Fatherhood, Legacy, and Masculinity: Lessons from a Girl Dad with Steve Seidel

Join Alain Dumonceaux and guest Steven Seidel in this insightful episode of the Revolutionary Man Podcast as they dive into the essence of legacy, identity, and fatherhood. 

Key points include: 

1. Understanding legacy beyond wealth, 
2. The journey of authenticity and embracing vulnerability, 
3. Steven's personal turning points and lessons from loss, 
4. The importance of connection and building support systems like men's groups, and 
5. Practical frameworks for self-improvement and building a purpose-driven life. 

Perfect for men seeking purpose, courage, and deeper connections.

 Key moments in this episode:

03:43 Steven's Turning Point

07:07 The Hidden Power of Grief

13:01 Balancing Business and Personal Life

20:30 Introducing the GREAT Framework

22:17 The Power of Accountability and Action

25:07 The Journey Deck: Building Connections

29:52 The Artist's Way: Exercises for Creativity

32:29 Realising You Are Enough

34:57 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

How to reach Steve:

Website: https://stephenseidel.com/

Social Media Contact Information:

FB: http://facebook.com/stephenseidel

IG: http://instagram.com/stephenseidel

YT: http://youtube.com/stephenseidel

X: https://twitter.com/StephenSeidel

In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/StephenSeidel/

Chapters

• 0:00 Legacy And Authenticity
• 1:52 Host Intro And Big Questions
• 2:58 Guest Introduction
• 3:35 Turning Points And Father Wounds
• 7:58 Processing Loss And Lessons
• 10:34 Connection As Ultimate Currency
• 13:28 The 4M Framework
• 16:24 Balancing Business And Fatherhood
• 19:18 Reconnect, Rebuild, Reclaim
• 23:05 Visioning And Mind Movie
• 26:40 Values Misalignment And Change
• 29:12 Roles Into Goals And The Seven Fs
• 32:20 The GREAT Framework
• 36:24 From Happiness Vs For Happiness

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:00

You know, at some point in our lives, every man's going to face a question of legacy. It's not just going to be about whether the wealth that we're going to pass on, but the values, our stories, and the relationships that live long after we're gone. And for many of us, that legacy is going to begin at home. It's showing up as fathers, as husbands, and as leaders who are not afraid to be real. But in a culture that celebrates the hustle, the performance and external success, how often do we actually pause and ask ourselves, who am I when the cameras are off, the lights are dim, and the title no longer matters? And so today's conversation is going to be about stepping into our authenticity, healing some old wounds, and redefining what it means to lead not just companies or communities, but our own families and especially our own lives. And so if you've ever wrestled with the questions of identity, fatherhood or legacy, then I think this episode is going to be for you. So just take a moment, smash that like button, hit subscribe, and share this conversation with a brother who needs it, because together we can spread this movement and empower more men to live with purpose, to courage, and connection. And with that, let's get on with today's episode.

SPEAKER_01: 1:12

The average man today is sleepwalking through life. Many never reaching their true potential, let alone ever crossing the finished line to living a purposeful life. Yet the hunger still exists, albeit buried amidst discuttered mind, dispatched beliefs, and values that no longer stir him. It's time to align yourself for greatness. It's time to become a revolutionary man. Stay strong, my brother.

SPEAKER_02: 1:41

Welcome back, everyone, to the Revolutionary Man Podcast. I'm the founder of the Revolutionary Man Movement and your host, Alan DeMonso. What story are you leaving behind for your children? And is it the one that you want them to tell about you? Another question I have for you is what would change in your life if you truly believe that vulnerability is not weakness, but it's strength. And how we showed up when it mattered the most. And today, my guests are going to talk a lot about that. And so allow me to introduce him. Steven Siddell is the former is the founder of the Siddell Agency, an award-winning PR and branding firm that has guided both startups and global giants to eight figures growth and beyond. He's also a TEDx speaker and consultant and the creator of the Wolves Among Us podcast, which has been downloaded more than five million times. But beyond the boardroom, Steve is also a man on a mission through Gents Journey, a men's mental health collective. Steve has hosted over 150 gatherings to help men realize about vulnerability is invincibility. He's also a proud girl dad, husband, and a leader who believes connection is the ultimate currency, and his passion is to empower men to rewrite their stories, live with authenticity, and create legacies rooted not only in success, but in love, growth, and impact. Welcome to the show, Steve. How are things today, my friend?

