, and his peers really admired his drive. His friends envied his income and he mastered the art of keeping things moving. At least that's what it looked like from the outside. But inside Mark was quietly crumbling. His marriage had become distant, his spiritual life was non-existent and he carried a low-grade anger with him that flared up during the smallest of things. Maybe it was his son forgetting homework or a colleague missing a deadline Traffic jam on the way home. The problem really wasn't his job, it wasn't his family, and it wasn't even the pressure. It was his grip. Mark was always holding on so tightly to everything His image, his ego, his need to control that he couldn't see how much it was costing them.

Speaker 1: 25:54

Then came the wake up call. It was one afternoon. Mark walked into a leadership meeting and for the first time in years he couldn't fake it. He'd blanked out during a strategy session his team notice, his boss notice. And afterwards, in the quiet of his office, mark felt something crack, not just mentally but emotionally, and he just wasn't tired anymore. He had been completely drained and empty. It was that night. His wife asked him are you truly okay? And for the first time he didn't deflect, he just shook, shook his head. I don't know who I am anymore. And it was the first time he was truly honest when these words came out of his mouth, and he realized in that moment that his needs to control everything his success, his home lives, even his relationship with god had become a prison and and what he feared most surrender might actually be his only way out.

Speaker 1: 26:56

In Oso, mark was wise, though he started. Small Mornings used to begin with emails, performance metrics and pressure. Now he started waking up 30 minutes earlier to sit in silence. He opened an old devotional. He prayed he of course awkwardly at first it had been a long time since he had done that but with the kind of rawness he hadn't allowed in years. He asked God for guidance, not for guarantees. He journaled, not to track progress but to process pain, and slowly something began to shift for him. He stopped trying to fix his marriage and started listening. He stopped showing up to work as a guy with all the answers and started asking better questions. He released his need to impress, started focusing on being more aligned with himself and especially with God, with his values and, of course, ultimately, with his truth.

Speaker 1: 27:53

Surrender had become an anchor for Mark. Now it was no longer a weakness and if we fast forward six months from there, his wife noticed a softness in his tone and a strength in his presence, his son started opening up to him again at work. He was really respected, not just for his results, but more so for his humility and his emotional intelligence. He had traded pressure for peace, control for clarity and ego for connection and, the most important part, he had lived his life the way he wanted to, on his own terms. It didn't fall apart. Even when he surrendered. It started to come together. Own terms. It didn't fall apart. Even when he surrendered, it started to come together. Actually, he realized that after all these years he thought that he had to carry all this weight, that God was simply waiting for him to let it all go. The moment he did is when everything changed for Mark.

Speaker 1: 28:46

Now, mark's breakthrough didn't come from achieving more. It came from surrendering more. He stopped trying to prove he was enough and started living like a man who already was. His transformation wasn't dramatic and it sure wasn't loud, right, it was scared, it was steady. It was deeply rooted in letting go of whatever didn't serve him and returning to what the things that had served him, things like his faith, his family and his foundation.

Speaker 1: 29:17

That's a great story, but I want to leave you with a few practical tips today on how you'll surrender things into your life. So surrender, remember, isn't a one-time decision. It's going to be a daily discipline for us. It's not just about laying something down, it's about picking up a new mindset. So hopefully these practices will help you embody surrender in real time, so it becomes more of a lifestyle rather than just a concept. So each of these tips below that I'm going to give you here, they're all about actionable, repeatable, transformable ways for you to impart, start to use surrender in your life.

Speaker 1: 29:53

So start your day with a daily submission. So why is that important? See, the first thing you do in the morning sets the tone for the rest of our day, doesn't it? And so most of us launch into a task without even aligning ourselves spiritually or emotionally with it, and so starting our day by surrendering to God, your purpose or your higher values, centers you in truth, before the world can throw chaos into it. So just a word of caution Most of us are rather going to check our phones or email before we check in with our souls, and so this is the type of reactive mindset instead of one that's being grounded, and so what I'm asking you to do is don't surrender to the world first before your feet hit the floor. If you have the habit of having your phone by your bedside, I recommend maybe putting that in another location. Set your alarm, maybe 10 minutes earlier for yourself before you touch that phone.

Speaker 1: 30:50

Like I said, sit in silence, prayer, ask God what do you want from me today? And then, what do I need to release so I can walk in? Maybe it's opportunities instead of grabbing the phone, as well as the journal, a phrase or insight that might come to you. Then you can proceed with your day, proceed from that, from a more grounded place, and so creating this morning ritual surrendering makes a lot of sense, right, the short prayer, maybe a little breath work or meditation, helps us get ourselves aligned for the day's action. So here's another thing to consider. So try to say I don't know more often. And so why would I want you to do that? The ego thrives on needing to be right or having the answer, but real leadership isn't about knowing everything. It's about asking better questions and listening for deeper truths, and so admitting you don't know opens space for wisdom and connection and trust. Saying I don't know also provides an opportunity for your answer to evolve and to grow, and so sometimes we may come into that point where we feel like we need to have fake confidence and we're unsure, and so this can really lead to poor decision making, and so it's okay to say that you don't know something. I mean, allowing somebody else to provide some input will help you expand who you are.