SPEAKER_00: 3:09

Thank you so much for having me on board, Elaine. Appreciate you having me. It's dude, your intro was phenomenal. I think as men and fathers, we're all just figuring it out, right? Or showing up every single day. But as we progress and gain wisdom as we grow older, if you're not learning something when you're 40 or 50 that you haven't learned when you're 20, then clearly you're not growing. And that was a brilliant intro, and I'm honored to be here. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_02: 3:33

Well, I'm so looking forward to our conversation today because exactly as uh we brought it brought you onto the show as are the things and the values that we live here within our movement. And so, you know, Steve, every one of us, every man will have a turning point in his life, you know, that moment where the old story dies and a new one begins. So, what was that moment for you?

SPEAKER_00: 3:55

Yeah, thanks for asking. So I think every man is ultimately seeking whether or not your father was present or not present, ultimately they want their father to be proud of them. And and I'm gonna go back to when I was younger, my parents divorced when I was one. And so that experience put me in a position where I became a people pleaser. And so I had to become a recovering people pleaser, I call it less like an alcoholic. But it was up to me to really set boundaries, figure out, you know, that I was seeking validation for other people, try to fill that void. And so my mission in life was always to become a great father, both to my children, future generations, but also the vulnerable children within all of us. You constantly hear, what advice would you give to your 14-year-old self or to the young teenager when you were younger? Like if you could hunt that young boy, they used to call me Stevie or TT. Um, and my name is Steven, but you know, I went by TT. And so for me, I go back to that young man and I say, look, it's gonna be okay. You're gonna grow into be a fantastic individual and you're gonna lead by example. And so for me, that moment that you asked about that transitionary period, I think for me, I've had many hats and careers that I've been along the way. My dad worked at one company. It was Sperry, then it was UniVac, then it was USys. It was a computer company. But we shift, right? We have many rules, but those aren't just what we are today, but they're different hats that we wear. Um, I ended up losing my father. I lost my stepfather. Uh, I was raised by my stepfather. I lost him in 2001, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I was still kind of young, right? So I was like early 20s. I didn't really know how to process that. So I was an artist. I did a lot of poetry, writing, and performing, but then later on, I did lose my dad in 2019. And I had a friend of mine locally say, You're never really a man until you lose your father. Yeah. And man, that moment was tough. I have two half-brothers. I remember my father was sick. My mom called me up, said, Look, you should probably go see your dad. He had his leg amputated, he he had was smoking, and you know, the blood did go flow to his legs. And so I shook his hand, and at this moment I told him, I said, Look, you're gonna be you're gonna be a grandfather again because we found out we were gonna have another baby. She's fine now, my my youngest daughter. And he shook his hand and he was so proud. And it was just a very sweet, sincere, open moment where I told him, Look, we're gonna take care of my brothers, Dakota Ed Skylar. I said, Look, they're gonna be okay. And the next morning he was gone. And I did not expect that. And that moment is pivotal, and that's shaped me as a man in my journey. I'm I'm getting closer to 50. In 2023, I ended up losing my mom as well, which is four years later. So those two, the combination of losing both of them has put me in a position where it's up to me to not only you talked about story, but to remember the stories of who I was, who they were, and to honor them. But also, what's the story I'm telling myself as a man? What are the limiting beliefs, and how can I rewrite that narrative so that I can empower these future generations and work with business leaders and other individuals so that we leave this world a better place? So that moment of losing my dad, that's when the rug got pulled out from under me. And then when my mom ultimately left four years later, that's where I turned it into a TEDx talk called Hit Power of Grief.

SPEAKER_02: 7:20

Man, that's so powerful, Stephen, that you that you bring forward. I you know, I was making a bunch of notes in the one when you talked about you're never really a man until your father dies. And I just think about I lost my father uh about seven years ago now, on New Year's Eve, actually.

SPEAKER_00: 7:34

And sorry.

SPEAKER_02: 7:36

And uh I completely can relate to what you're saying is um all the things that you wished you would have done, you can no longer do. All the the lessons that you thought you learned start to reshape and re get reframed. And the important part about it is what what I'm taking away from your story is that you know what are you doing with that?

SPEAKER_00: 7:58

Sure. What are you passing on?

SPEAKER_02: 8:00

Yeah, exactly. And so you know, you're you talk a lot in your work about this connection, is is really this ultimate currency that we have, and especially in in today's environment. And so you talked a lot about your dad there, but really how did that change the way you understand what you what you thought was truthful, you know, before when he was around and now that he's no longer here?

SPEAKER_00: 8:23

Yeah, that's I I think at the end of the day, we're all striving for truth. We're all looking, I I'd say we are all, hopefully we are, we're all connected, we are all one. And so the actions that we deliver on this plan, they all impact everyone. And so when I say impact and I talk about connection, you know, oftentimes we, whether it's business world, we talk about sales, marketing, or impact or influence, at the end of the day, connection, those are all byproducts, in my opinion. Connection is the true uh connector, it's it's the source, if you will, because if we are connected to ourselves, if we are connected to our higher power, if we're connected to our calling, if we're connected to our culture, if we're connected to our community, our consumers, everything revolves around that. And so when my father passed on, to me, it was almost as if hypothetically, and maybe you're in the same boat, is it's almost like you're, I don't want to say you're in a war, but you're in a battle or you're leading the charge, right? And he's up there and he's the first one, and he's giving you the lessons, and things go wrong, and he's there to help you and shepherd you and be a champion. You know, don't get me wrong, I have mentors and other individuals, but it's almost this man down, literally, figuratively. Um, and now you're the next one to step up. And so then it's in those moments where I think back, what are some of the lessons that he taught me? And they weren't as uh written down, if you will, that maybe some other individuals. And it's oftentimes where maybe it's your grandfather. I I have sort of like a lot of my friends' grandfathers, they pass on a lot of wisdom because they feel like that's their goal, right? They get to the point and they know, all right, look, this is my time. My dad passed away before he expected. So it wasn't like he knew that these are certain nuggets and things that he wanted. But once he passes on, it led me to take a moment of reflection and really think about what I can do to be the best father, if you will, for my half-brothers, because now they have no one, or how could I be a great father to my own children? Um, and then as I work with leaders and visionaries, it all comes back to connection. What is my purpose? What is my calling? Simon Sinek, what is my why? But in my work, I go through four steps. It starts with your mission. Then we want to get into what is your core message. And that's going to change over time, right? There's that story that you initially are have concocted. For me, the people pleaser story, or I'm not enough, or some of these limiting beliefs. And then mission, message. And then to me, it's your media or your marketing or business service marketing, but like the media or or how are you presenting yourself in that community, if you will. I like to use alliteration for M. And then the last one is movement. And so we want to start with your mission, really get clear. For me, my purpose is to help change makers achieve their dreams. And so by doing so, we love my children and I love to watch America's got talent. So every time there's a golden buzzer that comes on, my my wife and I, we weep. And it sounds kind of I I try not to like be overly done with crying, but it's a moment where they always look at us like, Daddy, you cry, and they always ask, Why are you crying? And so it's those moments in those moments of reflection, it's sometimes I don't know, but then other times it's just a moment where it's someone, it's the American dream. It's people that have a community, they follow their passion, they're connected to who they are, they're connected to their mention, their their message. A lot of them is entertaining and bringing you joy and happiness through their acts of service. And then they're building movements around what they do. And so when I watch that show, it touches me dearly. And my dad, he cried maybe two times. He cried when his mom died. I saw him cry when I graduated college. That touches home, and that's one of the few times where he said, Look, son, I'm proud of you. And go back to that. I mean, that's just a really memorable moment that I'll hold near and dear.

SPEAKER_02: 12:19

Yeah, man, that's just so true. And you know, I have similar uh similar memories of my father. I think that is the critical piece, right? That we as we start to shape and re reform some of these lessons and turn them into some actionable steps. And I like the the 4M process that that you just walked us through. And that leads leads me to, you know, talk also about like in your in your big business life, you work with a lot of higher performance entrepreneurs, right? They're out there, they're going after it, they're getting it. And yet at the same time, you know, they also have to learn how to be present as fathers and husbands. And so how have you been able to balance that in your life and the work that you're doing with your with your uh clients?