Speaker 1: 32:13

Practical tip number three is to take inventory of the things that you're clinging to. Why is that important? We've talked about this entire episode about us having to surrender. Maybe we're not aware of the things that we're holding on to, and so for many of us, man, we're gripping so tightly onto something, so much control over it, that we don't really understand what it is that we're holding on to. So control can be over an outcome. Maybe it's an unresolved guilt that we don't really understand what it is that we're holding on to. So control can be over an outcome. Maybe it's an unresolved guilt that we have, maybe it's a worn out identity, a false belief.

Speaker 1: 32:44

Identifying these pressure points is going to be your first step into being able to release them, and many times we tend to confuse control with responsibility. Anytime you catch yourself saying apply responsibility to do that, maybe the question isn't truly your responsibility and maybe catch yourself saying I have a responsibility to do that. The big question is is it truly your responsibility? And maybe some of it is, maybe not as much as you're thinking that it needs to. So when we cling to that type of control, this idea of responsibility, then we're really truly going down the path of potentially burning ourselves out, building resentment, and we're really being spiritually disconnected. And so, at the end of the day, as you do this task, write down three things that made you feel tense, made you feel anxious or maybe even frustrated. And the question I'd like you to ask yourself is am I trying to control something here? Can I release it, even just a little? Maybe you can't let it all go? How about just a little? Just building this practice is going to help you be more self-aware. It's going to break this illusion of control that you may have in yourself.

Speaker 1: 33:54

The next practical tip is try apologizing first. Why is that going to be important? It's important because nothing tests our ego like conflict right? So when we choose to apologize, even if it's only for our own tone or maybe our timing, anything that's on our part that we actually have control over. If we can model humility, emotional, emotional maturity and strength, then we're going to surrender our need to win, and that will be what will allow us to repair what truly matters is happening in front of us. And so if we wait for the other person to apologize first, then we're just justifying our own behavior, aren't we? And so this is going to leave wounds that are going to stay open.

Speaker 1: 34:37

And so think about a relationship where there's tension in your life and then reach out and say I've been reflecting and I want to own my part. I could have handled that a lot better. And you're not really excusing the other person here, right? You're just coming in and you're owning your part, and if you can do that, I think you're going to find that the relationships that were once struggling will start to find a new foundation to be built upon.

Speaker 1: 35:04

And the next piece is to release an outcome or release the outcome. So when we do that, we can, instead of controlling the results right, and so obsessing over how things should turn out leads us to feeling stress and disappointment, distraction, and we're really not present already. And so surrendering that outcome doesn't mean that we stop caring. It just means that we trust our role to show up, and trying to force how people start to behave does not only just create unnecessary pressure for them and for yourself, but it also bifurcates creativity and flow, and I learned that with some colleagues at work. In how they show up, the less control and pressure I put on them, the better that they respond.

Speaker 1: 35:55

And so all of these are opportunities for you to practice surrendering in some way, shape or form in your life. If you can start to implement some of these, I think you're going to find that there's a real opportunity for you to gain peace and more freedom in your life. Each of these practices offer a real rounded way to integrate surrender into everyday life. They're not really abstract, but I don't think so. They're applicable. You can look for those opportunities they can define. You can make use of them. The man who builds surrender in his abilities and his habits becomes less reactive. You're going to be more grounded. You're definitely going to be much more powerful because you no longer live in fear or pride. Instead, we're going to lead from wisdom and with strength.

Speaker 1: 36:41

There's a lot of this information. This is the stuff I didn't come up with. I've read lots of things. Here are three great resources that I think you might want to consider taking up. The one was called Letting Go, and it's by David R Hawkins, outstanding book Wild at Heart, by John Eldredge, one of the favorite books of mine of all time, and the ruthless elimination of hurry by john mark cormer.

Speaker 1: 37:04

Three outstanding books, and so, if you take nothing else from today's episode, I just want you to remember this that surrender is not the enemy of your strength, it's the gateway to it. The world may teach you to fight harder, to grip tighter and to never back down, but a man who never learns to let go is a man who has always stuck. True strength doesn't come from control. It comes from alignment, from trusting God's timing, from releasing ego and from opening our heart to growth. And so, when we surrender, we're not giving up. We give the weight that we have on our shoulders that we're never meant to carry. We give that on to something much greater than us, and so it's in that space that we can become the men we were created to be present, powerful and free. And so here's your challenge.

Speaker 1: 37:54

As we end today's episode, I want you to choose one thing that you're clinging to right now, whether that be an outcome, belief, a grudge, an expectation and I want you to surrender it, not tomorrow. You need to do it today. Release it. See what happens when you stop forcing life and start flowing with it. So if this episode spoke to you and if you're ready to really stop white knuckling life and start leading from your grounded purpose, then I'm going to invite you to take another step with us.

Speaker 1: 38:25

Go to membersbewakendmannet and take our integrity challenge. It's a free experience designed to help you examine your life, align your actions with your values and become the kind of man who doesn't just talk about growth, but he lives it. You're going to identify where you've been drifting, where your values and behaviors don't align. You're going to walk away with clarity, conviction and direction. Because here's the truth the strongest men don't control everything. They control what matters most their integrity. Don't wait for the perfect time, guys. Don't wait. Feel ready, start, take this challenge, lead with integrity, live with surrender, and I'll see you on the other side. Live well, my friends.

Speaker 2: 39:17

Thank you for listening to the revolutionary man podcast. Are you ready to own your destiny, to become more the man you are destined to be? Join the brotherhood that is the awakened man at the awakenedmannet and start forging a new destiny today.