SPEAKER_00: 13:01

Yeah, so when I lost my father and then ultimately my mother, I had just transferred my business across country. And so uh we are uh virtual, uh virtual PR and media. And then so I transferred that. I didn't have any friends, I didn't have any local employees, the pandemic happened, the world shut down, and it was as disconnected as it could be. Um, and so I also had a one-year-old. I bought a new house, it was every major life event. I became the caretaker for my mom for two years. And so it was an extremely challenging position for me, and there was no getting out of it, and I needed to put it together. And so I followed this process, and it's a three-step process that I talked about in my TEDx talk, where you need to reconnect to get back to who I am, what do I love, what is my purpose? To me, my purpose, my high, my five highest deliverables when I work with clients. It's like, what are your five highest commitments? What is your why? It's like, oh, I have kids. It's like, no, I need to provide a higher standard of living or get more as specific as possible. But in that moment, I knew that my children were the most important thing because look, they all, they're all I have. And this was all that I all I had was them or my parents had passed. And so I reconnected, I rebuilt. I didn't have a lot of friendships, and so I created my own men's group because I knew I needed a support system. And so when I work with visionaries and entrepreneurs, I we dig into what is your calling? What does it look like professionally, personally? Do you have financial freedom? What are you doing for fun? Do you have a sense of play? And so I reached out because we're a product of the five closest people around us. I created this group called Gents Journey and I reached out to my growth friends. And I knew they were entrepreneurs, I knew that they were badass dads, I knew that they were driven in what they did. I knew that they had solid morning routines, and you name it. And so I surrounded myself with them. And then the last piece was to reclaim. I had to reclaim what my purpose was. And when I had moved previously, you know, I was in and out working with my company, was kind of floundering and trying to figure things out. But in this moment, I knew that it was my purpose to build a lasting legacy and to go back to my dream to make sure that I empowered my children, but also to empower the vulnerable children in this world. So that's why I volunteer my time and I go to fatherhood initiatives, I go to veterans' associations, and I work with these people that feel like they're wounded or broken or have a story that they're telling yourself to tell them that story is not true, that story is not you, let it flow through. And so that's what we do when we work with visionaries, entrepreneurs, bounders. We get really clear on what your story is, where have you come from. And that's all in the past. Come back to the present moment and where do you envision yourself? We don't need to figure out how you're going to get from point A to point B, but we need to understand where do you want to take it and what is your dream because it is possible. And so we put together a plan. We work more on their branding and how you, you know, the different uh stages that you've been through. And then we typically create a mind movie. And this is similar to a visualization board, but we want to create these images of success. Where do you want to be? Where your family. We do a lot of exercises to really visualize that success because our mind is the most important aspect in your success. And so you create all that, you do it in Canva. I'm happy to share it with your listeners, and then you come up with a song or two that really inspires you, and you put that underneath, and you watch that every single day, and you get ready and you prepare yourself, but it's as good as an affirmation. But once you leave, it's like Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan, you hold that fist in the mirror and you're ready to I was gonna curse, but you're ready to rock. And so that's how we work with individuals to really reclaim that sense of purpose, power, and to reclaim that narrative that you've been writing or creating in your head.

SPEAKER_02: 16:39

Man, I I I love that that journey that you just took us through. And it's you know, one of the things that I I always find very interesting in doing this men's work is we can be very clear in mission, vision, and purpose when it comes to business, and yet come from a personal perspective, it's much more challenging. And uh I like the way that you you broke that down, how you do that with in your group. I know for us, one of the things that that was important for me was to go back and really reevaluate what my role what my values were in life. And and so that whole process of just getting guys to you know really do a that deep dive on their values and what their propositions are on that, because what we are what we're actually showing up and doing may not be in alignment with what that value is. That's the first thing. Second thing I always find that's interesting as well is is that we have these values that aren't serving us anymore. And so it's not that we have to throw the baby out with the bathwater, but we do have to look at how we can reframe it. That comes back to what you were saying earlier about these stories that we carry. And if we're not if we're not conscious, and most of the time we aren't, that these are the things that are actually driving our lives forward. And I glad you brought up the gents journey because I wanted to get a better understanding of how you're helping men be a little what you're really talking about, helping them be a bit more vulnerable, but also encouraging them to get out of their business mind and really get into a different type of uh well, I'll say like more of a personal power.

SPEAKER_00: 18:11

Yeah, I think they kind of go one in the same, right? You talk about your values, so look at it as a Ben diagram, and these are we have various different exercises, right? You can do a journal a year from now. What are you envisioning? And I did this journal. I worked with a coach, I talked about buying a house and what it looked like. And 95% of those things that I wrote down came true because too often we're afraid to admit these things. But if we put it on paper, it holds us accountable and it actually conspires. God, universe, you name it. But what we talk, we take a Ben diagram, you have your values, you have your passions, obviously, and then you also have your skills, and then you can kind of see where they intersect and really focus in on that. And then one of the other things we talk about, one of our co-founders, Dean Bakari, he's like a self-help guru as well. But you know, you can turn your roles into goals. Each role that you have, you wear multiple hats. And so having an understanding of what these roles are, granted, it's all together, we are one, I am, but these are roles that create who you are as a human being and making sure that those values are consistent. But turn those roles into goals as a father, as a founder, as a friend. And those are crucial. Friendship is essential to our well-being. Every movie that you watch, somebody down and out. You look at the hero's journey for Joseph Campbell, they find a friend, they find somebody to take them up the mountaintop. All is lost on the end of the second act, and boom, by the third act, they're up at the top of the mountain. So in in Gent's journey, we focus on seven principles. We focus, family, faith, finances, friendship, fitness, and last but not least, fun. Because if it's fun, it gets done. And so that's where we really want to be present. We want to put our loved ones first. We want to you know walk with trust, be uh have humility, have a higher power that we're believing in. Finances, we need to find that wealth. Wealth is health, and it's not necessarily. Being greedy, but it's allowing us to have experiences and opportunities. Friendships, like I talked about, fitness, we need to care for our body and our mind and our sleep and then fun. You gotta have joy in all that we do.

SPEAKER_02: 20:12

Absolutely, absolutely. Love that seven-step framework. What I really like about um with you know, is having conversations, especially around folks that are in uh marketing and PRs, you always have fantastic frameworks. And one of the ones that I was that I really enjoyed was reading up on was about your great framework where you talk about gratitude, reflection, empathy, accountability, and transformation. But can you break that down for us and help us understand how men can apply the great framework in our lives?

SPEAKER_00: 20:42

Yeah, I think that's uh thank you for asking. I really appreciate you bringing that up. And so for the Cidel Agency, uh the Cidel Agency essentially our our motto is to do good, get back, and make an impact. And so keeping things simple, I usually focus on three fives and sevens just to keep things memorable, the rule of three, the power of five, the rule of seven. And so from good to great, you know, we want to do good, we want to be good, but at the end of the day, we really want to be great. So do good, be great. And so gratitude is the number one thing. And just by being in America or Canada or wherever you're located, it's almost like we've won the lottery. We're a lot more uh, you know, privileged than other individuals. And so finding that gratitude every single day and realizing that our problems are subjective and that this too shall pass. And so we don't have to go to work. We get to go to work. And so instead of pointing a finger and placing blame, we're taking you know ownership around that. And then R is reflective. And so we want to be reflective in all that we do, like you talked about before. What are the values? Where have I come? Where am I at now? Am I going where I need to be? Am I living in the moment? Am I thinking about the way that they used to be and thinking about the past, projecting to the future and worrying? And so just having that self-reflection, um, and then also being empathetic and understanding that we have empathy and be ethical in what we do so that we move forward from a place of trust and integrity. I I love acronyms. Another one is grit, being grateful, resilient, and you know, having integrity and trust that kind of rolls into, you know, the empathy piece. But then the accountability is probably the most important part. It's like just by showing up, we need to show up and know that there's going to be failure. But by showing up, that creates action. And when you create action, that creates momentum. And we need to show up and get rid of the fear, false evidence appearing is real, uh not a non-starting because we need to fail forward. And you look at today's, today's uh, you know, younger kids, just do it, just got uh just got reframed for their slogan, uh, what if you don't? To try and get people to think about what if I don't do this, I'm missing out on opportunities. Wayne Gretzky, you miss 100 of the shots you don't take. Do you need to get out and hold yourself accountable? Say what you're gonna do, do what you do what you say. I'll prep Billy. We're underdogs, and my word is as good as anything. And then lastly, T is transferred informational. And that's where these simple shifts can really help us. So instead of going for happiness, we need to go from happiness. And that's where these listeners at home, one of the things that I strongly suggest, put a note on your phone. Anytime you find something that you love, it could be a steak dinner, it could be a video game, find all of these things that you love because those are going to bring you to a place where you're coming from your passion and you're in your element and you lose all uh sights and sounds of time, and you're just in the flow. And that's a really great way for you to come from happiness instead of for happiness. And when I moved here, I didn't have any friends, and I was told by trusted individuals that I was coming, I was going for happiness because I was looking for friends and colleagues. And that's when I created Jen's journey and I found some like-minded individuals, and then I pursued tennis or pickleball. Um, and that's where I found people that were my people and they're my community, and then it came up naturally.

SPEAKER_02: 24:04

Listen, you're too young to be playing pickleball, you gotta stay attention.

SPEAKER_00: 24:07

Yeah, I was so once you once you start getting down on those knees, then you're never coming back up on the tennis. Just get down low, just give it a little hit.

SPEAKER_02: 24:16

That's awesome. Hey, listen, I want to do a little bit of role reversal because you developed this excellent tool to help guys really come out of their shell and be able to be a little bit more vulnerable, right? And be a more expressive. And I think that's one of the things I know I found when I first started doing men's work and holding men's groups and meetings is that just finding ways to get people out, and it usually comes in the form of questions. So I'm gonna turn over to you and I get to be the interviewee.

SPEAKER_00: 24:42

Yeah, thanks so much. So when we first started this group, we started to see over 150 meetings. We started to see the same questions percolating and coming to the top. We used to take turns running the meetings. So, for example, what does masculinity mean to you? And really, really deep and insightful questions. And so, what we did is we started to create another group or two, and it became a little bit more challenging to have more groups and open them more up. And we said, what is a more scalable way that we can build this? And so we created the journey deck. It's available on Amazon. It's called the Journey Deck by Gents Journey or gentsjourney.co. We also have a substack with six out six thousand guys on there, so you can find that as well. But the brilliancy behind this deck is it's simply asking a simple question. When we ask a question, that's the first step in building a better connection and connecting. And too often you go to a networking event or you go to work or even your best friend, you might not know different things about them or their favorite memories. And so you may get busy, or you might think, oh, you know, I don't want to ask them that. But when you have the cards in your hand, which I have here, right? I take these to fatherhood initiatives, and and the gentleman, his name's Jared Sloan. He said, There's something about the car, it's tangible. You can hold it, it holds you accountable instead of another man looking you eye to eye and being intimidating. You have the card that offers that introduction. And so I took this to a meeting, and there was a guy, he was tatted from head to toe. He'd been in and out of jail, and one of his questions, I facilitated. We went around, you guys should definitely check this out, but we went around, each person answered the question, and people could weigh in and share on it, or they could answer it themselves. And his question was, Who do you have to forgive? And he took a moment and he started crying, and he was a badass looking guy, and he had been through some things, and he had two kids, and he was turning his life around, and he said, I have to forgive myself, and I still be goosebumps. I have him right here. Just seeing this transformation in that room is why we do the work, and I'll I'll flip it to you to do it as well, but we don't have to have the answers, we just have to ask the questions, and so it's kind of like a card trick, but the magic is in the connection and in your answer because that's where it lies. So you tell me when to stop.

SPEAKER_02: 26:57

Stop.

SPEAKER_00: 26:58

Okay, this is a good one. And this goes back to when we were younger, a lot of these things that we have in today's day and age started when we were younger, and that's where as men we need to deal with those demons and do therapy or do coaching groups or find people. Um, when we're younger, a lot of these things start to form, especially limiting beliefs. But the question that you got was what did you want to be when you grew up?

SPEAKER_02: 27:26

Oh man. What I want to be when I grew up I wanted to be a football player. I really wanted to be a professional football player. And uh, you know, I grew up in Canada here. Generally speaking, our brand of football is uh a little more wide open. It's pro I'll I'll suggest it's more finesse than it is power, as as the NFL is definitely geared towards. And then I had this story that said I was too small, too short, that I wasn't gonna be able to play it and s to play that professionally, and so I buried it. Um but not only did I I didn't just bury it and not do anything, the other passion that I had as a young man was uh was cooking. I grew up in an era where there was Graham Kerr, he was the galloping gourmet. You're probably too young to know who that is, long before there was you know food TV and network. But I used to come home every night and watch from school and watch him make these classic French dishes, and I just thought, wow, that was just so cool to see him do that. And he'd always have a special guest on there. And so I actually became a chef. And so well, I thought I couldn't what I couldn't do professional for uh sport, I became uh professional chef, went to compete in the culinary Olympics in the early 90s, won a couple of medals, and and uh I had so many lessons around there. I'll have to come on to your show to talk about the story.

SPEAKER_00: 28:49

But that's fascinating. It's probably so many lessons.

SPEAKER_02: 28:53

Yeah, it it's a great question when we think about what we wanted to do when we grow up, and and uh I think in the end, as long as I was in some way of serving people today at 59, I see that everything that I've done in my life and my career has always come to the point of how can I be of service?

SPEAKER_00: 29:11

Sure.

SPEAKER_02: 29:12

So uh yeah, so yeah, that's that was the that's really this my story.

SPEAKER_00: 29:16

Thanks so much for answering that. It's uh there's a really amazing book. So when I went to college, I was an engineer, and then I had a passion for creativity and and really building things and connecting, and a lot of that I think was the people pleaser and me seeking validation, but it allowed me to sort of get out of who I was and create a character and then really voice my true beliefs. And then eventually I found I was like, look, I'm giving away my power to all these casting directors and things. And that's when I said, look, I need to take my power back. And I created my own content, I was a YouTube employees or whatever. But one of the books that we were told to read in one of my classes was called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. And it's a really brilliant book because she urges you to do, and this is great for anybody listening, two exercises. Once, one day a week is to take yourself out on an artist date. And this goes back to connection and loving yourself. And when you love yourself, boom, like a fountain, you can love everybody else. But taking yourself each week on an artist date, and that way you're by yourself, there's no expectation, you don't have to worry about what are they thinking, feeling, doing, but you're truly connecting to yourself and some of your interests and things that you're doing. The second exercise that she suggests that you do is two pages of stream of consciousness. And I journal every night and I have a gratitude journal, which is also helpful. But this stream of consciousness is when you first get up and it's giving yourself the time. And too often we wake up and we react versus responding, and that's where we need to have that morning routine. But the exercise is called stream of consciousness. It's right in two pages, right? Two pages of stream of consciousness. I hate this, I don't know what I'm doing, I drive about that, that's so this gets a lot of the noise out of your head and all that busyness. It brings it back into silence some of the naysayers. It gets you more aligned with your purpose to start to notice things that are happening. And then there's one other exercise in chapter one, I think it is that I'm gonna tell you. It's what did you want to be when you grow up? And so what she suggests is go back to your childhood and remember five things that you wanted to be when you grew up. So you mentioned two, for me, it was uh I wanted to be like OJ, but then he went and killed somebody. So then I had to switch that to uh or whatever he did, but I had to switch that to Michael Strahan because he was an announcer, he was an actor, and then on top of that, he was also uh an actor. But then I also wanted to be a magician and I also wanted to be a fireman, hence the magic cards and the magic reference, and they all kind of they're all gonna come back to our lives and be in there the rest of our lives. It's like we can never really put them to bed. And so what she says is find a way to allow a little piece of that to enter your life one day per week. So, and as you do that, you start to spark little bouts and bits of creativity and more sense of purpose and excitement. And so that's something that I did and I found a lot of value in. And hopefully your listeners could potentially try that as well.

SPEAKER_02: 32:02

Love that. And I had not heard that book before. It's definitely going to be uh on the next on my reading list. So thanks.

SPEAKER_00: 32:07

You should check it out. It's amazing. Yep.

SPEAKER_02: 32:10

Stephen, I think about all of our conversation for the man that's listening today. Maybe he's not performing, like really truly connecting in his performance. And so maybe that's not connecting with himself, or maybe it's his family, his purpose for sure. What would be the very first step do you think he should start taking?

SPEAKER_00: 32:29

Yeah, I think the first step that anybody should take is realizing that you are enough. We all go through tough times, right? And nobody's perfect, and everything's unfolding the way that it should. And it may not be the way that we've expected or the way that we wanted it to, but everything in life is a teaching moment for us. You know, the guy that cuts us off with road rage, you know, it's allowing us to find that sense of you know, uh of leniency, or the guy at the daily counter that you get mad at. But everything is unfolding the way that it should, that you are enough. And too often we see people or we compare. Um, Jay Shetty says when you criticize, when you compare, or when you complain, you bring down your vibrational level. So first and foremost, just look at yourself and realize that you are enough. You don't need to be an Olympian, you don't need to be uh the five-star chef like you were talking about. Or, you know, uh at the end of the day, just by showing up, there are people that are that need you. And there's a quote that says, to the world, you might be one person, but to one person, you might be the world. And everybody else is already taken. So be yourself. Your unique sensibilities are enough. And I know sometimes it's tough where you're going through things, you have illnesses, but the more that we can battle those demons in our head and wrestle with that story and deal with the facts as they are, great, then maybe that. But instead of creating these other stories or these other narratives, realize that you're enough, that you can show up. Success is simply doing what you're meant to be doing. Like you talk about being of service, it could be something as simple as holding the door for the old lady who walks across the street. And that's where when people are in a tough spot, we often suggest do something for someone else. Yeah. And then you find that humility, open the door, help them. I I love to help the elderly or older people that are, you know, 60 plus, and and to talk to them about the lessons that they've learned. And quitting on your dreams or quitting on yourself. Too often we worry about what others think when we can't even control our own thoughts. The moment you can control your thoughts, you can control the weather. So why would we care about what anybody else thinks? So the more that we can get back to who you are, get out of your head and into your heart, take a breath, realize your your heart is beating, you're breathing without having to do a darn thing, and that you are blessed in this moment, and to just take a moment to let that sink in, be grateful for what you have, and then start to figure out what really lights you up and do more of that.

SPEAKER_02: 34:56

Man, what a great way for us to wrap up today's show. Steve, I just want to say thank you so much for spending time with us today, sharing your wisdom on connection, fatherhood, and really this journey that all of us men are on, because it's this, these insights that help give us a powerful framework for rewriting our stories and building legacies that matter. So if men are interested in participating in your work and getting a hold of you, what's the best way for them to do that?

SPEAKER_00: 35:21

Yeah, any any any man out there, I would love to have you. We do tons of videos on YouTube. It's gentsjourney co that's g-en t s journey co or gentsjourney.co slash join. You can join our substack community. Uh, there's uh three co-founders now. We put videos every single day. I just did one five minutes ago before we did this about sleep and how important it is. If you're getting less than six hours of sleep, you're two times more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. And so we're giving you tidbits of information and tools to help you overcome that. And we'd love to have you join the Gents Journey. So thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02: 35:58

Right on. Well, as we get ready to close today's episode, I wanted to also challenge you with this are you living your life by the applause of the crowd or the legacy your family will carry forward? And so if you're ready to truly align your story with your purpose, then visit our web membership site, members.theawakenman.net, and take our free integrity challenge. It's a path for the man who's looking to live with intention, with impact, and authenticity. And if you do that today, then life starts to change. I want to say once again, Steven, thank you so much for being on the show. I loved our conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 36:30

Yeah, thank you so much. And I would love to give one last question to the audiences, and I would like to pose a challenge. I'm gonna ask a question. If you're listening or watching, there's gonna be a question, and I want you to send that answer and that question to somebody else and start a conversation and start a connection. So you're gonna tell me one more uh time to stop, and that's gonna be the question that we end the show with.

SPEAKER_02: 36:50

Love it. Stop.

SPEAKER_00: 36:54

This is a great one because it entails somebody else. The question is who could use you in their corner right now? So whoever could use you in their corner right now, I want to encourage you to reach out to them, tell them you love them, tell them that you believe in them, and uh let them know that you care about them.

SPEAKER_02: 37:11

Love that. Thank you so much, my friend. It was an outstanding conversation.

SPEAKER_00: 37:14

Thank you again. I really appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01: 37:24

Thank you for listening to the Revolutionary Man podcast. Are you ready to own your destiny to become more the man you're destined to be? Join the Brotherhood that is The Awakened Man at theawakendeman.net and start forging a new destiny today.